Family mocked in group chat- was i overreacting?

[AncientWasp]

At a wedding not long ago, my parents were there as were several of my friends. Few days later I was sitting near one of my friends and she was scrolling through a chat she has with 2 of our friends. I know it was wrong to look, but I was shocked to see 'Wasp's Mum' something about the dress she was wearing and 2 laughing emojis on the comment.
It moved too quickly to read the full comment properly but it was implied they were having a laugh at whatever my Mum was wearing.
I immediately said to my friend that I did not appreciate that, this was not ok. They don't know my Mum, this wasn't some friendly banter to her face, they were mocking her behind her back.
They don't have to like what she's wearing but I found that very catty. She apologised and said no harm was meant.
I decided to drop it and move on but I am put off this friend a little bit right now. Was I overreacting?

So why are you telling OP how to feel? Are you the friend in question?

I take it you'd tell your DD she was being a drama llama if she came home upset because some nasty bitches friends were taking the piss out of her clothes and sneering behind her back?

It's not something I've ever engaged in. It's not something I have ever heard my friends engage in, neither about my own nor anyone else's parents. It's shallow and dumb to make fun of other people's clothes. It's beyond nasty to make fun of your friend's mum.

Yeah if it wasn't shockingly inappropriate then they were being completely out of order and I wouldn't want to be their friend.

At a friend's wedding, mother of the groom wore a dress akin to a Bopeep outfit (I kid you not, large hat and parasol to boot). That definitely got comments.

Gosh have you never had a conversation with your friend about X’s outfit at this or that occasion? If they don’t know your mother she’s of no consequence to them. I’ve had a chat with my sister about a cousin’s hideous choice of outfit at a wedding. I mean this is what people do.
I do not gossip about friends, and you would like to think if they cared for you that respect would cover you mum too. But all these sanctimonious posts telling you to drop the friendship? I bet they’ve done the exact same thing at some point!

And was this woman the author of the post or someone else?

This forum is not used to mock people at all!!

The fact that you’ve basically just admitted that’s the reason you’re on this site is actually really embarrassing.

I don’t usually judge posters but in this case I’ll make an exception.
I absolutely judge you for being a miserable lonely bitch.

Doesn't matter what she was wearing. That is plain bitchy.

It sounds unkind and thoughtless to me. I wouldn't spend time at a wedding exchanging bitchy messages with my friends. It is very reasonable for OP to feel upset, and in her position I would confront her friend.

I am so sick of seeing and hearing the expression "banter", which is so often these days used to excuse racist and misogynistic talk between men.

Being told to "chill" is pretty annoying as well.

It's ok to mock if it's a stranger?

That's what a lot of people in her age group criticise people from your mum's age group for! Not big deal/only words/snowflake/don't take it so seriously/older women are bitchy and don't empower other women!
Sad to see this nastiness. Maybe it's jealousy, but either way I'd not want to be friends with them. Mean to your mum but also putting you down.

"I'm a kind person"

Two seconds later..

"You're a miserable lonely bitch"

I think we're all starting to agree maybe I have a point now.

And by the way..

No, I don't engage in this mocking behaviour.

I just know that people do it.

And the people who do it the most?

They're the ones who pretend they never do it.

So basically they were trying to make you the problem? Yeah, ditch them.

I mean it's none of her business really what anyone else is wearing. She may have thought it was ghastly but to snigger about it on a group chat, especially when they had given them a lift is rude. And behind the OPs back when they are meant to be friends is different from saying it to her face. I'd go cold as ice and let her squirm.

This.

It is mean. Just childish and mean. Well done for calling it out op.

Naaah, sorry but this wouldn't be something I could get over - not just the fact that your 'friend' was an absolute bitch in the first place but also that she did it AFTER GETTING A FUCKING LIFT off your Mum AND that she doesn't even have the common decency to apologise when caught red handed being an absolute shite!

Hand her her bitch ass and dump her off, OP.

Or better still, send her the link to this thread and let us tell her for you.

Horrible, HORRIBLE cow.

She’s not wrong in the sense that that’s what people do - it’s not nice, but it’s pretty standard behaviour for people in general. It wasn’t sent directly to you with malicious intent. Personally, it might change how I see those people, yes, but I couldn’t get worked up about it.

No, I don't engage in this mocking behaviour.

And the people who do it the most?

They're the ones who pretend they never do it.

Isn’t that a contradiction???

You admitted that you do it.

Now you’re saying that you don’t do it but you’re also saying that those that say they don’t do it are the ones who do it the most 🤔

You’re tying yourself in knots but you have already outed yourself out as a very nasty, miserable person.

Ah, the traditional defence of the habitual bully, "haven't you got a sense of humour?". As is often said on Mumsnet, it's only funny when everyone's laughing, and this kind of cruelty is never funny. I'd be rethinking my relationship with her, personally.

What on earth do people think when they defend themselves with 'no harm was meant'?

Yes, you did mean harm, you were mocking someone. You wanted everyone to laugh at them, you offered them up as a target.

I guess 'harm was meant' = you punch someone?

Idiots.

No fuck her off

it isn’t ok*

What really isn’t ok that she wasn’t mortified and apologising profusely. That is what should tell you she’s not worth keeping around.

*we have all made bitchy remarks, but there’s a big difference between saying something rude if your mum was wearing a totally appropriate outfit and they were just being mean, or if she was wearing a white floor length dress to a wedding and they were laughing at the obvious inappropriateness.

I'd let it go. No one is 100% sweet, kind and pleasant 100%, not even the Dalai Lama or the Pope or the sweetest nursery school teacher is perfect. We all occasionally say something unpleasant or bitchy or thoughtless about friends/family/acquaintances/colleagues/celebrities and strangers on the street. It's not meant for their ears so no harm is done.

I'd be mortified of people knew some of the unkind jokes I've made behind their back. It's private, dark humour and I would never want them to hear it and be hurt. A thoughtless or tasteless quip can be a snapshot of a single moment in time not a reflection of the way I feel about them.

This was a private chat. She didn't intend for you or your mum to see it but sadly you did. Your friend has apologised. You should graciously accept it and move on. I'm sure your friend will be more discreet in future.

What a rude cow.
I wouldn't want to be near her or the other two.
Who does.
Nasty.

No harm? Mocking someone's mum, whom has put herself out to give you a lift?

Not a chance I would let that go.
So rude and disrespectful.

Is mocking people behind their back really common banter? It seems to be increasingly defended as such as by those who engage in it, it seems. And no, we've not all engaged in it.

Fuck that shit! I would not speak to them any more.

Not unreasonable no way would I be happy with someone skitting my mum. I would possibly never speak to them again