To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake

[Dinnertext]

I’m a long time lurker but have pulled on my big girl pants for my first ever post in AIBU!

We are hosting my friend and her husband on Saturday for dinner. We’ve hosted them before and they’ve always been good company and said they’d enjoyed the food.

We were texting earlier about something unrelated - she clearly had another conversation on the go as she sent a reply which was of no relevance to our conversation.

Her message said:
I can’t do Saturday I am afraid. At (my name)’s for dinner again. That reminds me to stock up on the Pepto for the next morning 😂

Would it be wrong of me to rescind the invite? We go to a lot of effort to host them and feel this is frankly insulting.

Because once someone goes behind your back to mock you for no particular reason, there's no "air" to be cleared. It wasn't an accident - she's not @Dinnertext's friend and still won't be after any discussion. I mean, what would be the explanation that would make it ok?

Just found out by accident that my cooking upsets your delicate digestions, so it's best we forget Friday night.

“For the women to sort out” is a massive cop-out on the part of your DH (as well as coming across as incredibly sexist and patronising) but at the same time it doesn’t seem fair that his friendship with the other husband should suffer because of the friend’s behaviour. In a better world, the other DH would push for his wife to apologise because he wants to stay friends with the OP’s husband but that doesn’t seem to be happening.

OP’s husband really should go to the or a pub if he wants to watch the game with his friend and show some sensitivity towards how his wife is feeling.

It’s not the comment about your cooking, it’s more the fact she was bitching about you to another friend. Yes, meet at weekend and have takeaway but make sure she gets the message that you won’t be cooking for them again. Snotty cow!

Good for you OP

She’s been a total bitch and that she isn’t apologising makes it worse.

If you had to socialise in these circumstances you’d hate it.

you are doing the right thing

Your DH - for the women to sort it out -
is a bit of an arsehole

Exactly @EmailsaysOOO. She's bitchy and talks behind your back. Why would the OP want her as a friend?

All her talk about throwing away years of friendship...um, she's done that herself by being a nasty cow.

The air will never be cleared. She insulted OP by mocking her to her friends. That behaviour can not be talked away no matter how much you try to move on.

Exactly!

@Dinnertext you haven’t thrown anything away, it was her. She can own that all by herself.

I don't understand any of this. Unintended comment, clumsy explanation that wasn't necessary (she could just have said something like I think that cheese didn't agree with me). Oh well, so she's a bit of a princess, but you've decided to throw the whole friendship away. That's pretty pointless too, so good luck with whatever that does for you.

God this is all so AWKWARD.

I love it.

she is trying to suggest we shouldn’t fall out over it and throw many years of friendship away

its NOT her decision. If she didn't want to fall out she shouldn't have been
so nasty behind your back & then to you, she doesn't now get to decide how you feel about her horrible behaviour.

Just text back that she threw away the friendship, not you.

get DH to make it CLEAR that it's an invite to the bloke ONLY to watch the football. SHE is not invited.

She says the football and takeaway is a great idea

She hasn't been invited for football and takeaway, has she. That's a completely separate arrangement between the husbands.

It's amazing how many people lack the ability to apologise, even when they're arse up in the wrong. It's such an important skill.

Good on you for calling her out for her lack of apology, and obviously they and food at your place, whatever form it takes, is always going to be a contentious area, and she should not be expecting you to pretend it isn't, just to spare her feelings and your husbands' inconvenience.

It's not about that she had an issue with the food. It's about her mocking you behind your back to someone else. And her phrasing implies the other friend would already the context, so that's not the first time she's slagged you off behind your back.

I don't think she understands this isn't a difference in taste, this is about her behaviour.

Omg she'll of gone full on telling the friend that should have got the 'better take the pepto, we going to dinnertext for supper again' that she sent pepto message by mistake and how dinnertext is getting arsey and husbands want to go ahead,the snobby bitch will be dining out(pardon the pun!) On this story for months! Telling all who will listen.

Saying she’ll bring a take away is such an insult. The fact she can’t even apologise and is doubling down, and now bringing her own food, what a nasty woman. Your husband is a twit.

Good for you! The cheeky wagon was clearly mocking you behind your back, hasn’t apologised and thinks that you should just let it go! I’d be messaging saying that they are unwelcome at the house but feel free to meet husband elsewhere. They’d have to have the skin of a rhino to turn up after that.

Tell your DH to go round to theirs.

She really is low class.
Imagine having the neck to deliberately NOT apologise for mocking someone whom has invited you to dinner?

I cannot imagine how uncouth a person has to be, to not be mortified.

To then try and put it on you, the responsibility for NOT falling out over HER appalling rudeness.

I would definitely be passing that story on.

Whatever about her being awful, you can choose to not see her.

But your disloyal misogynistic husband?

I couldn't look at him. Total ick, and he would so know it.

No it was an intended comment.
Unintended recipient.

Then a failure to apologise and a doubling down.

Nobody should be playing dumb here.
It was a slight that could have been remedied with a swift apology.

So because you shop in different places which apparently results in her being ill, you declined her olives and crisps and instead of apologising she’ll bring a takeaway, their treat?!
How patronising…..
The reference to you shopping at what she perceives at lower quality places, the suggestion of her bringing the olives would have enough for me to ditch her, for her to say it will be fun to have a football and a takeaway at yours is totally tone deaf, I don’t believe this is the first time she’s been a total cow face.
Don’t feed into the drama, she’s probably showing the messages to other friends.
Just say that seeing that original msg where she is discussing you with another friend, the reference to your shopping habits etc has made you realise you actually have nothing in common whatsoever and that the friendship has run its course.
Explain that your DH is free to make whatever arrangements he would like to host his friend, but you won’t be there/would rather they watched the match elsewhere, then ignore.

Maybe you need to be the adult and keep the invitation open. Never to be repeated.

I can't work out why she's so insistent on coming when you've now turned them down twice and the tone of these texts and offering to bring her own food is insulting under the circumstances. How many people would do that?

Perhaps DHs' dont rate the nearest pub for the match and your DH keeps asking the other to come and watch it at your place. She's either been told to sort it out by her DH or she's enjoying the drama.

You are under a lot of pressure from three people to agree to a very awkward uncomfortable evening with someone who's been quite rude to you. I bet they wouldn't be making all this fuss if it was an ordinary Saturday and the two DH's didn't want to watch the match. Do you have a much bigger tv or something?

Actually think the bigger problem is OP's DH. The friendship is broken but he should be respectful of OP's feelings. He can go to the pub or his friend's house to watch the match. I would stand your ground on this OP.

I’d uninvite but not mention the text, she’ll know, I wouldn’t want her to come to my house, it’s a lot of time and energy to cook and prepare. See how she reacts, but I definitely wouldn’t want her in my house.