Trans widow and feel so much pain for her

[Hotandbithered]

I know this is not actually my grief but DH has a good friend who we have known throughout our marriage, let’s call him Steve.

Steve was married to Jess and had two children.

We spent a lot of time with them over the years. Camping trips, dinners, bbqs, birthdays. Steve was your classic sort of male really. He was quite attractive, funny, polite, well educated and both he and Jess very successful, had a beautiful home.

Anyway getting to the point. Almost out of the blue (to us at least), a few years ago Steve began transitioning. He is not short of money and has had facial surgery multiple times, paid for himself. He is extremely supportive of the trans community and recognises he is lucky he can access this sort of treatment.

Jess stayed with him through this, went to the appointments, talked to their kids about what this meant (primary age) and tried to stick in the marriage. It’s now broken down and they are doing their best to be great co parents to their children.

Jess’ grief is immeasurable. This couple always seemed so in love, so respectful of one another. She says she feels like her husband has died yet she has to experience this new person in his place, like he’s been stolen from her. I too have felt this obviously to a much lesser degree, but its truly life changing to even be affected by it even a little bit.

I should add that I have no strong views on what or who people choose to be but I suppose I am shocked that a person can live a lie for so long and especially put their children through it? DH has tried to be supportive but I think struggles more with Steve’s new interests more than anything, as in they don’t have much to talk about anymore as Steve is consumed by this (I suppose understandably) and his focus on what makes him a woman rather than anything else.

I don’t know what I am asking really. Just feel grief for Jess and for DH and wonder if others have been through similar how they navigated it.

There is nothing sexist about that image. I was as free to collect and play with Lego in the 70s and 80s as my male relatives. Nobody batted an eyelid. You're massively reaching. There are billions of examples of regressive stereotyping, in toys and in life, but this is not one of them and even now, Lego is not massively guilty of it, compared to other brands.

The Kardashians and their ilk and social media making out that women only care about their looks and the size of their arse is what has perpetuated it and made the situation worse after that brief lull when kids could play with whatever toys they wanted. That's why we've now got deluded men thinking being a woman is about skirts and heels and makeup and and ridiculous looking 5ft women pretending to be men who think being a man is about tattoos and vest tops and going to the gym. All valid identities and pursuits, for anybody, but why has it got so narrow and restrictive ?

Google 'sissy porn' if you dare. Some men get off on humiliation and they see being a woman as the most humiliating thing they can be.

I have replied to other questions, however most of my replies have been removed (not by me, via a moderator just like many other replies from other people on this thread)

I did state in one that got removed that it was my last reply, but here I am responding once more.

You claim I have derailed this thread (me, singular) people have gone on and on in this thread about her ex, and have made it about a "fetish" in which I hoped people would see that being trans isn't a fetish. But I'm not going to carry on with this train of thought right now.

Yes, this woman is mourning the loss of her husband yes her friend should be supportive of her, I completely agree. But non of us know the full story, we haven't even heard from the wife's side. Which makes this all feel lump sided.

I agree that the wife should find a safe spce to talk this over so she can hopefully move on in life with a better understanding and outlook, however I don't have the resources for this, I do recommend her going to therapy even family therapy especially for the children involved.

But that doesn't exclude the tyrant of hate towards a community of people.

And as I type this, please know there is a difference between a trans person and someone who has a kink, they can have both. The majority of people have a kink of sorts some more mundane than others, and some that I honestly cannot get behind or support.

I am not going to comment further on this, as I feel everything I say is getting misconstrued or I am not articulate enough to word my opinions to the point of transparency.

I hope all parties in this matter find a common ground and move on, however that maybe.

I am talking about the 50s.

If you can't see the gendering in that advert you haven't studied enough subliminal advertising.

Like you I am baffled how we came so far from them until this century and how disastrously backward we've gone since then.

I disagree, sorry. Plenty of gendered subliminal messaging and overt gender discrimination came after, and before I'm sure, but I dont see it in that packaging. Certainly not compared to the Lego Friends misstep, which came much later in the 2010s and where all the minifigs were girls and what happened in the late 90s, early 2000s when toys started to come in blue or pink variants and packaging and 'boys toys' didnt have a single girl on them.