Dh has announced his retirement date and I feel irritated by it

[PerfectTiming1]

DH has been talking about retiring for a few years. He has just told me when he would like to finish work and it coincides with our youngest starting secondary.
I feel a bit irritated by this timing. I was a sahm to our DC until youngest started school. I got a job that allowed flexibility and I did all school admin. Concerts. Assemblies. Sports Days etc.
It just feels a bit… convenient. Like he has waited until the DC need (significantly) less support to then be available. AIBU?

To be fair it doesn’t sound like he has actually said he is or isn’t doing X, Y or Z.

’Default parent’ isn’t really an accurate description in secondary anyway, there’s so much less to do physically during the day. You aren’t going to school for a million things, you don’t need to be available on inset days or half days, you don’t need to bring them to school.
He will have free time until about 4pm or later if they do clubs, but in the evening he’s still a parent surely?

Might be a good idea to start talking about good it will be to have him as the SAHD and do the bulk of child related tasks and housework.

Friends in the police force retired from the force but took up a second working life. One which they enjoyed. I wouldn't say that they were pensioners. At 55 there's still a life out there.

Stop saying that you did it for the first one so it's logical to do everything for the second. We sold our business early. DH learnt to cook did the morning school run. Was always busy. He had hobbies but the children came first.

I don’t mind working later. I mind him deciding he is going to ‘retire’ and take up hobbies and leave me to continue parenting whilst he fishes or golfs or whatever whilst I’m still on call for all parenting…

then don't be.

He is retiring from work not life. He’s not eligible for a state pension for another 10 years, he is emphatically not a pensioner.

Well then say so and don’t allow him to be so bloody selfish.

I think this is the dream, the exception? Most people in my husband’s occupation hit 55 and ‘retire’. They have served their time.

I'd consider going full-time and pushing your career forwards in order to boost your own pension pot. Therefore he needs to be looking at being the at home parent. Teenagers are not easy, and I have had more time off this year because of teenage drama than I ever did for little kid sniffles or whatever. Is he emotionally intelligent? Close to his kids? Will they come to him with romantic drama/friend problems/got their period/furious about some injustice?

This was always the arrangement with my husband - kids are getting older and I am looking to retrain, he is in a senior leadership position, as my career is on the ascent at some point he can take a back foot and be more present at home. I worked 15 hours a week whilst our kids were young, and am still PT now, and I am grateful to have been able to do that, and do agree he deserves to wind back from paid employment younger than me. But it's been discussed in explicit terms - think you need to be clear with your husband exactly what him being at home at 55 means for the family.

This.
Embrace it op!

So you’re comfortably off, you could afford to be a sahm, your kids are transitioning to high school, your dh can finance his retirement-what exactly is the problem? Do you love and get on with your dh? Do you want to please each other? If so, why not have a conversation about your life going forward and how it can work for you all? And maybe think about the old story about everyone oolong their problems and deciding that they’d like to take their old problems back.

So easy to say. Don’t be. Just tell him… what occupation does your OH do? Ever been married to a police officer or a military man or a person who has been a firefighter for 30 yrs? Just tell him..? Ok

So don't be on call. Tell him this works well, as you did all the on call during their early school years, and he can do it now. Great timing!

I don't really follow your thinking.
Your H is older so your work lives are out of step. He started before you, so will finish before you and enjoy retirement. Just as you will when you reach that life stage yourself.
The fact that you were at home during the tough years and he will be at home in the easier ones, isn't relevent, because you were/are at home for different reasons. You because you took time out of the period you'd have otherwise been working, specifically to do that childcare, he because he's completed his work life altogether.
So, you shouldn't be comparing your SAHM period with his retirement. You should be comparing his retirement with your own retirement. And yours should be the easier.

If you get a divorce then you can take half his pension.. And he would probably end up with more child care than currently too.

You never intended to stay at home on those cold, wet Tuesday November mornings when your husband (and the rest of us) were at work and didn’t have a discussion about retirement for both of you? It sounds to me like you’d like to have your cake, and eat it.
So, the choices are hard. Go to work, five days a week, when your kids are young, or work until you are 67 and your kids are living it up on Bondi Beach. Choose your hard. I’m heading for Bondi Beach at 55. With my husband. I returned to work with 3 under 3 when the twin were 5.5 months. It would have been much nicer to has been at home.

Well if you aren’t going to talk to your own husband about it I’m sure what you want out of this thread?

His occupation is no excuse for him being a dick. If he doesn’t realise he still has children when he stops work why would you even remain married to him?? The whole dynamic is bizzare.

Buy him a cookery course as a retirement gift and that can be his new hobby - together with cleaning up the kitchen afterwards.

Well yes of course that's completely unreasonable,, but also in keeping with the idea of letting you use up your inheritance to look after the children. He behaves as if they are not his children at all. All the other behaviours follow.

This post makes me really feel sad

Hi op yes he can retire from his job but not being a father just say when you retire will you be doing more for the kids being more available so I can concentrate on my job. If he doesn’t pull his way call him out dad first.

Why?!

Hahaha, oh dear. I'd never marry a police man or a soldier @PerfectTiming1 but I do understand how the idea of "just telling him" is laughable. My husband would not be "told" any such thing either. That said, I'm not sure he'd abdicate on his responsibilities like this either.

Your own bitterness is irrelevant to OP’s situation.

So has he outright said that his plan is to crack on with hobbies and still leave you to do all the parenting? Whilst still working?