To not attend this party as it’s at the child’s home?

[hiddenforest]

Normally I love a kids party but this one is in someone’s home. When this has happened before I find it so stressful trying to make sure my children don’t accidentally break something or go somewhere they aren’t supposed to.

It won't just be this one party though, are you going to force your child to miss out on lots of parties just because they happen to be at the child's house? I'd say around 50% of the parties my kids are invited to are at someone's home. It would never cross my mind to make them miss out! All kids get silly at parties, I'd assume the hosts would account for that and not let anything valuable be in reach of the kids. Your poor child will really miss out if this is a rule you enforce.

I was definitely as young. When my brother was 7, I was 5 and we have photos of parties at home from the time I was 3.

Not forever! But I'm actually with OP. I wish I hadn't done any household parties with my kid until he was a bit older like 7 or 8.

Mine is often the same. It’s fine at soft play or a village hall as the whole point of soft play is to charge round like a madman but in someone’s home it is different.

I am glad someone else understands 😂

We had all DC parties at home until they were in P7/P7. I’m a teacher. 12 small children for a couple of hours is pretty damn easy! Lots of well-organised party games will keep them busy. Parents can relax with a wee glass of bubbly.

well - it’s now July and this is the only ‘home’ party we’ve had an invite to. The others have all been soft play or similar. The party we received a home invite to was back in December and that wasn’t a school friend. So I don’t think it’s the case he’d be missing hundreds of parties.

The main reason I’m hesitating is I know a lot of others can’t go as a few people seem to be away.

I don't think my kids have ever been invited to a single home party.

Playdates, sleepovers yes, but actual parties? never.
I would never host a kids party at home either 😂

I think he will probably be much better behaved if you are not there. Children usually behave better for other people .
How does he behave at school? He must be used to being with other children and know how to behave.
Presumably the party hosts the have organised games and things for them to do that will keep him occupied.

Neither would I 😱 😂

I find it amazing that you care so much that you'd rather decline than creating chaos, I wish more parents were like you! Life would be better for all of us.

He needs to learn to behave, for his own sake, or he will miss out on every playdate and will never go anywhere.

@Tryagain26 but school isn’t a party and it’s the relative small space. He’s really well behaved in the classroom but does sometimes get time outs at social times because he starts pelting around and not listening to adults. When you pull him up on it and how rude it is he’s often upset and apologetic but in the moment he’s fizzed up and it’s hard getting him back down (metaphorically I mean, thankfully he hasn’t been extracted from the school roof yet.)

I had quite a few parties at home when the dc were little, and I don't remember anything getting broken. I think it's a shame to decline the invitation for that reason personally, but you know your child best.

Do you know how many children have been invited?

Why not tell him that if he misbehaves at the party you will hear about it and he will be punished? You can wring your hands all you like about 'different times' in terms of discipline but in the end it's up to you to make sure he knows what is expected of him and to deliver a memorable piece of fallout if he fails to behave. What was your response that last time you witnessed him misbehaving at the party?

Tell him he must behave as if he's at school at lesson time when he's at the party (and you need to come down hard on his misbehavior in school too - what unpleasant experience did you dish out on the occasions when you had reports of his behaviour there?)

The more parents keep lowering the bar, only taking them to places where they can behave like young apes, and the less decorum they expect from children, the less chance children get to learn how to conduct themselves.

He does behave really well on play dates. No issues there. He gets over excited, silly and hyper when there’s a lot of children, sugar, cake and music / games which isn’t all that unusual but is just not ideal in someone else’s home largely unsupervised!

You need to give your children an appropriate level of freedom where they can be trusted to be supervised by their friends parent at their house.
They learn rules from you and they'll learn the rules of their friends house.

If your child is not able to behave themselves in that environment then they won't ever learn if you just bar them from having playdates at others houses.

Well I suppose if he can’t be relied upon to not get so over excited/manic/ whatever you want to term it and you think he’ll end up trashing the house then don’t send him. They are only 5 so I’m sure it won’t ruin his future friendships 😀 we had two boys at my DS party recently who were really badly behaved, rude and destructive and I’d have been frankly delighted had their parents decided they couldn’t behave enough to come. Appreciate he is 5 but he’s had a year at school so should be capable of understanding the need for care with stuff. Obviously accidents happen though but this sounds like you have bigger worries than just that.

I am also grateful that there's no such thing as "drop and run" parties for the younger ones around here, and it's beyond rude not to supervise your own child.

I am amazed by so many posters who WANT to host house parties and absolutely do not want the parents to stay!

Can't you just drop him off and go?

Arent most kids parties at homes? Most of the ones we go to are. It’ll seem weird if your kid doesnt go, and sad for him.

I don’t think that would have any affect ‘in the moment’ @mathanxiety

My hands are very much unwrung and I trust yours are too

@BillieWiper i agree but giving him freedom shouldn’t come at a personal or sentimental cost to someone else. I know at the ‘other party’ a little girl had a book she valued torn and a birthday present broken and yes, she should have put it away but it’s still done isn’t it?

@Oliwiaa yes. I could. How would that help? I’m genuinely asking, sorry, not trying to be obtuse.

@Peonies12 ours aren’t but maybe some are, I couldn’t speak for everyone of course.

I think you need to learn to manage your stress levels before it hinders your child.

I get it, kids loaded up on sugar can be different beasts than they are ordinarily, but the hosts know and expect this to be the case. Personally I hate at home parties because I cant be bothered with the prep and cleanup 😂 But I've often had a few kids in one go over to play and it's expected they get giddy.

If you can't manage your stress (you've mentioned your stress a few times in this thread) then I think going forward your son will miss out on a lot.

I don’t think I’m in need of imminent stress intervention because I’m being cautious about things, tbh.

Ds went through a very snatchy and hitting stage as a toddler (18 months - 2 was when it peaked) and during this time I just didn’t go to stay and play type groups with him as I would spend the entire time wrestling toys off him he’d taken from another child. Instead, we did structured classes where he was fine.

Knowing your child’s strengths and challenges and avoiding certain activities with them because of those isn’t linked to stress, just common sense. I don’t want ds to give others the wrong impression and I don’t want anyone’s things destroyed.

I will tell you why I was delighted when drop and run became a thing - because I do not want to have to entertain/chat/find a job for multiple parents (why do both often come and with small siblings?!? When I want to run and enjoy my own child’s party. By and large many do not supervise, they stand about drinking tea and coffee that I am providing or getting in the way. OR they hover over child and become a pain - child less likely to join in etc I will always have drafted in enough adults that are useful and will help so that I do not need parents staying too. Plus kids more often that not are far more likely to join in if they are just with their mates rather than a mum or dad hovering.

In my day all parties were at home! And no, I can't recall anyone smashing anything. I can remember one kid stealing my toy tho, ha.

I should imagine in this weather that the children will be making the most of the garden.

Come on, he's 5!

Kids develop at different rates.

My boy at 3 - monster everywhere
At 5 - would behave beautifully at school and playdates, still lose the plot at parties. not because he didn't know how to behave but because he'd be so overwhelmed he'd forget himself
By 7 - fine in all settings