To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake

[Dinnertext]

I’m a long time lurker but have pulled on my big girl pants for my first ever post in AIBU!

We are hosting my friend and her husband on Saturday for dinner. We’ve hosted them before and they’ve always been good company and said they’d enjoyed the food.

We were texting earlier about something unrelated - she clearly had another conversation on the go as she sent a reply which was of no relevance to our conversation.

Her message said:
I can’t do Saturday I am afraid. At (my name)’s for dinner again. That reminds me to stock up on the Pepto for the next morning 😂

Would it be wrong of me to rescind the invite? We go to a lot of effort to host them and feel this is frankly insulting.

I read it exactly like this.

I wonder if the original message wasn’t “intended for somebody else” and a mistake
but was actually deliberate in order to provoke that conversation and enable them to get out of eating with you?

It’s a horrible thing to have happened no matter what and yes I would put the invite on hold (at least) because there’ll just be a weird atmosphere.

After the update I have to say I would be sending a message along the lines of “allow me to decline for you then, you’re no longer invited”.

Rude as fuck. She very easily could have got out of that by saying sorry, I get heartburn nowadays and struggle with big meals that’s all. Instead she ripped your ingredients choices apart and went further by saying she wanted to decline but felt too bad. What a rude twat.

I don’t think you’d be unreasonable to cancel. Personally, I couldn’t sit comfortably in her company after an interaction like that. She hadn’t even tried to see it from your perspective or soften any potential embarrassment/hurt feelings. At least she has offers of other plans by the sound of her text. Then you and your DH can enjoy your original dinner plans, minus pepto dismal.

Definitely agree with this. I couldn’t have these people over again and wouldn’t want to spend any time at all with the wife. Her response to you is more insulting than the original mis-sent text.
Hubbies can socialise without you would be my choice.

The "friend" was rude and didn't apologize.
What was made, specifically @Dinnertext ?
I wonder if they eat quite healthy, light, and you served pasta with alfredo sauce, for example.
That aside, to discuss it in a disparaging way makes me wonder why on earth she accepted another meal invitation when it's to her obvious peril. What kind of friend is she to you that she felt she couldn't turn down a dinner invite to yours, couldn't tell you she had been ill after eating at your place last time or suggest you go to hers instead for dinner? Why couldn't she suggest an alternative rather than accept, bitch and joke about it?

I'd either press for answers or cancel and drop her.

God, no. She's taken the piss out of you to another friend. Don't be a doormat just say on second thoughts we'll leave it. Or meet in a pub.

Read your update. If you like these people I would get past this. It’s not that bad. If you were not that keen in the first place, use it as an excuse to cut them loose. But presumably you like them if you have them to dinner.

I had a friend who used to love having people over for food. But she had a very particular style of cooking and her food was frankly awful. I always noticed that other people ate very little too. I never said anything, it would only have hurt her feelings but my feelings on her food in no way reflected my feelings about her as a person.

I went to a friends house for snacks/tea, very casual and she brought out M&S sourdough pizza - it was delicious but kept me up all night with terrible indigestion. There is another pizza place local I can't eat without getting the same - all other pizza is fine. I now make sure I have pepto in as I've started having it with Indian food :( from totally vegan restaurants to meat eating places.

Its not the quality of the food but some of the ingredients just trigger me.

Possibly the pasta ingredients affect this couple? who knows something in the flour etc

They wouldn't be welcome after this and your DH is being very weak. No way would someone who looks down their nose at me and bitches about me to others be coming to dinner, drinks or anything else in my home.

Tell them you have decided to cancel. Your DH can see her husband himself if he wants.

If I really liked the friend, I would keep the friendship but on different terms.

New Terms: no cooking for this friend.

So it is pizza, bung in the oven meals etc from now on

Serve up a bottle of Pepto instead of dessert……..’Pink does more than you think’ 😂

This must be really disappointing. What shops does she mean? Maybe you buy in markets.
Such a horrible and unfortunate incident. In a way it’s a pity she didn’t make up an excuse however I guess it’s a credit to your friendship that she told the truth. It seems to be a friendship changing mistake now.

Rude cow. She can fuck off to Waitrose and spend her evening there. That’s a hard no from me - honestly, she’s shown you exactly who she is and what she thinks of your kind offer. And certainly for me, that would be friendship over. No-one gets to mock you like that, bitch about your effort and kindness to a mutual friend and then expect the door to still be open. Nah - she’s no quality in her

If you have a sensitive digestive system maybe best to eat at home and ensure you only have ingredients you can tolerate? Just stick to drinks out when socialising maybe.

What a horrible person she sounds. There’s no way I could host her after that, I’d be really hurt

Snobby, self important, 2 faced and think they have better standards than everyone else but don't. She is accepting your invitations, but making snide remarks behind your back.

Someone has just insulted you, is bitching about you and your DH behind your back, and you are going back for a second round?

With friends like this, who needs enemies.

She needs putting in her place. I think you need to respond "Gosh, this is embarrassing. I'm sorry you think we have such low standards. Perhaps we need to keep our drinks etc. to venues of your approval. Don't worry about Sat night, I'm sure we can catch up some other time. Take care".

Thank God for this sensible reply among the neurotic ones.

I think you’re reading into this when it need not be a dig. I’d say something like that because I’m over indulging and can’t control myself because it’s so delicious - ask for clarification. If she doesn’t respond to the ? follow up and ask saying you felt hurt x

So you're yet another one who hasn't actually read the thread.

I see OP is inundated with replies along the lines of ‘Bitch! Drop her!’ OP, this explains why so many people on MN are quite socially isolated. Also, AIBU readers live for the pile on. There are lots of unhappy people on here.

Take a breath and step back. No one likes hearing someone has said something about them behind their back. But most people do say something behind someone’s back. So keep it in context.

And what has she said? She did not say she did not like the taste of your food. She did not criticize the cooking or your skill as a chef or host. She said some of the ingredients were new to her and they did not agree with her. She has avoided criticising you.

Crucially, she is wanting to keep the friendship going and to still see you.

I would feel a bit put out too, but there’s enough here to encourage me to engage my rational brain over my emotional brain, and keep the friendship going.

So many people on MN love a drama and will encourage you to bin her off as the most dramatic response giving a neat narrative arc, but I doubt that is in your own best interests. You will be the one who has lost a friend and will have to live with the pain of that and of freezing the hurt forever more in this moment. Whereas if you can push past the initial discomfort you get to normalize things and keep a friend.

Oh wow, she sent thr first message on purpose. I don’t think she wants to come, she’s also coming due to her husband wishing to visit.

id say let the men socialise, the fact she even wants to bring her own snacks says she’s also worried about hygiene, I’m not sure this is shop snobbery.

overall this woman is onky coming out of duress.

Read the effing thread. She has responded and clarified what she meant, and it's very offensive.

She’s just rude.

Waitrose is so ridiculously overhyped. On the rare occasions I’ve been to our local I just want to get out of there, it’s Asda vibes with more wordy packaging.

Save your hosting for friends who appreciate you.

Yeah I agree. We don’t have one near us so I’ve probably been in one twice in my life when in London, just because it was the closest store. It isn’t great, I didn’t really get why people wanted to pay premium for the same shit sold in cheaper supermarkets other than to keep up with the Joneses.