Why do some people attract much drama?

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I know some people make their own drama either on purpose or through poor choices but there also seems to be a whole group of people who just seem to attract it.

For instance, there is a woman on my FB who I dont follow/interact with but who keeps coming up because I read her posts. In the last month she has taken legal action against her son's school. She suddenly stopped talking about it after naking a big deal over seeinv a solicitor so I guess it went nowhere. Reckons a teacher in another school assaulted her daughter with witnesses and on CCTV but there was no action taken against him and is now kicking up a fuss over someone walking into her and getting upset that the police aren't treating it as assault. Something about BTP too. Then the police apparently threatened to arrest her. She also regularly moans that she is being discriminated against different organisations. It must be exhausting being her.

Then a few years ago there was another lady who seemed attract drama. Don't get me wrong she clearly liked playing the victim but she also had a lot of bad luck and had a few awful cards dealt to her eg her daughter died, someone she thought was a friend ripped her off, there was something about a misunderstanding over church funds etc

I see this in real life too. Some people seem to go from one crisis to another. An ex friend had a crazy time for a few years with various housing issues, boyfriend issues and health issues. I suspect it's still ongoing. She isn't hugely resilient so I don't know whether her "dramas" would have been such big deals for other people but still drama.

Are you someone who just can't seem to live calmly? Or does someone who know crash from one disaster to another? Why do you think that is?

They create the drama by wild overreactions to things. I have an ex ‘friend’ who doesn’t speak to any of her family, her ex husbands family, sues tradespeople, got sacked a week into a new job so suing them (sacked for walzing in at 11am after needing to go for coffee), loads of relationship drama (picks men with massive red flags then OTT gushing about how wonderful they are loads of public displays before it inevitable goes wrong then loads of social media drama about them, she tried to create massive drama in our friend group when she fell out with me over something trivial. Loves playing the victim all the time and only ever talks about herself. Some people genuinely do have a run of awful luck but many people create their own luck by their reactions to situations.

on the other hand I know people who have had really awful tragic things happen (lose a spouse then lose a child then lose a parent all in quick succession) who just deal with it.

The reason why certain people ‘attract’ so much drama is not because they attract it but because they create it.

There’s always the same one or two people on my Facebook who post something every week. One of them is always falling out with someone (always the fault of the the person they’ve fallen out with and never them of course) and then they create a post on facebook telling everyone they have had to delete them from facebook because they did xyz! It makes me wonder why so many people are falling out with this one person 🤣

The other one, well she’s had more drama in her life than a soap opera. Again, falling out with her neighbours, moves house because she wants to get away from the street and all the nasty neighbours only to move into a new house and fall out with her neighbours there too. She’s fallen out with her best friend, she’s fallen out with a lot of friends to be fair, always arguing with her ex boyfriend’s new women , has social services involvement for her kids but apparently they are targeting her and are involved for no reason. She posts on facebook about various arguments she’s had with people, how she will never “trust anyone no more”, the list is endless. Then she’s back bessie mates again with all those she’s fallen out with. Until she falls out with them again. You know the type, the ones who make posts on facebook saying “Can’t trust anyone nowadays, from now on it’s just me and my babies fuck the rest of the world.” And then when someone comments to ask what happened they reply with “I’ll inbox you hun”🤣

So you kind of have to realise that people like this who seem to have drama following them about wherever they go is because the issue must lie with them. Can’t be everyone else on the planet attacking this one person.

My partner’s ex is like this, it’s beyond exhausting. Every headache is a terrible migraine, the merest sniffle is flu, a fibroid is cancer (it wasn’t), backache which apparently needs urgent surgery but she’s bravely (and vocally) soldiering on years later with no apparent impact to her life unless it means doing anything for someone other than herself. Constant changes of profile pics on social media with thinly veiled passive aggressive digs at god knows who. Every minor life event is turned into a huge deal, just getting stuck in traffic necessitates a hugely embellished tale of what caused it and a massive exaggeration of how long she was stuck and the impact on her day. I genuinely don’t know how people live like this.

Some people, unfortunately, do have drama to deal with that is not of their making. The rest are narcissists who need the drama to fuel their egos-avoid these types at all costs-they willl never accept that anything is their fault and will drain you .

Some people create the drama. They actively look for fight against, something to be offended about etc. The reasons are varied.

Sometimes shit happens. Sometimes really serious shit happens(or several ) in a short amount of time.

For example, in a span of 3 months my dad died , I found out I was adopted and I had suspected breast cancer and a lump removed all while looking after a baby and living with my mum and trying to make sure she survives dad’s passing. So yes , I spent a while constantly in crisis , fleeting from one overwhelming thing to another and being very, very dramatic .

It’s interesting because I thought to myself that we all have an element of drama in our lives - don’t we?

