To think DH shouldn't be napping in the daytime?

[Waheymum]

My DH doesn't have work today. I appreciate that we are both tired with a baby and a toddler, but today we got back from toddler group with the toddler asleep. He went for a nap, I tried to join him but the baby was wide awake, did a poo, had to be changed, wanted more milk. DH is overweight but currently on a 'lifestyle change' meaning he's cutting most sugar out of his diet and does exercises in the evening (during ad breaks). Because I'm awake anyway, I've looked up whether daytime naps hinder weight loss and lo and behold, they do.

AIBU to think DH should stay awake from when he gets up until bedtime?

Does he have sleep apnea? That can make you tired in the day.
It all depends though. I assume he normally works so doesn't nap in the day and this is a one off? If so it's not going to affect his weight loss and when you are tired the body craves sugar so getting enough sleep is a good thing.
If you think naps are so awful, why were you trying to take one? That makes no sense. If he's awake now then tell him it's your turn to have a bit of me time.

@Waheymum Lack of sleep hinders weight loss because it makes you crave sugar and fat. It's way better to have a nap than eating sugar because you're tired. I nap every day because my sleep is lousy. It helps me reset my system. I'm not overweight btw.

Seeing as you tried to join him it appears that you don’t have an objection to napping. Only if your DH does it.

If he needs to sleep, let him sleep (unless he's not looking after his own baby and expecting you to do it all).

No one likes the nap police.
Make sure he’s doing more in the evening to make up for it.

Just admit you're jealous

Yes, and Margaret Thatcher famously napped. Not that I think I'd have liked her politics, but she seemed slim and very busy!
If I was tired, had started a new diet and had a day off work, I would not be impressed with my husband complaining to strangers about me napping (and I'd return the favour).

I get your resentment, he got to nap and you didn't. But it's his day off. As long as he carries the weight when you need a day off, or a few hours to sleep too, shouldn't be a problem.

There are a lot of issues wrapped up in one post

Both tired due to having children
He's on a diet and changing the way he eats
You'd like to have a nap too but weren't able to
He did nap
You grudge him having a nap when you couldn't, but can't apparently tell him this so you look up some 'scientific evidence' to prove that he shouldn't be napping (rather than just talking to him and working out how you get a nap too)? Is that how it is?

Why would a nap hinder weight loss?

I bloody love a snooze and have one most days. I am admittedly thin, but I can’t see what difference it would make.

One nap is t going to damage a consistent plan to control his weight! Daily and for long periods it’s a problem, as a one off not an issue. Lack of sleep can also be an issue because your body wants sugar to boost energy.

Traditionally in the U.K., sleeping in the afternoon was seen by many as a lazy foreign habit, so upright Brits should never give in to the temptation.

Personally I really enjoy a lovely feet-up, zizz in the afternoon. Usually on the sofa, just occasionally on the bed. I do set a timer, though, for no more than about 30-45 minutes, or it’s too easy to fall into a deep sleep and wake feeling really groggy.

DH and I were both shattered with a baby and a toddler. OP tbh you mostly sound jealous that he got some sleep and you didn't.

Oh, I love this thread. Drives home to me the utter bliss of being divorced. No one to tell me what to do or watch what I'm doing and having an opinion on it.

OP, if your husband is overweight then he may have sleep apnoea, which will make him tired in the day.

@Waheymum i had a very Quick Look at research studies and I was very surprised to see a link between weight loss and having a nap.

HOWEVER, the link is mainly between people who take a nap because they do NOT sleep ENOUGH at night rather than just naps in themselves.
If we are pedantic, it’s also the morning naps that are particularly bad rather than the afternoon one.

Please don’t have a go at your dh for having a nap.

What will make a bigger difference is him having enough sleep at night (hard with babies…) and avoiding exercise in the evening (in big part because it negatively influences sleep)

I think you're focusing on the wrong thing, OP.

Napping isn't a problem. There are plenty of health benefits to it.

The question is why are you the default person looking after the baby whilst he can go for a nap?

Was there no discussion about whether he might be the one to change the baby?

I’m firmly of the belief, even more so as I’ve got older, that if your body is telling you to sleep, it’s wise to do so. Easy for me to say at nearly 60, but it could be that your husband’s body is just taking a while to adjust to his lifestyle changes.

Omg. I absolutely love a daytime nap it makes me feel loads better!

Oh yes, totally true.

Sleep apnea (and snoring) are linked to being overweight.
People end up more tired
But it also affects weight (due to bad sleep)

What’s the harm if it’s an occasional thing? You said you wanted to join him but the baby was needing attention, why would it have been okay for you to do but not him?

Naps are top notch. We are healthy people and totally love a nap on a day off.
He should take a baby when he wakes and then you go have a nap. Or don't. I can't figure out if you think they are good or bad

Because I'm awake anyway, I've looked up whether daytime naps hinder weight loss and lo and behold, they do.

They really don't. Certainly not in any meaningful way.

You know what actually does hinder weight loss? Not getting enough sleep. So there you go.

You sound really uptight and controlling. He's already working to try to lose some weight, and you want to snipe at him for getting a brief rest during the day? Just because you can't nap that doesn't mean he shouldn't.

YABU because you also tried to have a nap. You are only aggrieved because he did not get up and deal with the baby. If the baby slept you would have slept, so the issue is not the nap.

Me too - I love a power nap! 🙌

There is an abundance of research into the health and wellbeing benefits of napping for adults.

There is some data showing a link between regular too-long naps and weight gain, because of potential disruption to night sleep and a lower level of daytime activity. This is from a consistent pattern of behaviour over time, though. Not occasionally as a one off.

It sounds overall like your husband made a healthy choice as part of adapting to a change of diet and subsequent reduced energy levels (a nap is much better solution here than eating).

If you want a nap as well, then you both get a turn and balance child responsibilities as a parenting team.

One source as an example: "Optimizing cognitive health and emotional wellbeing through daytime napping: current insights and future directions", Shabad et al., 2005.