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AIBU?

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To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake

1000 replies

Dinnertext · 07/07/2026 22:10

I’m a long time lurker but have pulled on my big girl pants for my first ever post in AIBU!

We are hosting my friend and her husband on Saturday for dinner. We’ve hosted them before and they’ve always been good company and said they’d enjoyed the food.

We were texting earlier about something unrelated - she clearly had another conversation on the go as she sent a reply which was of no relevance to our conversation.

Her message said:
I can’t do Saturday I am afraid. At (my name)’s for dinner again. That reminds me to stock up on the Pepto for the next morning 😂

Would it be wrong of me to rescind the invite? We go to a lot of effort to host them and feel this is frankly insulting.

OP posts:
murasaki · 08/07/2026 16:27

MargoLivebetter · 08/07/2026 16:19

@Dinnertext well he can take his supermarket beer to their house then! Why do you have to offer up your house to people who have judged you and your food and found it so not to their liking, they have declined to eat with you!!!!!!

Yes, why doesn't the DH go to his friends house. And you do something nice that evening by yourself or with other friends.

FWC2026 · 08/07/2026 16:27

Dinnertext · 08/07/2026 16:17

I’ve mentioned the pub. There is only one left in our village and in his words it is crap for sport with only one TV and they’d have had to book a good table by now so have no chance. Reality is he probably doesn’t want to pay the prices in there when he can get cheap beer in the supermarket.

Understandable.

how do you feel about just the DH coming to yours? (Later in the evening after dinner) ?

Stompythedinosaur · 08/07/2026 16:35

I'm genuinely shocked your dh wants to socialise with someone who's been so rude to you.

MoodyMargaret11 · 08/07/2026 16:35

Lol I wouldn't be "sorting" anything. Tell your DH you dont want them in the house. He is awful for not respecting you. He needs to make alternative arrangements from now on.

BeesAndCrumpets · 08/07/2026 16:36

I'm not sure this lady is your friend, OP - she certainly doesn't deserve to be called that by you.

I sincerely hope your DH backs you up if needed. Sounds a bit lads, lads, lads for my liking too. I get it, but she's massively disrespected you and he needs to show support, not a wave of the hand and "I'm off to the pub". I'm cross on your behalf, honestly!

Steeleydan · 08/07/2026 16:36

Dinnertext · 08/07/2026 16:02

Blimey I’ve only just had the chance to log in for the first time today after a very early start to travel for work and there’s so many pages, I can’t catch up on all posts now.

I have decided I don’t want to host. My issue is that my DH has decided he still wants to see her Husband and he’s had the brilliant idea that they can watch the England match. So the night will just start later than planned - they’ve said about a takeaway. He says they are both ‘staying out of any drama and it’s for the women to sort’ and it won’t impact how they get along.

I have told my friend I don’t want to host and that I won’t be checking my phone until this evening as I’ve had a long day of travel and work. She hasn’t replied, but my DH has been in contact with her H as recently as an hour ago messaging about Saturday.

Your husband is a first class twat,talk about sit on the fence,if he wants to still be mates with the husband thats fine, they can watch football somewhere else. He shouldn't expect you to have to endure the 2 faced Mrs snobby knickers wife!
And to suggest a take away is just adding insult to injury.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 08/07/2026 16:37

If be very clear to your disloyal husband that you will be having no part of the evening, I'd suggest he take his booze to their house to enjoy some Waitrose nibbles.
Personally I'd now be seeking out an alternative friend with whom I'd go out and enjoy some cocktails on Saturday night.

WonderingAndOverthinking · 08/07/2026 16:38

How is any of this OP’s fault?! It’s not “for the women to sort out”, one woman didn’t do anything other than invite a friend around for food.

I’d be telling her she’s not welcome to eat at my house again and my DH that he’s a selfish inconsiderate prick.

Firegoddess · 08/07/2026 16:38

Notonthestairs · 08/07/2026 14:59

Give over.

She has clearly complained about the OP’s hosting to someone else.

Then when she was asked about it doubled down and suggested the Op shops at the wrong supermarkets!

Unpleasant towards someone who’d welcomed them in to their home.

Very bad manners.

See, that's exactly what I mean about speculation.

She didn't say OP shops at the wrong supermarkets. OP took it to mean that. Another perfectly valid explanation is that she meant it was an ingredient different from one she would normally buy and they reacted badly to it.

@hihelenhi actually my standards are pretty high. One of my standards if that I don't act like someone in a playground, as you put it, instead I would have a civil and curious conversation with my friend about what they meant, instead of rushing to judgement and casting them out. Because you know, I am a grown up.

