To not attend this party as it’s at the child’s home?

[hiddenforest]

Normally I love a kids party but this one is in someone’s home. When this has happened before I find it so stressful trying to make sure my children don’t accidentally break something or go somewhere they aren’t supposed to.

That's what I'd assume, especially if, as the OP suggests, the house isn't big. Looking back to DS's reception days, most of the home parties were in summer for this reason. The kids were only inside to use the loo. The chances of them shattering the ancestral crystal were comparatively low.

The host has decided to risk it. They arewell prepped.
Or
It will be the lasttime !

Yeah, but ALL kids do, not just yours. Take him. It'll be fine.

My Children had many parties at home including the teenage years. Cannot remember it ever being a problem! I personally think children are much better behaved when their parents are not around in general . It just wasn’t a thing when my lot were young.

Ha brilliant. Yeah I prefer not to do parties at home. It is way more work, and I don't like hoards of children and their hanger on parents in and out of my loo, touching my stuff and terrorising my pets. I guess home is our sanctuary and chaos is best outsourced.

don't worry about it. not your house anyway!

I have 5 children and have had dozens of home parties! Yes the children can get excitable but tend to be better behaved for someone else's parents! If the hosts are sensible, they'll have put away valuables and will keep the children busy with games and activities. I would imagine they might have a covered area outside for the children to play if it's dry. I would let him go and make sure he has sunscreen and a hat.

Having hosted a few children’s parties at home, OP, I actually found it slightly easier when parents didn’t stay because I was then responsible for keeping children in check — and as a (then) primary school teacher, I found that relatively easy. I don’t think there are any rights or wrongs here though — if you’d find it stressful worrying about what your DS might be doing in your absence, then there’s no obligation to take him, and unlike some on here, I don’t think he’ll be scarred for life as a result. Equally, you could perhaps have a quick word with the other parent and see what they suggest; they might be able to reassure you…

I’m going to go against the majority vote and say trust your gut and don’t take him OP.

Only you know how he really might behave and it’s better to miss out on one party then to fall out with the host and party child over damage caused or by your DS doing something that might upset them or other children.
If something does happen that could have been avoided then you’ll kick yourself for not trusting your instincts and it’ll upset your DS and possibly impact any more invites to social occasions which would be frustrating when it could have been prevented.

My sister did a party at home for my niece thinking all the kids would be occupied or mostly outside in the garden and had put anything that could have been damaged in another room.

On the day most kids behaved but a couple just wouldn’t listen or join in the party and were focused on running round the house.
It wasn’t possible to keep an eye on a big group of children and the individual ones that were running riot at the same time - it was a drop and go and just my sister and two friends supervising.

They took plastic cups of Ribena through the house that got everywhere and stained bedding and furniture, a clock that was our great grandparents actually got pulled off the wall (or maybe just fell from the kids running round frantically?) and was irreparably damaged, some presents were open and damaged and the craft box (hidden in my sisters bedroom) was upended which contained scissors which caused a lot of destruction.
My sister is very house proud and had my niece young and had worked so hard and scrimped and saved to make her home lovely and was heartbroken that she couldn’t afford to replace a lot of things. A lot of my nieces things were broken which made it worse.
She was in tears when the parents came to collect the kids and shrugged off the damage and didn’t offer to replace anything.

It caused a lot of future conflict with the parents saying my sister was a drama queen and it was her own fault and some people siding with them and others with my sister.
My niece wasn’t invited to quite a few parties in the future.

If you can avoid being put in that position then why do it to yourself - even if the risk is small is it worth it?

You sound so considerate and I think it would be more appreciated if you prevent your DS from ruining the party than if he attends.

The jist of what I think you are saying is something along the lines of - he goes to the party gets a bit giddy and bumps into a table trying to outdo his friend in a silly dance competition. There was Aunt Marge's cup of coffee on the table, this goes flying the cup breaks and there is coffee on the floor and sofa

What do you fear would happen next?
Reality is probably something like ...
The large bits of cup are picked up, the floor and. sofa are both wipe-down-able and coffee is quickly cleaned up. A sweep and a hoover ensure there's nothing that anyone could stand on and hurt themselves with. Someone makes Marge a fresh cup of coffee.

I'm a squirrels leaders and there are definitely groups for 4-5 young people who do just encourage one another and there are flailing limbs and all sorts going on. They do tend to listen better spoken to as a group rather than try to get each individual to calm down. There's more incentive as you don't have "but X is doing it's and it's easier for misdirection.

