To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake

[Dinnertext]

I’m a long time lurker but have pulled on my big girl pants for my first ever post in AIBU!

We are hosting my friend and her husband on Saturday for dinner. We’ve hosted them before and they’ve always been good company and said they’d enjoyed the food.

We were texting earlier about something unrelated - she clearly had another conversation on the go as she sent a reply which was of no relevance to our conversation.

Her message said:
I can’t do Saturday I am afraid. At (my name)’s for dinner again. That reminds me to stock up on the Pepto for the next morning 😂

Would it be wrong of me to rescind the invite? We go to a lot of effort to host them and feel this is frankly insulting.

Yeah I just don’t like her tone. ‘We’ll bring a take-away (because your food is inedible), our treat!!’

She sounds like a snotty cow.

You still don’t know who she was bitching about you too. That’s the worst thing. And she has obviously told this person about the previous time which suggests it’s a running joke.

Yeah but did you snigger about it to a mutual friend?

That's the bit that I find shocking.

That would be a rather churlish and reactionary response, rather uncouth and the impression I get from OP, she’s rather dignified and logical so this reaction wouldn’t be the best course of action.

both husbands are aware of why there’s issues, no need to take it this far.

No. I'm just someone who values friendship and not frenemies. And who thinks the husbands need a kick up the backside for their appalling reaction.

Or make it onto a blancmange jelly. Or freeze in ice lolly moulds. Or heat it up and pour it over something. The possibilities are endless…

I'd find the whole thing utterly insulting. Talking about me behind my back and laughing about it. Not apologizing, but instead offering to bring "their" favourite meal over since your own meals are not good enough. I would not have been as polite as you OP to tell her where to go. Wouldn't bother with her as a friend. She obviously thinks she is better than you and is doing you a favour by coming over, albeit with her own meals.

Whist she hasn’t said anything terrible I do think it was quite bitchy & when caught out she didn’t apologise and said something that would make me personally feel a bit upset. If you do still want a friendship, I would reply and say, we need to cancel dinner at our place now, maybe we can get together another time

Good for you OP. She's not a trustworthy friend. She'll have to have the footy get together in her house.
Why is she so reluctant to host anyway?

For me, I'd always wonder if she's still talking about me behind my back with the lack of apology she gave over sending the message to the wrong person...

Yeah, she's not really your friend. I think that your DH should stand up for you, but if the men are determined not to, they can socialize together and you can keep out of it.

Can you make plans to do something else on Saturday? In your shoes, I'd go out.

It is sociopathic
Lose them, I've been there and wish I'd done it earlier. Unless, she means you cook delicious rich food that she will enjoy, then feel the side effects the next day

I wouldn’t want to see her even if she was hosting, so haven’t raised that as an option. They have hosted before without issue.

As I've previously said she's not a friend. Dh meets her husband as friends but don't host or get involved. Nasty horrible bully should have apologized for her horrible comments. She's been privately saying other things to someone else judging by her messages..

Damn right. Proud of you!

The absolute cheek of her offering to come with food so you don’t poison them.

Yes this. How could you ever trust that person ever again? Would she be criticising your home to other people, or mocking you over something you said? I couldn't be bothered being friends with someone like that. What'd be the point?

Her DH is just as bad IMO - as apparently he was ill too and said nothing. Your DH is being disloyal and the justification for it underpinned by misogyny, how they are behaving at this point would annoy me more than her text.

I wouldn't host anyone at this point - let the couple get their takeout and sit and watch the football by themselves at home.

She is now doubly cheeky.
You already made your meal plan for Saturday evening. She rejected you kind offer in a sly, disparaging and bitchy way, yet takes no accountability for that at all.
Sure you may not want to fall out about it long term, but she can’t slag off your cooking to others yet still insist on coming round with a takeaway when you already have a meal plan, and when you have already told her you don’t wish to host.
She is incredibly insensitive and hard faced OP.
You are right to stand your ground.

Group chats to shame a husband and even shame a friend for not liking your food? Not everyone is a great cook.

Why are we having these conversations on group chats anyway? Why not discuss it over the takeaway and see if the air can be cleared?

Fuck that. She’d be dead to me

And have you told someone else and laughed about it, rather than speaking to the person who cooked?

Absolutely this! Check the context ask her

Well done for standing your ground. There's nothing nice about someone who sends bitchy messages behind your back - and that was bitchy.

My concern is she screen shooting messages and feeding to the original person for the message. Someone who feeds on drama. Don't feed it please. You not hosting, if dh wants to see her dh he does it via message direct to dh. Nothing to do with you.

Good for you to have some self-respect. She's really digging in isn't she, refusing to apologise even though it's clear that she's been laughing about you to others, and now trying to dictate the new plans at your house. No, she wouldn't be welcome in my home either. I agree with a pp, send her a clear message saying that it won't be happening this weekend.

So many people saying that it's not an insult,that it's just a reference to over- indulging. Sorry,but I would take this as an insult. Plus the fact that she put she's at yours 'again',like it's a recurring chore!