To not attend this party as it’s at the child’s home?

[hiddenforest]

Normally I love a kids party but this one is in someone’s home. When this has happened before I find it so stressful trying to make sure my children don’t accidentally break something or go somewhere they aren’t supposed to.

It isn’t this week

My suspicion is ds will be the same. He is slowly getting better. He is actually a lovely boy although I’m conscious I haven’t sold him on this thread but he will definitely join in crazy behaviour.

I also have another child who is mostly very calm, doesn’t snatch, destroy or cause or contribute to any drama. So I don’t think it’s my parenting - although who knows.

I've done a lot of home parties for my kids.....I actually prefer it to doing parties out. I remove anything that I would be sad if it got broken - its not that hard.
I'm hosting DS9 party this year at home again. 12 x 9 years olds. Parents are welcome to stay. I'll remove the irreplaceable if broken items because although they are 9....you never know what might happen when 12 9 year old boys get together.

I have fond memories of friends birthday parties when I was a kid (in the 80’s and 90’s), it was rare that a party wasn’t at someone’s house unless it was in the village hall. I do remember things getting broken, spillages and playing hide and seek in big farm houses. I am sure it’s to be expected that kids may get a bit excited and things may get broken. If it’s over the summer it’s likely to be mainly outdoors? I wouldn’t worry too much, the parents would have considered things might get a little crazy. My kids have been to a few house parties and they have all been really good…mainly BBQ and garden parties.

I love that parents are still doing house parties rather than the boring standard soft play or bouncy castle at the village hall type.

Lol your kids must have much better behaved friends than my kids.

The first drop off party we did at our house* when son 6 the little 6 year old kids WRECKED my house. It was meant to be outside, then it rained and they came in, the entertainer lost the crowd and it was mayhem. Every single drawer emptied, our clothes thrown all over the place, presents opened and broken. Food taken and rubbed into every single bed, sofa and rug. It was like a crowd of baboons.

Anyway I'm not too precious about my stuff but it took days to clear up.

*bit off more than we could chew. Thought some parents would stay back to help where actually all of them were DELIGHTED to have a few hours away from their offspring so dropped and ran

Thankfully I have a complete different experience!

Parents look after their own kids and manage toilet break and everything, and are also responsible of their safety and to ensure they don't leave the place or anything stupid.

They've never intruded with the kids activities, parents just chat with a coffee or a drink and kids get on with it. It's no-one dream way of spending a couple of hours, but kids are entertained and how do you meet people and make friends if you never have a chat with them?

Parties are not free childcare

@thisandthats at the one I went to just before Christmas the kids just rampaged around going upstairs into the child’s bedroom and downstairs into the conservatory where all the toys were, getting them all out, throwing them on the floor, they got trampled on, food got left and trodden into carpets …

it gave me second hand anxiety (that’s a joke before I am once more diagnosed with being a stressed parent.)

It's not your parenting. The fact you care about his behaviour shows you are a good mum.

As he moves through school you will see kids mature at different rates. Some walk into school already reading, others take a few years to pick it up. Some can draw a beautiful picture by age 6, others are still doing stick people. None of these things make a difference to kids' later exam results or overall life chances.

I don't understand why we don't normalize understanding that self control and socially appropriate behaviour is a learned skill just like reading and maths, and just as we understand some kids take longer than others or need a bit of extra help to learn these things, same it is for self control and behaviour management and that's totally ok and normal

If the weathers nice they may be outside most of the time, not running around inside breaking things. If the hosts are brave enough to have it at home that's really their decision, you could mention your son gets a bit over excited so they are forewarned.

So are they insisting you drop and go due to space OP? For YR and Y1 parties round our way people generally say you can choose to stay or go. I wouldn't have hosted bunch of 5 year olds in my house without at least a few of their parents staying and I wouldn't have left mine at a party at that age (though in our case there's SEN involved).

Yep sounds like the kind of kids my boys would have been friends with at that age.

They are all older now and lovely by the way.

@hiddenforest it sounds like you don't want to go because you will be anxious.
So just drop your son off and let him enjoy the party.
I doubt the hosts want you hanging about anyway!
So long as your child doesn't have any special needs or behavioural difficulties you don't need to follow him round at birthday parties.

What exactly do you mean by 'a different time regarding discipline'? Do you mean children were better behaved?

Any indication as to what sort of home party and how many kids? We had 17 kids over for a home party for my DS 5th birthday which would have been hell if they were just charging around, but we had animals come and visit so they were all sat in a circle beautifully saying hi and then I chucked them outside for half an hour while we had cake and food for the charging bit. Very much depends on numbers and the plan. I'd contact the parents and explain your concerns and just see what they say.

This. They would have tucked their valuables and delicate items out of the way presumably.

I'd ask if I can stay as you fear he will become very over-excited and naughty. If the parents won't let you stay with a five year old then on their heads be it, basically.

I expect they’ll be mainly in the garden (if it’s not too hot). However yanbu to not to take your child if you can’t trust him to behave.

Good grief! How badly behaved is your child if you’re worried about them breaking things? My daughter never broke anything at a house party, and none of her friends ever broke anything when we had parties at home. I moved really special things out of the way before the party started and it was made clear to the children that they weren’t allowed upstairs during the party.

I’ve hosted all my kids’ parties at home, from aged 3! We couldn’t afford venues.

I mean that if you behaved badly you’d probably get your bum or legs smacked really hard in front of all your friends.

@DeftGoldHedgehog problem is if I do stay I would have to take my other child with me which would be unfair on the hosts and doubly stressful for me.

@Oliwiaa - it is a drop and go.

I assume just before Christmas the party was indoors? Chances are a summer party will mainly be in the garden.

am saving up for his bail money already

jokes aside, I have another child who’s never broken anything. They are all different, aren’t they? I don’t think referencing one girl and saying she’s never broken anything means that children who have are vastly unusual. They just get stupid and egg one another on. Fine at soft play, in someone’s house not so fine.

I always had kids parties at home...no more than 6 invited. And they were friends who I knew not randoms from school...they came to play from 3 years old which meant parents didn't stay . Always behaved!!!!

Bloody hell, I never got smacked, either in front of people or otherwise! I never witnessed any friends being smacked either. This was the 80s.

I don’t think I’m in need of imminent stress intervention because I’m being cautious about things, tbh.
Being cautious about things doesn't have to mean your child misses out on perfectly normal childhood activities and memories.

Ds went through a very snatchy and hitting stage as a toddler (18 months - 2 was when it peaked) and during this time I just didn’t go to stay and play type groups with him as I would spend the entire time wrestling toys off him he’d taken from another child.
This is a prime example of a perfectly normal age appropriate developmental issue. Between 18 months and 3 is exactly when kids start the snatchy, grabby, cheeky type behaviour. It's normal. But again you decided your child wasn't allowed go to stay & play because it was too stressful for you. Yes, it's annoying to have to correct them all the time but that's how they learn.

Knowing your child’s strengths and challenges and avoiding certain activities with them because of those isn’t linked to stress, just common sense. I don’t want ds to give others the wrong impression and I don’t want anyone’s things destroyed.
What you refer to as your child's strengths and challenges is bog standard child developmental. You are more worried about giving people the wrong impression than allowing your 5 year old to have a normal childhood.

FYI, I brought up the issue of stress originally because YOU have used it multiple times in the thread about how stressful you find it.