AIBU to ask in-laws to remove shoes?

[tirednhn]

Context: 10 month old has been hospitalised twice in the last two weeks for bronch then catching a bug that went straight to his chest. First hospital visit high flow oxygen for four days and NG feeding tube. Second oxygen for 4 hours.

I grew up in a shoes off house. Do it automatically as does DH, DC and my family and guests. In-laws however just walk straight in even though I’ve repeatedly asked if they can remove their shoes.

10 month old and 2 year old basically live on the floor downstairs playing, it’s LVT so isn’t carpeted. Little one was discharged on Monday after having to call 999 and get him taken to hospital via an ambulance simply for catching the common cold as he’s so run down.

FIL dropped off my toddler (at their request to take her) and stormed straight through standing next to the playmat where he was playing. We reminded everyone a few days ago to remove shoes. The annoying thing is he didn’t even utter one word to me, just stood looking at baby so no need for him to come in the house. MIL took her shoes off and came through and we spoke, done handover etc. We’re trying to mitigate as much germs as possible just now and feel like I’m going mad! I know I’m unable to remove all germs but with such a poorly baby I don’t want all sorts trailed through the house if I can help it.

Your house, your rules! Wearing outdoor shoes indoors is disgusting even if a baby isn’t unwell!

Honestly chill about the germs.

But your house your rules. We don’t allow shoes on in our house to keep the carpets nice.

As you will have probably seen from the other threads about shoes on in the house, most people are going to rush to agree with you.

Personally I hate taking my shoes off in someone’s house (especially if they have small children as they aren’t terribly hygienic and the floors aren’t necessarily very clean) but then it doesn’t happen often as I don’t know anyone socially who insists on it in real life luckily.

I understand I’m being OTT but him catching a common cold has landed him back in hospital again within a week, via ambulance etc. I’m not normally as pedantic.

Well it's up to you whether people wear shoes or not, but your child is not going to become unwell from shoe germs.

Bold move to tell OP to "Chill about the germs" after reading that post.

Ils are grim ime. My ils have never seen dgc walking as dd refuses to put her dc down on their carpets .
Dh needs to be having stern words.

Why can’t DH deal with it?

‘Stern words’? Seriously? It’s fine to lay the law down in your own house but they aren’t recalcitrant toddlers.

You have a DH problem.

If the rule are shoes off, then it's shoes off. You don't have to explain why. They can choose to remove their shoes when the visit or choose not to visit.

Why is your DH not addressing this with them?

Well that's batshit.

Well polite words are being ignored.

DH literally told them on Monday again when we got discharged from hospital. Took them off Monday, walked straight in tonight. It’s always him that tells them.

I think you're literally going to have to meet your FIL at the door and say it there and then each time...or even better your DH should. In fairness at least your MIL did it so that's a plus for her.

Total aside but I was in a portaloo at my son's football tournament a couple of weeks ago...in my clean white trainers as the grass outside was dry...and the floor was absolutely grim. I thought immediately of mumsnet! (I would classify myself in the 'shoes off' (but not militant) category but this did sway me further on the 'shoes off' scale!)

This - meet him at the door. Offer him a box to put his shoes in if you need to. It's intentional at this point.

Your house, your rules I suppose, but it isn't something I insist on providing that shoes are not visibly filthy and muddy.

I can see why your child's recent illnesses and hospitalisations have made you more nervous though.

It’s fine to say no shoes, many people have a shoes odd household, it’s perfectly normal. Focusing on the germs isn’t though, your child is not going to catch a cold or infection because someone was wearing shoes in the house. If I was you I would be putting your focus on the normal reason people take their shoes off, cleanliness.

Wearing shoes in the house will have absolutely no impact on your child’s health.

You're going to have to be prepared to stop them /him at the door and tell them to take shoes off before you let them past.

Shoes off in the main living room because it’s carpets. Rest of the place is hard floor, so shoes can stay on.

i can’t imagine anyone will be catching anything from shoe germs

Keep doors locked
Meet at door
Tell them shoes off
Block entrance until shoes are off
It's your home. Your rules. Very very rude not to stick to rules in someone else's home

I don’t understand people who would leave their shoes on in the house. Why would you bring unnecessary dirt into the house? It’s so easy to just take your shoes off and if you really don’t like just wearing socks then wear slippers?

I insist my children take their shoes off at the door and I’d ask all guests to do the same. I’d not insist but I’d think twice about inviting them again.

Luckily the only people I know who have not automatically taken their shoes off are older family members and it’s not been hard to suggest cafe meet ups rather than invite them over again. Everyone my age automatically removes their shoes without me having to say anything. I do the same in their houses.

OP I think you can ask FIL to take his shoes off. Provide him with those slip on slider things you get at spas (where, incidentally, you aren’t allowed to walk around in outdoor shoes because it’s dirty)

Seriously? The pavements and streets around you are super clean?

Colds and respiratory viruses are far more likely to spread on people’s hands than their feet. But it’s your house, your rules. MN is generally pro-shoes off, but think you’ve got OCD if you wash your hands when you come in from outside which makes no sense to me.

Lock your doors so you can intercept them before they come in and ask them each time to take their shoes off- are they avoiding it as they have lace ups and struggle to bend over/ get shoes on off?