Apparently that makes me different from 99% of people this thread. And I'm okay with that.

aloris · 08/07/2026 16:38

Wow, this woman really mishandled the situation. (I would say "this couple" but the woman is the one gossiping about OP to third parties.) First of all, if she and her husband got food poisoning from OP's food, she should have let OP know, right away, so OP could track down the source. By doing nothing, but judging OP anyway, and by sharing that judgement with others, the woman has cast a pall over OP's social standing in their friend group - others may now be afraid to eat OP's cooking, but likely wouldn't say anything to OP so she could defend herself (or fix the cooking problem, if there is one, which I doubt). It's almost like defamation, but subtle, and low-key, and hidden where you can't see the poison.

Second of all, the whole explanation that it's because OP uses a different grocery, makes zero sense. First of all, if there is something like salmonella in chicken, that usually doesn't show up as a stomach illness for weeks. It takes months for recalls to happen as groceries track down the source of the problem. Second, as OP pointed out, everyone else who ate the same food was fine. The idea that some other ingredient (and the friend doesn't give any indication as to what that ingredient might be) is below normal standards, is highly unlikely in a wealthy and Westernized country like the UK, where there are strict oversights on food quality. In other words, the woman's claim that OP's ingredients were problematic because she shops at a different (i.e. less fancy) grocery store than the friend, simply doesn't hold water and just comes off as pure snobbery. She's basically saying, you are too low class for me to eat your low-class food.

Third, once the woman realized her rudeness had been exposed, instead of apologizing, she doubles down! Common sense and the slightest bit of etiquette should tell her that she should apologize profusely for gossiping about her friend behind her back.

The overall problem is that this woman's behavior shows a total lack of respect for OP and a total lack of interest in maintaining a friendship. She's essentially saying that the only way the friendship can continue is if OP tacitly agrees that her food is inedible - they can eat together, but only food that OP hasn't made!!! It's condescending and rude. And yet somehow the OP's husband expects OP to continue to have this boorish woman over to her house and host her again? Woooooooowwwwww!!!!

Steeleydan · 08/07/2026 16:40

borborygmus1 · 08/07/2026 16:16

I don't think this is a comment on your food at all. I think this is a comment on middle-age reflux, the sad affliction that hits most people after the age of 35 whenever they have a larger meal or wine. There's nothing negative against you or your food in that comment.

Read the thread before commenting such utter rubbish

ConverselyAttired · 08/07/2026 16:42

Firegoddess · 08/07/2026 16:38

See, that's exactly what I mean about speculation.

She didn't say OP shops at the wrong supermarkets. OP took it to mean that. Another perfectly valid explanation is that she meant it was an ingredient different from one she would normally buy and they reacted badly to it.

@hihelenhi actually my standards are pretty high. One of my standards if that I don't act like someone in a playground, as you put it, instead I would have a civil and curious conversation with my friend about what they meant, instead of rushing to judgement and casting them out. Because you know, I am a grown up.

Apparently that makes me different from 99% of people this thread. And I'm okay with that.

It's not about "what they meant", it's the joke to someone else (potentially a mutual friend as she said she was going to OP's house and named her). That's horrible. How can the friend not apologise for sending the message to the wrong person and hurting OP's feelings? That's dreadful behaviour.

Firegoddess · 08/07/2026 16:46

ConverselyAttired · 08/07/2026 16:42

It's not about "what they meant", it's the joke to someone else (potentially a mutual friend as she said she was going to OP's house and named her). That's horrible. How can the friend not apologise for sending the message to the wrong person and hurting OP's feelings? That's dreadful behaviour.

Again, here is the hyperbole. It wasn't a joke about OP at all. It was a joke about reacting badly to some food she was served. There is a significant and vital difference there.

I can't imagine casting someone out because they ate some food of mine that they reacted badly too.

Especially when they still valued my company enough to accept another dinner invite.

And especially without managing to have an actual conversation with them first.

pizzaHeart · 08/07/2026 16:48

Your DH is very wrong not to have your back on this one. It’s not staying out of drama it’s enabling rude behaviour towards you. Is he so desperate for a company to watch footie together?
She was very rude and if her DH wanted to be friends with you both or just your DH he could encouraged his wife to apologise etc etc.
No way it’s possible for your DH to have a nice equal respectful relationship with her DH.

My3dahliasarebloominlovely · 08/07/2026 16:50

Op, I would message both "friend" and her DH and suggest the men go to the pub for the match and you will be having an early night.

VickyEadie · 08/07/2026 16:50

Dinnertext · 08/07/2026 16:02

Blimey I’ve only just had the chance to log in for the first time today after a very early start to travel for work and there’s so many pages, I can’t catch up on all posts now.

I have decided I don’t want to host. My issue is that my DH has decided he still wants to see her Husband and he’s had the brilliant idea that they can watch the England match. So the night will just start later than planned - they’ve said about a takeaway. He says they are both ‘staying out of any drama and it’s for the women to sort’ and it won’t impact how they get along.

I have told my friend I don’t want to host and that I won’t be checking my phone until this evening as I’ve had a long day of travel and work. She hasn’t replied, but my DH has been in contact with her H as recently as an hour ago messaging about Saturday.

