To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake

[Dinnertext]

I’m a long time lurker but have pulled on my big girl pants for my first ever post in AIBU!

We are hosting my friend and her husband on Saturday for dinner. We’ve hosted them before and they’ve always been good company and said they’d enjoyed the food.

We were texting earlier about something unrelated - she clearly had another conversation on the go as she sent a reply which was of no relevance to our conversation.

Her message said:
I can’t do Saturday I am afraid. At (my name)’s for dinner again. That reminds me to stock up on the Pepto for the next morning 😂

Would it be wrong of me to rescind the invite? We go to a lot of effort to host them and feel this is frankly insulting.

You sound like you enjoy being the butt of your "friends'" jokes and smears.

Most people aren't like that, thankfully.

Sorry - just saw your update. Scratch that - she’s really effing rude, judgmental and that’s so bang out of order. I feel sick for you! They probably had a bug or she’s being a hypochondriac/ drama queen. I’d respond and say that you’re sorry to hear they were unwell but you feel that’s an unfair reflection given you were both fine and it was a simple pasta dish. Maybe even send her a few links to probiotics to support her gut health as they’re clearly deficient. Rude!

@Dinnertext , that sounds more to me like she expects to be eating and drinking a lot; you don’t need an antacid if you don’t enjoy the food but then I have a propensity to think the best of my friends.

She is “too polite” to mention it to you, but clearly enough to tell someone else and turn it into a joke at your expense. Incredibly two faced that.

I would cancel given she didn’t even bother to apologise.

I’ve read all AOPs posts and I think it’s full of neurotic posters too.

She's talking nonsense about the shop. It has nothing to do with where you shop. She probably usually nibbles on salads and got an upset stomach because she ate 3 courses which were richer than normal. Whatevere the reason, she has been very rude and snobby and talked behind your back so cancel of you want to. I can't see how your friendship can recover from this as you won't feel comfortable around her now.

It doesn’t read as a dig to me? Just that there is plenty of lovely food and she is prone to overindulging on it.

I think it would be best to cancel the invite. Only on the basis that she felt it was too awkward to discuss with you, but was perfectly fine casually discussing it in a mocking way with someone else… that’s not a friend.

If your friend had told you it was because she tends to eat too much of your delicious food that would be one thing. It actually happens when I go to my Mils- I love her cooking but I always overindulge. This was not it though.

She made a dig about your ingredients not being good enough and it was clear she had bitched about you to someone else. How very hurtful. And then proposes to bring some snacks as she won't even trust you to get snacks that are good enough. So rude! For me that would be the end of the friendship.

She is really rude and I wouldn’t care whether your husband likes her husband. They can meet up independently. I would send a message saying you have had time to reflect overnight and think it’s best to leave it. Don’t allow this woman to treat you like shit.

She is a ridiculous individual. How can you get ill from pasta ffs! She is very two-faced and has obviously 'joked' about your dinner parties before. And to not even apologise ....

Just tell her the invite is cancelled. No way should you put up with their company after that.

I couldn't host her and sit in her company after she said that. She isn't your friend OP, don't be a doormat.

She could have said anything to your message. "I'm so sorry, I just get indigestion after a big meal nowadays but am looking forward to Saturday" would have been far more polite than what she actually said..... which was your food makes her ill, she didn't want to tell you but bitches about it to others, she's snobby about where you shop and she doesn't want to eat your food again so she'll bring her own crisps.

Messaging other people behind your back and not having the good grace to apologise for it would be relationship ending for me. I'd have to say something to her and cancel plans to have them over.

How incredibly rude. I would just reply with in the circumstances I think we better leave it. She didn't apologise and basically doubled down. Your OH can go meet them at a bar for their bread and olives if he likes. I'd rather be socially isolated than have a mean friend who bitches behind my back

I have higher standards of friends than people who say things about me behind my back that they can’t say to my face. No loss to OP as that “friend” is just a gossip, not a friend.

I can well imagine some of my more passive friends not telling me if my food upset them, but I also know that they wouldn’t dream of mentioning it to someone else either. That’s the difference.

Despite the fact I said I’d feel put out and it’s never nice to know someone has said something behind your back?

No, instead I can apply a thinking brain to put it in context, as I outlined in some length in my post.

what you have just neatly demonstrated is that posters with your mentality are so determined to see offense that you are unable to read what is put in front of you, but instead filter it through your negativity.

I think this was the right thing to do. Give her a chance to squirm and explain what she meant. Depending on her answer, it might be right to postpone.

I would find this very hard to come back from. Mostly because of how it appears that she has been laughing/criticising your food with others.

Shes so rude and ungrateful. On all counts.

if you want to preserve the friendship maybe suggest a takeaway?

My husband and I make this exact same joke about going to our son's. The food is gorgeous but far more oil and butter than we'd use at home.

There are many ways she could have worded her response more tactfully. She chose not to and instead blamed their upset stomach on the ingredients you had used stating that she wouldn’t have bought them. She also didn’t address or apologise for the fact she’s clearly been bitching about you behind your back. She’s a horrible snobby cow and I’d never host her again.

How about: shall we come over to yours then?

Honestly I just wouldn’t bother with them. She sounds really rude and the comment about places we don’t usually shop just sounds snobby. Does she bring anything positive to your life? Don’t waste time on people who don’t value you.

She does know that sometimes reactions from eating something that disagrees with you are not always instant? Some food poisoning can take more than a few hours to show. What she may have eaten a day or two before she had your meal might be the culprit.

Nah, silly thing to say.

Maybe it's not the food that's the problem, but how you wash the dishes? Because I get sick when I eat from households where people wash dishes, pots, cutlery and glasses in either a shared soapy bowl where nothing gets rinsed off in clean water, or in dishwashers that never get cleaned.

Why would you “want to keep the friendship going” with someone who slags you off behind your back? And then gets caught and doesn’t even apologise? You seem to think most people do that. I don’t think they do and I wouldn’t entertain her either.
In fact, we were once out with “friends” and listened to them laugh at and mock another friend whose house they had been to for dinner. Her husband had left her, she had very little money and they were so snobby and rude about what she’d served…. “only Pinot Grigio”. We didn’t bother with them again.

Honestly I’d say something along the lines of “ so you think it’s polite to not tell us about your upset stomachs but ok to bitch about it to others behind our backs?” Polite…?!