To not attend this party as it’s at the child’s home?

[hiddenforest]

Normally I love a kids party but this one is in someone’s home. When this has happened before I find it so stressful trying to make sure my children don’t accidentally break something or go somewhere they aren’t supposed to.

Does your child have some extreme behavioural difficulties or is he just an average 5 year old?

If he's just a normal, lively child then let him go to the party. The hosts also have a 5 year old, they know what they're like and they've chosen to have a party at home.

Any worry here is all the host parents'. Let your child go, home parties are great!

But you do know it was fairly commonplace in the 80s. It’s like anything: individually you may or may not have done it but collectively would have been aware. Smoking is another example. Did my parents smoke; no, was smoking fairly commonplace, yes.

The 80s were very different regarding discipline, that’s not intended contentiously, it just was.

Kids need explicit training just as puppies do.

Yes, I realise that will be taken the wrong way. What I'm getting at is that it is up to the parent to train the child to listen. Everything else springs from that.

At 5, a child should be able to think twice about going berserk in someone else's house, in a shop, or at any special occasion. No child of 5 should feel free to run indoors or jump on furniture, etc.

Expectations of children's ability to learn from explicit teaching of behaviour have clearly sunk very low. If they could manage it three or four decades ago, they can manage it now. My DCs were not slapped or given draconian punishment back in the 1990s, but they learned to listen because there were immediate and very predictable consequences for failure to do so - we left the supermarket or the library or the playground or the pool, etc, regardless of how eagerly anticipated any outing was. They were warned before we arrived anywhere, we had a pep talk, and they knew I would follow through on any consequences I told them I would impose.

Do you know the parents? I'd have a firm word with DS in advance about party behaviour, and mention to the parents when you drop him off that if he gets overexcited and needs to be picked up early then it's not an issue (and make sure they have your phone number). He is very likely to be fine... If you do end up needing to pick him up early you can reference that the next time, so that he learns bad behaviour = missing out.

Is your child noticeably more badly behaved than others? Are they obviously much more of a liability for this kind of thing than any other child?

How many of your children were invited to the party? Can you just take one so you don’t have to split your attention?

Yabu. My daughter having a party at home this year. We've done it before. We doing it as I can't afford to rent anywhere. She's been to lots of parties at home. That's what parties were when I was growing up.

Exactly. When mine was at school most kid's parties were at home and everyone was prepared for mishaps. You're overthinking this, honestly. Surely you aren't going to be there anyway, just drop and pick up.

Its normal to make mess and accidentally break stuff.

My child's parties are at our house. Obviously I put away anything dangerous or valuable and ask them not to go in any rooms with closed doors. So far, the worst that's happened is a chocolate stain on a chair (which tbh was my own fault for forgetting to put a cover over). I invite them in the full knowledge that they're children.

If you'd find it stressful, do you need to stay? Not all our parents did.

Then it’s up to parents to control their out of control children!!

Of course it's sad if a kid damages another's property. I mean if you really do think there's no chance your child won't do something like that then I guess don't let them go. But surely they need to learn to play nicely?

If you are genuinely that worried and he is really that prone to getting hyped, just skip it. Missing one party at that age won't make a jot of difference to his life.

Revisit the issue if you find you are constantly skipping social things to accommodate his manic behaviour and your anxiety.

None of mine were/are feral so it’s never occurred to me to worry about this. Is there another reason you don’t want to take him? I can’t be arsed with kids parties to often dream up reasons to cancel (but don’t).

I it's a drop & go then that answers the part about staying.

If you think the other parents won't be able to keep your son under control then perhaps best if he doesn't go I would say.

Are you seriously saying you're considering not letting your child go to a party - a party you're not even staying for - on the small off-chance that he accidentally breaks something?

You're being absolutely ridiculous. It would be really selfish of you not to let your DS go to a party just because you've got some sort of weird hang-up about nothing.

The host will keep an eye on the kids. The host knows what five-year-olds are like. If they weren't OK with having a bunch of five-year-olds getting over-excited in their house, they wouldn't have agreed to have the party in the first place. Don't be daft.

It's right-you're not saying a kid IS a puppy! But if a dog jumps on a frail person and injures them, it's exactly the same as a little kid banging into them, as in it's not the kid or dog's fault-it's the irresponsible adult, who shouldn't have kids of dogs if they're not going to keep them under control (I'm not talking about the odd mishap from a responsible person, I'm talking about the kind of parent or dog owner who doesn't think they should have to bother looking after the kid/dog and it doesn't matter if they annoy or injure people).

They’ll be in the garden.

I always have kids parties at home. Never had a breakage and i would move anything I was worried about.

As it's July, I would think the party will be mainly outdoors in the garden. So, I don't think you have much to worry about. Very different to the other party you say he attended in December.

Also, as you say many families are away, the numbers of children will probably be low and your son's presence will be appreciated. How about giving it one more go at this summer party? If it doesn't go well you can go ahead an rule out home parties, at least until he's a bit older.

Whoops, we crossed!

Then I suggest that you read the thread where the entire class was invited to a child's party and only 4 turned up. I felt sad and angry on behalf of the OP.

To hesitate because others aren't going is an extremely shitty thing to do

Just warn the host that your son gets over excited at parties.

Do the right thing.

All parties used to be in children's homes. Hiring venues is a relatively new thing.

We hired a ball pond for a party at our house once and one child was sick in it!! This involved a lot of washing of balls in the bath!

By the way, you're doing your 5-year-old son no favours by not providing the discipline that would allow him to participate in a birthday party at a friend's home.

Well yes, and we used to ride horses and wash clothes in the bath. I know I sound like I’m being facetious and I’m not, it’s just pointless answering posts about the 1990s when it’s the 2020s.

As I’ve said, I think there’s a very good chance ds will get wild and silly and things broken and or people hurt. Wanting to avoid that and therefore giving ‘home’ parties a swerve if I can’t supervise isn’t ridiculous: people may not agree but it isn’t ridiculous.

It will all be fine, let your child go to the party and enjoy themselves.