The England match? That starts at 10pm? Just how long are you supposed to be entertaining this woman who insulted you? The match won't be over until well after midnight, especially if it goes to extra time...

WHY can't your DH go to their house? Seriously?

ConverselyAttired · 08/07/2026 16:51

Firegoddess · 08/07/2026 16:46

Again, here is the hyperbole. It wasn't a joke about OP at all. It was a joke about reacting badly to some food she was served. There is a significant and vital difference there.

I can't imagine casting someone out because they ate some food of mine that they reacted badly too.

Especially when they still valued my company enough to accept another dinner invite.

And especially without managing to have an actual conversation with them first.

"Better stock up on the Pepto Bismol again" with a laughing face isn't a joke at the OP's expense suggesting she can't cook and/or their kitchen is not hygienic? Really?

I've got a bridge to sell you.

Not only should she have apologised for the message, she should have apologised for telling this other friend that OP gave her food poisoning when she has no idea if it was that.

HorrorPudding · 08/07/2026 16:55

So @Dinnertextis understandably upset by the original text that was obviously part of a derogatory exchange about OP and then understandably insulted by the follow up and now the three of them have decided it’s a trivial
matter and are pressing on with plans. I’m all for drama avoidance and not one for falling out with friends but there is a real disregard for OP’s feeling here.

Personally, if it was me I’d be saying, ‘be my guest on Saturday night. I’m off out with friends’. No need to be rude to them, no need to respond to her (let her frankly ridiculous reply hang there) no drama, no negativity, but no need to comply with their plans either.

momtoboys · 08/07/2026 16:56

Is the wife coming too? I would have a difficult being pleasant to her.

Roomforapony · 08/07/2026 16:57

ConverselyAttired · 08/07/2026 16:51

"Better stock up on the Pepto Bismol again" with a laughing face isn't a joke at the OP's expense suggesting she can't cook and/or their kitchen is not hygienic? Really?

I've got a bridge to sell you.

Not only should she have apologised for the message, she should have apologised for telling this other friend that OP gave her food poisoning when she has no idea if it was that.

Edited

I’ve got some magic beans that’ll go with your bridge😉

JoshLymanSwagger · 08/07/2026 16:57

@Dinnertext Why can't your DH go to their house?

You need to develop a diplomatic migraine at around an hour before Princess Pea arrives with her entourage and crisps, and olives... but no alcohol, hmm?

Let her feed him with the finest caviar Waitrose has to offer 😉

OR

Hide the wine/nice alcohol, then just go to your room, close (and lock) the door and read a book.

Actions speak louder than words.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 08/07/2026 16:58

momtoboys · 08/07/2026 16:56

Is the wife coming too? I would have a difficult being pleasant to her.

I read it that the two men are watching the match at OPs house, maybe I read it wrong?

Anyway OP, cook yourself something nice for Saturday evening 😁.

Emilesgran · 08/07/2026 16:59

Firegoddess · 08/07/2026 16:46

Again, here is the hyperbole. It wasn't a joke about OP at all. It was a joke about reacting badly to some food she was served. There is a significant and vital difference there.

I can't imagine casting someone out because they ate some food of mine that they reacted badly too.

Especially when they still valued my company enough to accept another dinner invite.

And especially without managing to have an actual conversation with them first.

Oh, hi there @Dinnertext's former friend!

hihelenhi · 08/07/2026 17:00

Firegoddess · 08/07/2026 16:38

See, that's exactly what I mean about speculation.

She didn't say OP shops at the wrong supermarkets. OP took it to mean that. Another perfectly valid explanation is that she meant it was an ingredient different from one she would normally buy and they reacted badly to it.

@hihelenhi actually my standards are pretty high. One of my standards if that I don't act like someone in a playground, as you put it, instead I would have a civil and curious conversation with my friend about what they meant, instead of rushing to judgement and casting them out. Because you know, I am a grown up.

Apparently that makes me different from 99% of people this thread. And I'm okay with that.

Really? Doesn't sound like it to me. Up to you if choose to set your bar low. I wouldn't put up with it myself. Because, you know, I'm a grown up and not everyone likes being treated like a doormat OR bitches about their friends behind their back as you say you do.

And no, I don't think the OP is the one who rushed to judgement. The "friend" made it perfectly clear what she meant and was happy to be judgemental about her and laugh about her to someone else. She's a rude cow. Perhaps you're similarly rude.

And yes, she absolutely did. What on earth do you think "she says she thinks some of the ingredients I used were from places they wouldn’t usually shop and so didn’t agree with her".

She's talking about the places she buys food, obviously. So, duh, most likely supermarkets or other shops. It's not "one ingredient" either, as her text makes perfectly clear.

hihelenhi · 08/07/2026 17:01

Emilesgran · 08/07/2026 16:59

Oh, hi there @Dinnertext's former friend!

Indeed. Very silly comments. Obtuse for the sake of it.

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