Why do some people attract much drama?

[VerifiedAccount]

I know some people make their own drama either on purpose or through poor choices but there also seems to be a whole group of people who just seem to attract it.

For instance, there is a woman on my FB who I dont follow/interact with but who keeps coming up because I read her posts. In the last month she has taken legal action against her son's school. She suddenly stopped talking about it after naking a big deal over seeinv a solicitor so I guess it went nowhere. Reckons a teacher in another school assaulted her daughter with witnesses and on CCTV but there was no action taken against him and is now kicking up a fuss over someone walking into her and getting upset that the police aren't treating it as assault. Something about BTP too. Then the police apparently threatened to arrest her. She also regularly moans that she is being discriminated against different organisations. It must be exhausting being her.

Then a few years ago there was another lady who seemed attract drama. Don't get me wrong she clearly liked playing the victim but she also had a lot of bad luck and had a few awful cards dealt to her eg her daughter died, someone she thought was a friend ripped her off, there was something about a misunderstanding over church funds etc

I see this in real life too. Some people seem to go from one crisis to another. An ex friend had a crazy time for a few years with various housing issues, boyfriend issues and health issues. I suspect it's still ongoing. She isn't hugely resilient so I don't know whether her "dramas" would have been such big deals for other people but still drama.

Are you someone who just can't seem to live calmly? Or does someone who know crash from one disaster to another? Why do you think that is?

Great post and analogy. Wish I'd read this before I wrote my more tedious one that was trying to say a similar thing - you said it better.

Don't get me wrong she clearly liked playing the victim but she also had a lot of bad luck and had a few awful cards dealt to her eg her daughter died

Goodness. In my eyes, somebody whose child has died has a right to be as ‘dramatic’ as they want about things and they are most definitely a victim in life. Poor woman.

They don't attract drama, they create it.

My step-mum was like this. Constant fall-outs with people that went on for months or years.

Didn't speak to me for 5 years over a drama she created out of nothing and when she decided to start talking to me again said 'well you're a drama queen but let's just move on'. I swallowed that for my Dad's sake.

I've never fallen out like that with anyone else in my life, family or otherwise but at the point my step-mum died she wasn't talking to her elderly Dad, her brother, one of her two sisters, her own son, several foster kids she'd had and several long-standing friends that she'd cut off after years for whatever reason she came up with.

It was a very small funeral that I didn't even go to even though she was deigning to talk to me before she died.

I work with someone like this.

The amount of drama they have in their life is staggering. I can’t believe she has not been hospitalised from the stress. Then I realise, she actually thrives on it.

I think some people need the drama so they feel alive. I have had periods in my own life where things have been hectic, crazy and utterly nuts but things do calm down and then I have years of peace.

Some people surround themselves with those who love the drama too so it is constantly created or recreated.

These days I wouldn’t have the mental capacity for it - menopause has left my memory screwed; I’d never remember who said what or why something happened.

I think a lot of them haven't got the common sense or resilience to say 'Oh dear, never mind' about small or even medium annoyances. The sort of thing where a neighbour pisses you off about something and you have a choice between letting it go or dashing round to their house what-the-helling, which escalates it.

This.

If you cause a drama anytime you're inconvenienced or someone says something you don't like or gives you a look you perceive as something, you'll perpetually spend your life in drama of your own creation.

I know someone like this. A few years ago she was housebound for a while due to an ankle thing so I thought she’d be unable to whip up any drama. Until she started on her (extremely nice, normal, quiet and polite) neighbour. She just, literally, can’t help herself.

If she asks my advice I refuse to give it because the underlying question is ‘give me some reason to argue with you’. So I agree with whatever she says even if I can see it is going to end up with her unhappy. Meh 🤷‍♀️.

Because they are bored. Because they need attention. Because they genuinely believe they are special and deserve different treatment to others. The list goes on.

Im always wary of people who are constantly falling out with others or having big dramas. I think its normal to find yourself in conflict or difficult situations now and again but if its constant then it means they are seeking it out and I just don’t have time for that. A friend who is a bit like this recently had a bit of a go at me, I put my point across then left it. Waited for the dust to settle and refused to engage anymore. The best thing you can do with these type of people is deny them the fuel they need to ignite their latest drama.

Prime example is this forum! A handful of posters have genuine real experience of male abuse and/or assault, but the majority of haters is just being dramatic for the sake of it, and loves the idea of living in a dystopian world where they are the victims of a war waged against us by MEN 😂

I had a woman like this in my team. She had more drama in the 8 months she was in the team than I’ve had in 55 years. It was like 2 car crashes one with whiplash, broken ankle (separate to crashes), son was seriously ill a few times, trouble with her ex, her new bf stole from her. She was a remote worker and honestly I didn’t know what to believe - because you don’t want to screw people over if they are genuinely having a rough time but on the other hand you don’t want them taking the piss. I let HR handle it and she left.

