To not attend this party as it’s at the child’s home?

[hiddenforest]

Normally I love a kids party but this one is in someone’s home. When this has happened before I find it so stressful trying to make sure my children don’t accidentally break something or go somewhere they aren’t supposed to.

But it's perfectly possible to get kids to behave without hitting them. Your posts are giving the impression that it's not possible to control small children, and that isn't the case.

"I think there’s a very good chance ds will get wild and silly and things broken and or people hurt."

OP I don't think that is normal behaviour for a 5 year old. If his behaviour is keeping you from allowing him to attend birthday parties at his classmates' homes, then it may be worth talking to his teacher and seeing whether he may need some help with self-regulation.

Could you call the party child's parent, explain your child is going through an over-excitable stage and if they need to tell him off to calm him down, please do? Or ask if you can stay too (and offer to help)?

OP: AIBU
POLL: 98% YABU
OP: No, I'm not
🙄

My children are teenagers now, but we’ve had a number of parties at our house and my children have been to parties at friend’s houses and not once did a riot occur or anything get broken! I think you are overthinking it, it’s not something I would have worried about.

On the rare occasion we host kids who aren’t related to us we lock up everything we’re precious about getting broken and tell the kids to lock anything they don’t want to share in our room. Tbh most of the time if it’s not triennial rain we banish small children to the garden 😭. I think you’re worrying too much.

I was born in the 80s and got smacked all the time! My husband is the same age as me and his childhood was the same.

@hiddenforest honestly as someone who's done a few "house parties for kids" don't stress! It'll likely be in the garden this time of year. If the parents have any sense, anything breakable will be out well out the way and a bit of mess will be expected.

Although I can still remember a minor spike in anxiety when we attended another house party and I noticed that on a shelf right next to where some of the kids were milling about was an urn with the hosts father's ashes inside 😬 It was fine though!

Like someone already suggested, could you just ask the parents if they'd mind you staying with your son, they might be able to accommodate one parent.

It is possible, of course, but it is less simple shall we say. I am of course not suggesting I wish to return to the 80s; I don’t. But I also know that when children are in that wired and manic state it is difficult to get them to calm down and listen sensibly. It just is, and no amount of insults directed at me will change that. (I don’t mean you, by the way, but there have been a number of rather unpleasant indirect swipes at both me and at ds.)

If I wasn’t an engaged and supportive parent I wouldn’t give a shit, let him go and just smile weakly, wouldn’t I? That’s obviously not what I’m proposing.

@BudgetBuster i haven’t actually said what I’m thinking of doing, but in fairness if I lived my life solely on MN polls I’d have been married and divorced in the same three month period, had both children assessed for autism more times than hot dinners, quit work and increased my hours and got signed off sick all at once. It’s interesting hearing other views but as Shylock said to Antonio I am not bound to please thee with my answers.

I did respond to this and explained if I do this I’d have to take my other child as well which given space is already an issue is likely to put them in an awkward position.

This is an eye-opener! I didn't know parties at home were anything unusual. I only ever had birthday parties at home and same for dcs... Maybe girls are different!

This is bizarre. We have hosted all of our children's parties at home our entire lives, and we have never had a problem. I sit them down at the beginning of the party, explain the rules ("no balls inside the house" and so on) and then we get on with it. Including the energetic children, just called them to order occasionally or gave them a task to help me.

Are your children feral ? If not, just let them go, I’m sure the hosts can keep them in check

Are they really expecting you to stay? Most home parties don't have the room for children and parents.

This must be the sixth or seventh time I’ve explained it’s a drop and go party; that’s what I am a little worried about. I can manage him myself but don’t really expect others to especially not when they want to celebrate their own child’s party,

Why don’t you expect your child to behave, though? A five-year-old shouldn’t need any supervision at all at a party, apart from the hosts.

That's not really a quotation I'd be throwing around, given that the context is someone insisting on cutting a pound of flesh from the chest of a debtor, despite being offered twice the sum owed.

I am hosting my kids party at home. Nothing will be out that will be valuable- and it's in the middle of the summer home and a lot of people will be away ...
We are going to do biscuit/cupcake decorating, pass the parcel, milking a glove, cow darts etc....
It will be fun and I don't really care if people don't come because it's at my house.... We have cats and honestly they have broken more things than children ever have (plus I like baking lots so their will be tonnes of homemade cakes/biscuits etc which I couldn't do at a soft play party)....

Oh and their will be stuff for the adults and pool/darts for them.... Hopefully it will be sunny and the garden will be where the children are!!!

I’ve explained a few times and another poster has with a very similar sounding ds

The problem with these types of children is that when they go into that manic, hyped up state it’s extremely difficult to calm them down. This doesn’t necessarily involve ‘deliberate’ poor behaviour; it’s more charging around (and therefore knocking things and people over) pushing and shoving past others, trampling on things they or others have dropped. If I’m with him I can manage this but I don’t expect others to. I’m not sure why that’s proving so contentious in all honesty; the thread has a very snide feel to it from some posters.

That's where our job comes in as parents to teach them to behave and have good manners.

Just go along and try to relax a little. It's a nice thing for DC to be invited to parties and people's homes.

Given your last sentence, why not have an honest discussion with the mum, explaining that you worry that your child can sometimes be a handful in a confined space with added sugar, and so you think it's probably better that he doesn't come if there are going to be plenty of other kids. However you know that a lot of people are away, so if numbers are low, you can rethink.

I think parties at home can work absolutely fine, provided numbers aren't too high and the parents know what they are doing. If the parent happens to be a primary school teacher or cub leader, it will probably be absolutely fine. If they feed the kids lots of sugar and just provide a bouncy castle and water fight equipment, with no structured activity, it could be a nightmare.

(You could try and suss out what it would be like by saying "I don't think I'd dare have a party at home; I don't know how I'd stop them just wrecking the place" - the response might make it very clear whether the parent knows what they are doing.)

Parents aren’t attending!

Won’t they mostly be in the garden this time of year ? I would expect the party to be there really. All food, drinks, games etc.
And any parent with any sense would remove anything very obviously breakable ?
Take a quick look when dropping them off.