To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake

[Dinnertext]

I’m a long time lurker but have pulled on my big girl pants for my first ever post in AIBU!

We are hosting my friend and her husband on Saturday for dinner. We’ve hosted them before and they’ve always been good company and said they’d enjoyed the food.

We were texting earlier about something unrelated - she clearly had another conversation on the go as she sent a reply which was of no relevance to our conversation.

Her message said:
I can’t do Saturday I am afraid. At (my name)’s for dinner again. That reminds me to stock up on the Pepto for the next morning 😂

Would it be wrong of me to rescind the invite? We go to a lot of effort to host them and feel this is frankly insulting.

That’s if you assume that the upset stomachs story is even true. Maybe she just had to make up some bullshit to shift the convo into the direction of food rather than her being an absolute bitch. Maybe they just had a little heartburn.

You do miss the opportunity to say “those are lovely crisps where did you get them, Waitrose?l

Wow, this lady is really unkind and rude in more than one way.
So she’s been making jokes about your cooking behind your back but isn’t brave enough to have a simple conversation.
Her message to you screams snobbishness what with referring to where the ingredients have been bought and making it sound like you run some zero hygiene shack. Wtaf. She doesn’t deserve your hospitality and your kindness. She has handled this very badly.

If it's really your DHs friendship with the husband I'd get him to phone or text the guy and say obviously they can't come over after the text his wife has sent but they can meet up at some point in the future.
Don't let the men turn this into 'oh the ladeez. What are they like' nonsense. You did a nice thing having them, she made a mistake and doubled down with insults. It will be interesting to see if her DH will be allowed to stay pals with yours.

Leave your husband to them say you have to go out somewhere to see a friend in distress and go to the movies. I wouldn't host the wife.

A friend who mocks you behind your back is not a friend. You have a very low bar.

@Dinnertext your dinner sounds lovely. I hope you cancel and your husband meets her husband in a pub if he really wants to.

I'd take this as she indulges in rich food etc

I never normally agree with 'uninviting' people from anything after an invite has been sent, but I think I'd have to make an exception for the rude snobby cow in this situation.

Exactly!
The need for people pleasing is real, I can’t believe some people are trying to justify this “friend’s” behaviour.

I think it would be quite pathetic and needy to still invite these people round.

I would send a text saying "we're cancelling actually, I don't appreciate the 'shop standards' comment on top of the insult behind my back "

I bet you there isn't any grovelling on their part.

You don't need 'friends' like these, and neither does your husband.

I’d overlook this

they had upset tummy’s last time / that’s unpleasant and could be simply the food is very different to what they normally eat - and they didn’t want to upset you by mentioning it. They made a lighthearted remark not a full on bitch fest to their friend.

I mean what were they meant to do ? It’s bad to never talk about bad things after all - British stiff upper lip is unhealthy - and getting severe upset stomach is horrid.

Yet they like you enough to want to risk repeating the experience?

If you didn't have upset stomachs but they did it suggested it was something they probably ate together at their own home perhaps earlier in the day . Why she assume it's was your cooking is beyond me

Some bugs take many hours before the person shows visible signs of illness.

Htf, can you sit there have drinks and been friendly toward someone who a) slags you off to others b) you cook inferior food because God forbid you go to a budget supermarket!
I'd be so uncomfortable around a bitch like that.
Let your husband go round to theirs alone

I think the where you shop comment was just as bad as the pepto one.
I don’t think I could forgive the where you shop comment at all.

Mumsnet is a very split place - lot's of black and white/all or nothing thinking here! I'd check out what she meant - just ask her and try to resolve if you value the friendship. I certainly wouldn't uninvite without checking out first.

If you want to try and maintain any friendship you could suggest meeting for drinks instead.
But I think given you now know her thoughts, and the fact she’s been bitching and gossiping behind your back, any meet up will be in the knowledge that she’s just not that pleasant

If she’s a good friend why not just tell her you’re upset she didn’t come straight to you. Then based on her answer decide what to do next, if she’s apologetic and generally a lovely friend I wouldn’t lose that over one text message.

I have some sympathy for the friend though because I’ve been in the position of a friends hygiene standards making me ill and it’s very awkward, especially when they see no problem themselves. It may not be a case of Waitrose verses Aldi either, some people do buy meat from dodgy corner shops or Facebook. Of course it could be the friend being spiteful for no reason but if she’s generally a good friend maybe you did make them ill and she didn’t know how to tell you kindly because as this thread demonstrates people get very offended?

Wow, and she didn’t even apologise. Your DH can go for drinks or something with the husband. I wouldn’t have them round if it was me - major #awkward! Cheeky cow. Sorry op, that’s a rubbish thing to find out, but in a way at least you know she’s not really a friend (friends don’t bitch behind your back, if she genuinely struggled with the food she should have said something politely at the time!)

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Send a message back...' don't think this was meant for me' and watch her squirm....

There is no way in God's green earth I would host someone after that.

Your dh can go out for a drink with the husband another time if he really wants to, but he can't possibly expect you to host a woman who's insulting you to others? He should have your back here.

If he insists on hosting, I'd go out.

How could they come around and sit in your home with drinks and nibbles and a great big (mahoosive) elephant in the room.
It would be soooo awkward.

If your wimpy H still wants them round I would agree, then 15 mins before they arrive "just popping out to get something" and hot-foot it out for the evening to the cinema.

He can host, they can still come round, and I can have a lovely evening to myself stuffing Minstrels like there's no tomorrow .

It's not necessarily a dig. Good, rich food can give people the runs if they're not used to it. I lived with my brother and his wife for three years, and when I moved back in with my parents, my stomach couldn't handle my mum's rich food for a few weeks.