Dor instance if I think back at my life, and even now, there are moments I think “damn this would make a good book - why is all of this happening to me”

But I think the biggest difference is how you deal with the drama, how you share the drama (some people are dramatic people and love victimhood, so ever single story they share with you sounds like they are life’s target. Whereas I have come across people that have gone through complete devastation but they carry themselves well, they are selective with who they share it with and they don’t want the drama, they just want to work on their lives peacefully). And also how you react to the drama, I went through a huge life change which meant I had to leave the life I knew behind. Staying in it would have been a lot of drama and stress, and I prefer peace. I think there are some people that prefer stress.

In the world of social media you can see those that just want the drama as part of their story and that thrive of sharing drama. I had a friend like this and it was so exhausting. She didn’t care a lot about what was happening to you, but we all had to know exactly what was going on with her - and a lot of it was self inflicted. Just going for bad men, staying with bad friends that hurt her and thriving off talking about all of her bad choices.

I know someone else who is like that, she actually was the reason I had drama in my life, a partners ex who just wouldn’t leave him alone. I followed her social media from time to time and every single post was an attention seeking one - she’s even brazen enough to say “who would like to cause trouble with me, I’m bored” or she’s telling people how to chase men, she’s dancing, the only people that ever comment on her posts seem to be men - but she looks so lonely. She has over 5 kids with different dads. I can’t help but feel sorry for her even though she clearly thrives from destroying lives.

People with drama around them are always attracting it, but sometimes they are good at not letting it show.

I worked with someone who was once a friend, we went camping together with our families and days out.

I know she had a difficult life, was put in care by her mum who had loads of kids with different blokes and then ended up being her mums carer, even though she had her own young kids her mum would ring her constantly at work because she was ill. She didnt ever call any of her other kids 1 who lived with her.

Anyway fast forward a few years she left work and started hanging out with this woman who no one liked as she was lazy at work, but thought she was superior to everyone else!

I lost contact with her as I thought, well shes got her new friends and didnt contact me to meet up.

After 2 years she came back to the work place and had totally changed, she had split up with her kids dad, gone with this bloke who was an alcoholic and drug user. He got caught running drugs and then turned on her when she finished it with him, stalking her constantly, turning up at her house causing problems.

She had adhd and dyslexia, she came back to work always angry, stressed and shouted and swore at the residents. She also shouted and swore at me while I was on the phone!

She always had to know everything and would interrupt me while I was having a conversation with a colleague to tell the colleague what she knew!

It was toxic, she was trampling over her colleagues to make herself look better, not working as a team and sucking up to the new manager, who was just as toxic!

She just created drama or got involved with drama everywhere she went! I just couldn't believe how nasty she became! She always had a drama there were so many over the time I worked with her and I was so concerned about her working with young vulnerable teenagers!

I left that place after 13 years of working there because it was so toxic and the dramas were ridiculous between the new staff also.

I am now working in such a lovely team where everyone is so genuine, caring and respectful to each other! If they do have an issue outside work they leave it at the door and deal with it maturely! What a difference people can make.

I live by what I say, I want a peaceful life with no dramas so I make my space peaceful! I didnt have the best childhood or past, but I do not let it determine my future! I guess some people just do not know how to do this and attract the wrong kind of people to them?

Then a few years ago there was another lady who seemed attract drama. Don't get me wrong she clearly liked playing the victim but she also had a lot of bad luck and had a few awful cards dealt to her eg her daughter died

Did you really write this OP? 😳

I’m in two minds about this…

firstly I think some people just feel unheard. They have good reasons to bang on about this and that but no one close who can shoulder some of the worries over a cuppa.

then there’s the perpetual drama queen. My SIL was a specialist in this career and anytime we travelled to visit the in-laws, guaranteed either just before our arrival or the afternoon of our departure, some crap would hit the fan in her life… it left my MIL absolutely despairing.

Yes I think it is inportant to remember patterns. If someone has been "drama free" or "normal drama levels" most of the time you have known them , and then change - itMs likely they could be going through a shitty patch in life with one thing after another.

I'm also conscious that you could happen to first meet a new person during that time (and therefore conclude they are a drama llama because that's they only way you have seen them) Doesn't mean you have to remain friends or lean into it, if you dont want to but i think there is a difference between saying

"Looks like this person is going through a stage that I can't support/be around/involved with" etc
vs
"this person is a drama queen"

I think it depends on what the drama is. Some people have an awful time with a close run of unfortunate events that you wouldn’t wish on anyone, such as both parents dying, being made redundant, breaking a leg, etc. e.g. all things that are outside their control and are just awful bad luck.
Then you have the Katie Price’s of the world. We all know of at least one. They fall out with everyone, make unnecessary drama, make mountains out of molehills as they love the attention the drama brings. They’re usually the common denominator in all these stressful and dramatic situations they seem to get into. I do believe those types of people (perhaps subconsciously) enjoy inviting drama into their lives.

A regular visitor of a neighbour keeps falling out with people in my street over absolutely nothing and then slags off whoever they've fallen out with to other neighbours (if they can't get indoors quick enough!)