All the best parties my DC had were at home. We had ball pits, bouncy castles, magicians and garden games. They were great. My DD wanted a dinner party when she was 12 so they had three courses, Shloer in wine glasses and loved it.
These parties often involved more time
and effort but were usually
cheaper and more enjoyable than a venue.

Kind of but (if the last at home party is anything to go by) more charging and rampaging through the house, going into toy boxes, emptying toy boxes, trampling over toys chasing one another, knocking cakes and sandwiches over, treading them into carpets, etc.

I'm guessing you absolutely bollocked him the last time though, so just reiterate your expectations before he goes in and warn him that if Oscar's mum tells you he has been naughty he's going to be in big trouble.
You have to give him a chance.

That’s disgusting behaviour from the children who did that rampaging at 5 years old. Let your son go but, in front of him, tell the parent(s) that if there’s even a hint of him rampaging, getting over-excited, disobeying instructions, etc, then they are to phone you immediately and you’ll come and collect him.

i had a party for 30 five year old children in my houseand the key is to be super strict and set your expectations for behaviour. Not exceeding two hours in duration helps too!

I don’t know if you’re reading my responses at all. I’ve explained so many times now I was with him on that occasion so stopped him so he didn’t. You also keep answering telling me to drop and go and I keep saying it is a drop and go.

Sorry - it’s hot and I’m probably grouchy but it does get a bit exasperating when it’s clear you’re talking to yourself!

Let him go - its a good experience to be somewhere else without you.

If the parent hosting the parent is dim enough to let kids get overly silly and hurtle around, more fool them.

By not sending him, you're punishing the birthday kid, who can't understand your reasoning and wouldn't ever actually find it out anyway, you're denying your kid the opportunity to learn and grow socially too and likely if you DID tell the party host why, potentially offending them.

?

’I am sorry but Thomas is away that Saturday. Thanks so much for the invite, hope Oliver has a great birthday’ is all you would say!

They’ll probably be outside most of the time.
Have a word with the hosts beforehand, in his hearing, say that he can get a bit excitable at parties and please don’t hesitate to call you if needed and you can either come and pick him up or supervise. That you’d rather they do this and they’d be doing you a favour rather than suffering in silence. Then reiterate to him again that he’ll have to behave or you’ll pick him up. And follow through.
If he knows that will be the case, he’ll learn pretty fast, especially if you are called.

This is clearly all about your anxiety though.
Your kid isn't a monster, he's a normal kid, he might get over excited at a birthday party. The world won't end.
The hosts have chosen to host and the birthday boy wants your kid to come. Presumably your kid wants to go.
The only problem is you catastrophising.

I don't actually think kids have dramatically changed their physiology or development since the 90s, or in fact the times I was going to kids parties in the 60s/early 70s. All of them without exception were held at home and heavily supervised by hosting parents. No other parents stayed, ever, and I don't remember any particular bad behaviour or mayhem.

If you are so concerned DS is likely to behave badly, keep him away and maybe work on his socialisation, but don't blame people who want something perfectly normal for wanting something perfectly normal.

I don’t have anxiety in the slightest. I’m pretty chilled and laid back. However, I do have basic consideration. It’s twofold: I don’t want him ruining another kids birthday and I also don’t want other people thinking badly of him.

I am a bit baffled as to how you’ve extrapolated ‘anxiety’ from that. Sometimes, certain settings just aren’t the best fit for your child at a particular time. In my time as a parent, I’ve given certain parks a wide berth, haven’t done the food shop when hungry / tired (children, although sometimes I suspect me too!) and try to avoid driving far past a certain time.

Common sense isn’t anxiety.

I haven’t blamed anybody!

What was the point of this thread if you are totally convinced your child can't behave at a birthday party?

It’s interesting hearing other views
Really? Because you've just been pretty ignorant about anybody else's views that don't align to your own

I hosted many a kids party at home and they were the best.

Unless completely stupid host will
have hidden the Ming vase.

In my experience children are better once the parent has left. Less clingy and more likely to join in games.

Hopefully there will be a second adult to ensure no running in bedrooms. You say small house . Does that mean no downstairs toilet? If so a second adult is essential. You could offer to stay to be a help to the host.

I never experienced a disaster whilst hosting a party of a dozen kids but the stories I could tell of play dates gone wrong where I was chatting to the mum
and children were little devils, Jeez that’s several more stories everything including broken bones. Play dates are more hazardous 😂