Had a work colleague like this.
She was ok until after probation (aren't they always?).
But then the disharmony started. She always seemed to have personal life drama too, which she brought into the workplace.
We had so many "crisis meetings" over very little things. For example we got given the three days holiday between Christmas and new year for free instead of having to take them from our allowance as usual.
Crisis meeting - they're not really a gift as we can't take them whenever we like.
She always managed to get everyone else on her side and turned everyone against the management too. This had never been a problem before.
She let slip that at her previous employment mediators had to be brought in to solve issues between staff and management. Yes, I bet.
She was let go in the end and things went back to normal.

The one with the daughter passing away is a bad example, but otherwise I know exactly what you mean.

I think most people are going through stuff, but for one reason or another, resilience levels are so different. There's also some people who don't seem to have much else going on so they magnify the smallest of issues into something massive.

There are also some really unlucky people too.

What I have found is that because of the cumulative significant "bad luck" whenever things go quiet, I'm in a constant state of waiting for the next "bad thing" to sideswipe me again. Small things going wrong, like a recent leak in my rented flat, which I dealt with appropriately in the moment despite being ankle deep with a seized stopcock (four hours of my life I won't ever get back) can induce intrusive thoughts, catastrophising and physical shaking. I was worried about being evicted, despite it not being my fault at all and I was running 101 disaster mitigation plans for the four weeks it took to get it sorted. I hide it as well as I can and constantly berate myself for the disproportionate reactions to basic things, which is a new thing to me at this level.

I think some people who go drama queen over seemingly small things are possibly just reacting to last straws.

On interpersonal levels, I think it's why after something major, like bereavement, families fall apart over what seems like inconsequential thongs or imagined slights - it's a kind if displacement activity for the real pain they are feeling.

The old me would have written a witty post about my leak on FB. The new me wouldn't dream of it. It's very weird.

Yes I think some people are attention seekers. Others just like highs and lows.

I don't, I prefer everything to stay on an even keel even if that means I have to sacrifice the amazing highs to avoid the lows. I have a pretty quiet and boring life, but it's not traumatic either. Of course you can't avoid things like people dying or getting ill. But a lot of situations can be avoided by planning ahead. A silly example would be only taking hand luggage on a weekend away so you don't spend the whole time trying to retrieve a lost hold case and having the drama that causes.

My mum is a bit of a drama queen - it's low level with her but there's always something going on.

I think toxic people test people’s boundaries and people who don’t have the confidence to shut them down find the drama gets worse and worse . That’s why drama seems to follow certain people about.

Drama loves an audience. Don’t engage!

They don't attract it, they create it.

Anyone I know like this have never had stability and contentment - they don't know any other way. It's like they've been conditioned to chaos and are uncomfortable without it.

I'm not superior. There are a million and one things people would feel superior over me for. Such is life. I try to let people like that wash over because I have enough rubbish going on without people who make me feel bad.

I am just curious why when you see some people pop up on fb, you know it will be just yet another thing. Someone mentioned Katie Price. I'm not going to slag her off because she already gets enough of that but when her name pops up I think most people think."what now?". I'm talking about why some people are like that (not specially KP but just "normal" people who don't seem to have the same "baggage" as her).

I'm not sure they all would though. That's the point.

Absolutely awful thing for her. Obviously I hope to god I never even have to think about that. However some of the drama was before that. Understabsably it seemed to escalate immediately after she lost her daughter and I completely get that but it was always there.

And just too exhausted and just pissed off at everyone equally all the time for no obvious reason. Well there probably was you've just forgotten but you just cba anymore with any of it or anyone.

But I'm talking about people who go from one thing to another. Like people keep saying about falling out with all their family and neighbours over random unrelated things, like they are setting out with the aim of causing a fight.

I get the "final straw" thing and so many things being thrown at you that you can't find your equilibrium between the issues so you are in constant overwhelm. I had a meltdown last week over the most ridiculous thing and like you, I started catastrophising. It wasn't that "thing" that had actually caused me to weep into my pillow for almost a full afternoon (my turn to be a drama queen!) but it acted as the trigger than toppled everything else over.

Lack of intelligence.

I think you’re conflating different things, OP. The first woman you describe is clearly hoping to make money via compensation by threatening legal cases. The woman whose child died is living through something the rest of us can barely imagine — I’m not surprised she experiences life as difficult and isn’t doing some kind of stiff upper lip performance. I admire her for getting up in the morning, frankly. And ‘dramas’ about health and housing often tend to be poverty-related.