To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake

[Dinnertext]

I’m a long time lurker but have pulled on my big girl pants for my first ever post in AIBU!

We are hosting my friend and her husband on Saturday for dinner. We’ve hosted them before and they’ve always been good company and said they’d enjoyed the food.

We were texting earlier about something unrelated - she clearly had another conversation on the go as she sent a reply which was of no relevance to our conversation.

Her message said:
I can’t do Saturday I am afraid. At (my name)’s for dinner again. That reminds me to stock up on the Pepto for the next morning 😂

Would it be wrong of me to rescind the invite? We go to a lot of effort to host them and feel this is frankly insulting.

Just say "You clearly were not looking forward to it, and I am now feeling hesitant about cooking for you. If we are both now dreading the meal, maybe come after dinner for a coffee."

This type of person is NOT coming into my home. Do you actually like her? Or do you do this for your husband's sake? If so, meet at a pub for drinks and then you go early cos of "current company" poisoning!

No it doesn't make it a personal attack. It makes it a light hearted comment. One OP was not meant to see, to be sure because she likes OP and wanted to accept her social invitation to dinner and didn't want to cause offence.

Just like I accepted invitations to a friends' house who makes food I don't like but I force down anyway to keep the friendship going. I wouldn't tell friend I found her food unpleasant, why would I?

The absolute inventions on this thread are something to behold.

All we know is that friend said that ingredients she would not normally eat at OP gave them bad indigestion type symptons, and that she made a mild joke about getting indigestion at OPs house.

All the viciousness on this thread is based on invention and speculation. Until some massive backstory is revealed this is just not warranted.

And the pretence that people never make comments behind their friend's back! I've been alive five decades so I know full well that really good friends do sometimes make comments behind each other's back and that's fairly normal, and it doesn't in anyway effect their affection for each other. . And in this case, it wasn't even a comment about OP but about some ingredients.

This has to be one of the most unedifying threads I have read on Mumsnet.

I've been alive nearly five decades myself and I know seriously bad manners when I see them. No, it wasn't a lighthearted comment. I don't actually talk about others I'm supposed to be friends with like that - actually there are quite a lot of us who don't and who grew out of that kind of behaviour once we left the playground. Perhaps you just have low standards?

I truly wouldn't criticise a friend's cooking to another friend.

I have a couple of friends who are very nervous about different aspects of food (hygiene, upfs because of a health issue) and MIGHT warn them before visiting someone who I thought might do things that would really bother them, but I definitely wouldn't just make pepto type throwaway comments about their hospitality.That's just bitchy.

Give over.

She has clearly complained about the OP’s hosting to someone else.

Then when she was asked about it doubled down and suggested the Op shops at the wrong supermarkets!

Unpleasant towards someone who’d welcomed them in to their home.

Very bad manners.

I wouldn't even bother with that tbh. She was clearly only coming at all to get more fuel to bitch about the OP to others with ("oh my dear, it was positively ghastly..."). This sounds way too wishy-washy and again, it's a bit wheedling.

Still, at least the OP knows what she's dealing with now. Something like "Clearly not polite enough not to talk about me behind my back for fun though, or apologise for doing so when caught. No, I think it's best we cancel completely. I wouldn't want you to have to "lower your standards" by coming to my home. If DH's want to go to the pub together they can arrange that between themselves."

Nope, wouldn’t be friends with her. She sounds awful.

Maybe give her some steamed food with only salt for seasoning.

Looking forward to the OP updating this one I have to say. Really hope she tells her friend where to go

OP, I've read all of your posts. I would definitely not host this pair for anything and would tell my DH he can take the husband out for a drink if he likes but I'm having nothing to do with the rude fecker of a wife.

She could have said - when you invited them again - shall we just do drinks?

Send this, but let the husband know he is still welcome.

Gosh some folks get right into it don’t they, almost salivating at the thought of how cunty they can egg the op on to be.

You're not really friends with her, you only see her because your husbands are friends, you've been pushed together.

I'd leave the husbands to meet up on their own, or just go out with them for a meal instead. I wouldn't cook or host them again.

She's not a nice person. She's not a friend. She two faced and doesnt deserve your nice food. She hasn't even tried to spare your feelings but feels justified in telling you your food isn't good enough. A real friend would never do this. Tell hyacinth bucket you don't want her company now. If your husband wants to pursue a relationship with her husband that's up to him but not in your home. As a side point, please don't let this effect your confidence for hosting dinners. She's just a bad egg and genuine friends would love your generosity.

I've been alive over five decades, and know that sometimes you get snapped being unpleasant behind someone's back, and that you have to wear the consequences when you do! That's how and why you learn to be very careful when doing so . . .

Please can I come round ??

I eat anything and I'll even wash up !

Clearly no-one has instructed her on the art of not digging the hole even deeper.

"She says she thinks some of the ingredients I used were from places they wouldn’t usually shop and so didn’t agree with her."

What a raging snob of a woman.

Frankly, I wouldn't want her in my house at all after this. Your husband is a big boy, he can arrange to see his 'pal' without you having to suffer his wife.

I'd probably text her with 'You can let your friend know that you're now available for Saturday'. Fuck her.

PS : has she ever hosted you for dinner?

Where do you shop that she has such an upturned nosed attitude? Unless you've told her in the past you eat road kill there's no reason for where you shop upsetting her poor tummy tum ffs.

If the 2 men get on let them do the socialising and gracefully back out of their plans. She's no friend.

She said she was too polite to mention it.. but bitched about it to someone else, and then didn't apologise when called out?!! I'm so embarrassed for her!

I wouldn't want to have them over now, particularly after her response when you queried it! Respect yourself and send a breezy "might be better to cancel for now, especially as you have had another offer - will be in touch later to arrange something else" type message, then leave it alone. She can be first to get in touch again, if she feels inclined.

Dinner at your house again' ? Rude in itself.

Joking about PeptoBismol with a 3rd party? Rude.

Replying re where you shop & 'they'll bring crisps & olives'? She's not worth your company OP x

I would uninvite them. If they had any decency they'd have been in touch afterwards when they were actually unwell to check in with you and see if you had the same issue. They could have approached this in many different ways that would have been politer. Being passive aggressive and not apologising for rudeness isn't acceptable.

Blimey I’ve only just had the chance to log in for the first time today after a very early start to travel for work and there’s so many pages, I can’t catch up on all posts now.

I have decided I don’t want to host. My issue is that my DH has decided he still wants to see her Husband and he’s had the brilliant idea that they can watch the England match. So the night will just start later than planned - they’ve said about a takeaway. He says they are both ‘staying out of any drama and it’s for the women to sort’ and it won’t impact how they get along.

I have told my friend I don’t want to host and that I won’t be checking my phone until this evening as I’ve had a long day of travel and work. She hasn’t replied, but my DH has been in contact with her H as recently as an hour ago messaging about Saturday.

Your DH is a twat