To be annoyed at disruption in a theatre show?

[shouldwejust]

I appreciate that this is a nuanced topic, and that there possibly isn’t a right answer.

Recently I went to watch a show in the theatre that I had been looking forward to for months. The tickets were my birthday present and something I can’t usually afford, so definitely a one off treat.

Throughout the whole show, a man who had severe disabilities was shouting out and yelling. He didn’t stop at all and continuously made very loud and disruptive noises.

It completely took me out of the show, meant I struggled to concentrate and was just annoyed!

I fully appreciate that everyone in society has a right to enjoy things, and perhaps this man was looking forward to the show just as much as me! But, I don’t think that it’s fair that he disrupted the show for the entire rest of the audience who had also paid a lot to be there.

I don’t know what the solution is to be perfectly honest. That his carer removed him when he was being disruptive? That he attended one of the “autism friendly” screenings that are expected to have more disruption?

When I said this to my partner he was shocked and said that basically we should just accept that our show was ruined for his enjoyment, as that is being inclusive. I don’t feel that inclusivity should come at the cost of everyone else?

I appreciate that I may be told I am being unreasonable here but I’d like to hear other people’s opinions here

YANBU, I’m all for accessibility but people who cannot control their movements or voice shouldn’t be allowed in spaces which rely on the guests being quiet. His carers/family are to blame for this not him of course.

edited to say I would be seeking to speak to the theatre management and demanding a refund. I don’t go to the theatre to listen to someone shout.

FWIW we have a family friend who is severely disabled and we wouldn’t take them to an event where they would disrupt everyone else, or we would make provisions to leave if it became too much etc

100% not on him, he obviously can’t control how he is acting, but I do feel that his family/carers should know it isn’t a suitable place for him to be or should make allowances for “if this happens then we’ll have to leave” etc

Absolutely, I feel the same way when people bring babies/young children to these places and don’t leave when they start acting up. Not everywhere needs to be for everyone.

Lol at the "autism friendly" showings being the ones suitable for more disruption.

Which theatre was this BTW? Im amazed anyone put up with it, starting with the performers.

YANBU. I do know of a situation where someone experienced this, complained and got free tickets to go again another day.

I'm all for inclusiveness but, if someone can't handle the expected behaviour, they should go to one of the special showings. Everyone else is just as important.

Your partner seems to care more for strangers than he does for you. What a horrible evening for you. I would have been gutted.

Our theatre has relaxed performances where you can expect and not be embarrassed by some disruption. His right to be there doesn't trump other people's right to enjoy the show.

I appreciate that I’m not best placed to comment on whether they are or aren’t, which is why I phrased it as a question. My point was that if the showing is for people more likely to be unable to control making noise, it’s more reasonable for it to be noisy etc. But I appreciate that I may have misunderstood those showings, as obviously I don’t go to them!

This sounds like perhaps what I was meaning when I said “autism friendly” performance, I thought there was something where disruption was more expected!

In fairness he was also gutted for me, as it has been my favourite show I’ve been wanting to see for years!! But I think he’s a lot more “well what can you do” than I am, so in his view it’s just the world and we can’t do much about it

We had to travel for the show so this wasn’t an option, otherwise I would’ve asked if there was an option to attend again on a different day. I’m so gutted, I’ve wanted to see the live show for years and now I feel like it wasn’t at all what I expected as I struggled to hear at points and when I could hear I was just disrupted!

They weren't unreasonable to stay and enjoy the show.

You aren't unreasonable to be annoyed.

It's part of living in a society which is, thankfully, inclusive (or getting there anyway).

Complain to the theatre and get a refund on your ticket.

I agree with you, it’s not the place to take someone who can’t control shouting and being disruptive. There are lots of places that are more suitable, and also louder screening of things. Personally, I wouldn’t have been able to tolerate that whilst watching (I have ADHD and ASD), and I would have left when it started and asked for a refund.

OP shouldn’t have to put up with that or even have it be a possibility though. Inclusivity doesn’t mean that people can be disruptive and unsociable in a place where guests need to be quiet. Theatre trips are a luxury and not cheap, it’s awful to accept that our lives can be disrupted in this way.

I don’t think inclusivity is one person benefitting to the detriment of the other 100s there though? It was disruptive enough to be heard very loudly by me and I was quite far away, so it was definitely heard in a large radius. Why should all those people be unable to hear etc for the benefit of that one person

Well, yes, it does actually, unless you're advocating for segregating disabled people of course.

Because the alternative is to exclude people in the basis of disability.

I don’t think it is though, it’s to say that you should leave if the situation isn’t suitable. If someone had a baby who screamed the whole show, would you also find this okay? The baby can’t control their crying but it is up to the parent to remove them from the situation, this is the same scenario. Of course the person is welcome to attend the show, but when they were disrupting everyone else, they should have been taken out of the situation

We need to accept that not everywhere needs to be accessible to everyone. I also don’t believe that babies and small children should be in theatres either unless it is a show which is child friendly. There are shows put on specifically for those with additional needs.
The wants of one do not outweigh the needs of many.

Yanbu. This is what relaxed performances are for imo.

A baby doesn't gain anything from being at the show, wouldn't want to see it, and the baby could be looked after elsewhere. If a person with disabilities wants to see the show they can't just wait a while until they are old enough, or leave their disabilities at the door.

You comparing a disabled person to a baby really says it all.

Oh right. Accessibility is fine as long as people who aren't disabled don't get annoyed by it.

Strange stance but you do you I guess.

If that is how you wish to interpret my view then sure. It is clear that my view and the view of the OP is the overwhelmingly opinion of the majority here. My opinion won’t change. If I was OP I would ask staff to remove that person and if they refused, I would be demanding a refund.

Well at least you're honest about saying you would kick off and demand disabled folk are removed if they bother you I suppose.

I hope your health and the health of those you love is always kind to you.