Is this racism?

[cooooola]

Basically I was at the pub in the pub and nobody was behind the bar.

I was first in line.

An elderly couple come and and then another man who slams his glass down.

When the bar lady asks "who is first"? I replied me.

The elderly couple say "we have been waiting ages".

And the man next says "I didn't see her".

I felt this was due to me being mixed race.
I felt quite intimidated.

I only popped in for a drink whilst OH has the kids.

I feel any shaken up as the only ethnic person in the place.
AIBU

A woman alone is often overlooked, for some reason they expect the drink buyers to be men. I have had to be very insistent to get noticed that it's my turn. You also have to be looking an the bar person if you are not paying attention, look away at the vital moment they go to whoever engages.

Where was the racism?

I wouldn't say so. I would say it's everyone wanting to be first and all being disgruntled that there was nobody to serve them.

Is this the first time you’ve ever been to any sort of bar?

All pubs and bars - from country Inns to awful dives to clubs to theatre bars and everything in between - when even slightly busy are like this. There is no queue system at a bar, you just have to hope that that staff are clocking who arrived at the bar first, and are able to manage it, and usually you need to speak up. Sadly, often the loudest voice wins. It’s how it works, there is rarely any malice behind it, rarely sexist or racist. Selfish, absolutely. Difficult, yup. Do the locals and the loud inconsiderate ones often win through? Sadly. But nothing more. It’s just how it goes.

Quite why trying to order a drink with two others also trying to has left you shaken up seems odd. Try buying a drink at a busy bar or club or gig or something. That takes forever!

I guess you are trying to be sarcastic/funny, but you know that Wetherspoons (other pubs are available) sell soft drinks/tea/coffee etc. How do you know what OP was going to order?

Oh this is perfect. 👌

I would have been annoyed not intimidated, what order did you get served in? You also want to be front and centre not at one end of the bar looking inconspicuous. It shouldn't be but often it's the most forceful person who gets served first, although I've also seen the ridiculous after you, no after you, no I insist.

I was once at a very posh do with a free bar and was practically trampled over by one very elegant old lady fighting her way to the front of the queue.

Why did you feel intimidated? Annoyed or furious I can understand, but what did you think an elderly couple was going to do to you in a pub in front of the bartender? It sounds like the man eventually backed down, admitting that he had failed to notice someone else in the queue in front of him.

Also, please consider boycotting Wetherspoons. The damage intentionally and carelessly inflicted by Tim Martin in the run-up to the Brexit vote is still doing significant damage ten years later.

I’m white and it happens to me all the time. I honestly don’t think it’s anything to do with your race

Me too. Being a woman and quite short, bar staff often don't notice me next to the pushy customers.

Drink addiction?

Was a Pepsi lol I don't even drink.

I was intimidated by the man next to me who had slammed his glass down next to me and butted in.

The place was awful and hardly any staff.

Elderly is a wrong word, they were more early 60s.

The man was swearing before hand to me about the lack of staff and could see I was first.

Oh for christ sake OP, are you constantly looking for ways in which people are being racist? Im so sick of this victim fetish, so many people (of all races) embrace at the moment.

I believe you. I am often out in mixed groups, and have seen this happen a lot. Eyes glaze or slide over the person of colour or just don't register them as Equally Present Human.

It doesn't need a word to be said or an angry gesture made. There is a kind of invisbilizing force when their eyes pass.

No. It’s not.

Actually I am being unfairly flippant. The real idea is I have no idea. There isn’t much to go on here.

No I don’t think it was racist, sounds like the bar stuff took the piss, they were irritated and just wanted to be served.

Usually polite to let elderly people go first anyway, but early 60s is not elderly 🤣

This was my first reaction too.

If this is the first time this has happened to you, you must have excellent bar presence. Or its your first time in a bar. Or even a queue.

I have had people accuse me of barging in front of them and I have accused others or barging in front of me, in bars, cafes, bus queues. If people are waiting for a service, this sort of thing happened. I am white and those people have been white. I once had a female bartender very deliberately and obviously refuse to make eye contact to serve me but repeatedly served the people who came in to the left and right of me. No idea why she hated me. But I am white and so was she so it wasn't race.

In the good old days, you could wave a fiver about to get noticed

and prop your boobs on to the bar...

It must’ve been a micro agression, mustn’t it? Everything is.
Or…
the bar staff don’t feel comfy looking at your face, that must be it. You have resting bitch face and the bar staff are intimidated by you. You’ve triggered their anxiety.
or..
the older people at the bar were so intimidated by you that they dissociated, as it’s not in their culture to deal with socially stressful situations. They literally had to blank you out, due to their fear of ageism.

My Mum thinks she is ignored because of her age.
My sister complains it is because she has a quiet voice.
I think I am ignored because I haven't got big boobs.

Weatherspoons "says it all" ?

In the UK there's a lot of classism going on and there was no need for this.
Very childish and unnecessary.

Not every dick is racist. Some are simply just dicks

It's difficult to say tbh. I've felt I've been ignored in a bar queue and sometimes put it down to sexism. When I was the only woman. And other slightly off vibes.

So it figures you might take it that way if you're the only person of non white race. But in my area I don't think it would be racism. I'd hope not anyway.

But if I was in a right wing/reform area I'd say it would be more likely.

Either way pub queue management should be dealt with strictly on a first come first served basis and when it doesn't you can easily feel discriminated against. Even simply for not being 'local/regular' enough.

Seriously? I don’t think so. Bars are what they are. 🙄

The man was swearing before hand to me about the lack of staff and could see I was first

Did he try to get served before you once he knew you were there?