They don't even live here but the drama is off the scale and it's never their fault apparently. Goodness knows what they are like in their own street.

I've observed there is also a weird "cascade" effect that has happened to me.

So Person A is going through a totally catastrophic situation that impacts them personally on every level. They are in a constant state of panic and high alert and are the eye of the storm. They are having to deal with practical and emotional impact of huge proportions and trying to keep it together because they are not the only person affected.

Person B, for whatever reason, decides they are going to white knight into the situation and offer their services as lifebelt, offering things like lifts and companionship and comfort. Person A is grateful accepts this gratefully at face value. Person B then becomes "overwhelmed" and starts impressing on Person A how difficult this is for them. Person A, in the grip of extreme emotions, tries to temper their own behaviour, and ease off on their "unreasonable" expectations". Person B then is offended and feels rejected. Person B then relays how problematic Person A is to a wider circle, who know Person A and the situation but haven't been consistently at the sharp end. Person A is regarded as unreasonable, Person B is now the focus of support and sympathy because they have their own problems. Person B quite enjoys this attention. Person A finds themselves the villain in some eyes. Person A genuinely feels bad about how Person B feels; they also are still dealing with a life changing clusterfuck but it now seems impossible to manage other people's feelings adequately because their own are overwhelming.

The upshot is a gradual poisoning of the wider circles perception. People withdraw because drama. Person A tries to be the bigger person, Person B milks it for all its worth. It all starts with Person A and an event outside of their control. But who is the drama llama?

As time passes, Person A discovers that they encounter a wide berth when they encounter further big problems. Person A tries to be self sufficient and resilient. If Person A speaks honestly about how they feel or why they aren't reaching out, they are told they are bitter and should let it go. Person A no longer trusts their own judgement or perceptions and retreats due to lost confidence and fear of upsetting people. Person A still isn't quite sure exactly what they did wrong, but know they are regarded as volatile, needy and a drama queen.

Someone asked here the other day how to make friends.. I probably didn't word my comments well, but THIS, the things others do, is why I don't look for 'friends' anymore! I just love peace.
A friend 'in need' is sometimes just a bloody nuisance..

Is this street called "Coronation Street" by any chance ? 🙂

I knew a girl once who was a huge drama queen.

She kept having affairs with married men who were on contract work in an area I used to live in. When the contracts ended they left the area and sometimes did it without telling her.
She was really vindictive and tracked them down to their home addresses and rang their homes and wrote to their their wives, saying she was pregnant etc.
We all got fed up with hearing about all these dramas
When I asked her why she did it she said "I need to feel, the only time I know I'm alive is when I feel !"
She was really intense and quite wearing to be around.

I was glad when I moved away.

I understand from the locals that she has just divorced husband No 6.
No, I'm not making this up !

My life has been relentless drama since I became a step-mother thanks to my DH’s ex wife consistently putting the kids in danger, being out to destroy us (no I wasn’t the other woman) and then a whole host of normal life shit like family members dying on top of it all. The difference is I don’t post any of this online but it has been relentless for years and I’m almost totally broken by it. Most people don’t know and I finally broke down infront of a trusted work colleague the other day about DH’s ex wife making allegations against me to my work (that could have lost me my job if they were serious and had any grounding in reality - which they didn’t) and she just told me not to let it get to me, that I was a strong woman and everybody respected me at work. It didn’t really fix anything but reaffirmed that telling people doesn’t help as really nobody knows what to do.

The truth is this level of drama for years is making me anything but strong and I’m an emotional wreck. My DH is amazing and supportive but I really do feel like the world is chucking everything it can at me in order to try and break me. I do keep fighting to stay sane and keep above water but if I’m being honest I am now always (anxiously) waiting for the next drama.

Yeah, I worded it very poorly as I've already explained.

The constant drama and playing the victim started waaaaay before she lost her daughter. It was just an inept way for me to acknowledge that some real shit did happen to her.

My SIL went for me with a knife many years ago but I managed to deflect with my hand which got cut before she was overpowered. I was all for going to the police but was told by her family members It was something over nothing and I couldn’t prove she caused the cut . I didn’t provoke her in anyway other than she was jealous of my relationship with my then fiancé . What sparked it off was that it was raining and the back door was open and I stepped inside my in laws home without knocking. I am convinced people hear about people like her get away with creating drama like this so label you as weak and an easy target so think they can get away with creating drama with you . Absolutely I would report it now and made sure everyone knew I got the police involved. My fiancé got kicked out of the family home not long afterwards, we married and never had contact with his family ever again .

You simultaneously describe someone who has lost a child as dramatic (although are careful to infer this "drama" as "having been dealt a bad hand") and also criticise someone else for their supposed lack of resilience - something which is just your judgement and may or may not be true. Perhaps they'll start a thread entitled: "Why are some people so all-knowing and judgemental?"