I genuinely need to know I've got this wrong or I'm looking at this from an unfair perspective....
Bedtimes - how many of your partners/husbands/significant others take part in bedtime or do bedtimes?
Husband works, some days he has long days some days he works from home doing paperwork self employed/own business. We've got 4 kids including 6yo twins who are getting challenging at bed time. I was working but due to one of the other children struggling at school I found it difficult to keep working, I'd be late from sitting in reception whilst my son cried not wanting to go in, calls from school, he absconded twice and ran home so I had to leave work (this is another situation but this has improved now.) It was getting too much. We decided I should take a break. I'm happy doing all the domestic jobs as I am home. My husband likes cooking and will cook perhaps once or twice a week and I sort everything else.
However, on occasion putting 4 kids to bed can be challenging and stressful, my husband will lay in bed clearly hearing me becoming overwhelmed. I did every single night feed, every bath, every bedtime.. for all the kids including the twins. It was hard. AIBU for wanting a little support?
I suggested 1 or 2 nights a week if he's been at home that day, can we take 2 kids each (twins room share and the other 2 room share), this resulted in a huge argument about me taking the mick and how I 'can't cope' with my own kids.
Honestly I'm exhausted and insulted. I said I'd like us to rework our bedtime routine for the children as my daughters are up mucking about for hours, hyping eachother up, in and out of their room etc. He has zero interest in supporting me here.
I have tried every strategy going but I just need some back up and emotional support.
My OH believes that my role is everything to do with the kids and home and his is to go to work.......yes, I know....
My elder 2 love a bedtime story and I really enjoy reading their chapter books with them, it is extremely hard to do that when the twins are laughing in bed, coming into their room to ask me things and disrupt it. This leads to my husband shutting everything down, shouting from bed and telling me its my own fault I should just put all 4 to bed and close their doors. (For context he never had a loving bedtime routine as a child, I'm not going over the top but like most families helping young children to transition to bed is important and it can be a lovely period for a thoughtful question, a cuddle and short story) The twins go to bed at a reasonable time for their age, they have blackout blinds, small low night light and a simple predictable routine.
The older two are usually fine at bedtime and they shouldn't have to miss their story because the younger 2 are on a mission.
I have tried a multitude of strategies, audio books, sticker charts, taking back to bed with a firm 'bed' and no eye contact, meeting all their needs before bed such as having milk, warm bath, toilet etc so there is little left to ask for, they either spend ages settling, chucking toys, screaming, laughing, in and out of bed, asking for all sorts, or they argue.
I am just burnt out from bedtimes alone. Just him doing bedtime for 2 of them, once a week would be such a big help, but he said I've created the situation and its my own fault!
We have dinner, he leaves and goes to lay down and watch TV, he'll clear his own plate but leave the kids ones and all the mess for me, then lay in bed while I wrestle 4 kids down every single night. Then he'll pop at me if I complain or try to express my distress and tell me I'm in a mood and need to sort myself out. He says he'd 'give anything' to be at home and I shouldn't complain about anything as I've got it made!
I'm not settling my own body until very late, I'm too tired to last through a 30 minute programme or have any evening myself or with him - my husband could not care less and as far as he is concerned its my doing because a pander about 'reading stories.'
I just need some other opinions I feel like I'm going insane.
😔