To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake

[Dinnertext]

I’m a long time lurker but have pulled on my big girl pants for my first ever post in AIBU!

We are hosting my friend and her husband on Saturday for dinner. We’ve hosted them before and they’ve always been good company and said they’d enjoyed the food.

We were texting earlier about something unrelated - she clearly had another conversation on the go as she sent a reply which was of no relevance to our conversation.

Her message said:
I can’t do Saturday I am afraid. At (my name)’s for dinner again. That reminds me to stock up on the Pepto for the next morning 😂

Would it be wrong of me to rescind the invite? We go to a lot of effort to host them and feel this is frankly insulting.

Hmm…yes….these are the bits that got me too. Shame she had to joke about your cooking behind your back. I guess if you want to keep the friendship, you probably should have them round for drinks. But if it was me, I’d probably need to explore this situation with here. Otherwise it would fester in my mind. Or you’re done and you cancel!!

She says she thinks some of the ingredients I used were from places they wouldn’t usually shop and so didn’t agree with her.

What, like Aldi, or out of the back of a van?

That comment, and the fact she's told other friends about it behind your back would end that friendship for me.

Cancel who needs friends like that

OMG. That made me choke on my yoghurt. 😄

Why can't I think of things like this?!?!!! That's brilliant.

Screw that. As others said, she is rude and a queen bee. No thank you!

Do you want to maintain a friendship with this couple?
If so, maybe suggest a pub meet up. If not, cancel.

And this is a ‘friend’?

• Telling other people your cooking made her sick, even joking about it, but ‘too polite’ to tell you!

• Suggesting it’s because of where you shop 🤔. Sounds like snobbery to me.

• Then offering to still come over but with their own snacks? CFs!

Is she usually so ill-mannered?

As it’s Saturday, I’d cancel. Otherwise the atmos will be awful. Simply say it’s really shocked and upset you to know she’s been joking about your food behind your back. So, you’d rather leave it this week.

That’s the truth, isn’t it? Always say how you feel, not what you think of the other person.

Never burn your bridges. If she’s been a good friend, there’s no need to be dramatic. But she’d need to apologise for her disrespect and say she’s learned from it, at very least, for you not to keep her at arms length, i.e. only meet her out somewhere and don’t confide in her or the whole town will know.

Does she ever cook for you?

I would not be hosting a "friend" that was that rude to me and pretended that she was too polite to mention that the last time she ate at my house she was really ill - but clearly bitched about it behind my back.

I would just say:

"Given all that you have said, it doesn't sound like you will enjoy being at ours, so let's do something different another time."

Then never, ever do something different. If your DH wants to be mates with her DH, that's on him.

How dare she offer to just come over to enjoy your drinks and hospitality with her own snacks!!!!!!! The entitlement of some people beggars belief.

I mean, I would have just gone back with "oh no, was the pasta that bad 🙈" so she could apologise and say no, she just gets a sore after carbs.

You're hurt. Understandable.

Does she normally slag others off? Because you're in a catch 22 here: either she slags others off to you and you were fine with it when it wasn't about you, or she's said something a bit silly and out of character and it isnt worth losing sleep over.

Fuck her off the rude cow, ffs does she mean if you buy in lidl or aldi the ingredients are inferior?? What an utter snob and utterly rude, I'd decline her and her snobby olives and tell her to stick them where the sun don't shine.
Not much shocks me but it's the "ingredients from places we don't shop" thats got me. Talk about talk down to someone!
BTW I'd love to come and eat your food, I love food...to much!
But I wouldn't thank you for olives 🤣
Please tell me youre not having her round for drinks,it would be miles too awkward

The mental gymnastics on this thread are unreal, allergies etc, 🤣🤣 she’s basically a two faced nasty person, and needs deleting from the OPs life.

Like hell would she set foot in my house again after that!
Two-faced cow.

Do they ever host you?

If it was me, I'd definitely ask them to leave it this time, it's the fact that she has obviously told friends about it and made a joke about your hospitality but are too spineless to say anything to your face that would offend me.

She has suggested they come round but only for drinks and said they are happy to bring some crisps/olives with them.

@Dinnertext cancel.
Your DH can meet her DH at the pub and she can sit on her sofa and eat her Fortnum and Mason crisps and olives.
What she said was very rude, she hasn't even said she's sorry. She wouldn't be invited to my home again.

She didn’t say anything about OP behind her back though, did she? She didn’t criticize OP’s character or personality, or values or parenting choices or dress sense, or politics or any life choice. She made a light hearted comment about the meal OP served giving her indigestion. You can take that as a personal attack, and one worthy of ending a friendship over if you wish, but I don’t see it like that at all.

"Given all that you have said, it doesn't sound like you will enjoy being at ours, so let's do something different another time."
Then never, ever do something different

I like that.

I'm slow to take offence, but that reply (in addition to the 'behind your back' comment) would mean that I really wouldn't want to continue the friendship. It would now be way too awkward, and I wouldn't be able to forget it. I would never be relaxed and confident in her company, knowing that she might be bitching about me to her other friend

@LettingItAllHangOut yes I hadn't read the whole thread. She isn't even apologising now after OP has raised it so I agree , not really much of a friend to be worth keeping

If you and/or your husband value the friendship then i would talk to them about it. I would be pointing out if they didnt want to say anything they should have applied that across the board as it seems like they have discussed it with other people, but not you which is not what friends should do. They should have been mature enough to either say something or just decline the invite and suggest a takeaway or something instead.

The fact that she was messaging other people and laughing about it behind your back while still planning to come and enjoy your hospitality is very rude and personally I would want to be addressing that

I'm sorry OP I think she is incredibly rude. If they were both ill and you and your husband were fine, they probably had a bug. Considering she has been bitching about you behind your back and then had the absolute gall to claim they were ill because you didn't shop at Waitrose, they wouldn't be setting foot in my home again.

If your husband insists on hosting them I'd be going out.

This^^

Or if she really wanted to apologise and take the sting out, she could suggest you go out for dinner and she pays!

There has clearly been a previous discussion about the Op's food - otherwise it would be quite a random comment.

So she's has been talking behind the Op's back. Heaven only knows what else she has claimed.

She could have smoothed it out by saying they ate so much last time as it was so good. Instead she chose this route - to be incredibly rude.

I would say in that case, let's leave it. And then never invite her over again.

Your DH can see her DH separately

Don't have her round.
It will be 100% the MOST awkward evening and a waste of your energy.

Edit: just saw the update….I take it back! Very rude response.

——-

I wouldn’t have read this as insulting… could even be the opposite that as you’re a good cook she will overindulge and she is making fun of herself.

Her reply indicates otherwise.