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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to buy my daughter's boyfriend a replacement phone?

116 replies

AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 15:28

Sooo…name change and a few altered details for privacy. If I get found I don’t want people to see all of my other posts.

Simple one though really. My DD’s boyfriend has a really old phone and it just doesn’t work anymore. Constantly needs to be hooked up to a powerbank, and just useless. I suspect that his parents don’t use have the money around to buy a new one, but I do and I don’t mind.

I just wonder if I would be overstepping to get him one. I don’t want to offend his parents, I get on well with them, but I just don’t know how to help out without causing an issue. They’re both 17, no jobs yet as they have a very long commute to college and very little spare time to work until they finish next year and go to uni or start working full time, so can’t buy it themselves. Also no birthday or anniversary so I can’t slide the money to my DD to buy it for him as a present.

AIBU to buy one. Just the lowest functioning iPhone would be an upgrade so wouldn’t be spending megabucks.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 03/07/2026 15:30

Yes you would be over stepping but I can see why you’d like to do this but he may feel beholden to you if you buy it and also that he’s owes you / your daughter in some way
it could make the relationship difficult

an iPhone is still a lot of money

anotherdaytosmile · 03/07/2026 15:31

I’d do it as long as my DD had no issues with it AND you understand that a gift can’t be reclaimed so if the split up two days later, nothing you can do

Owlteapot · 03/07/2026 15:31

Could you buy it and offer saying its an old one of yours you found?

24Dogcuddler · 03/07/2026 15:32

I wouldn’t. Parents might not be impressed. They could split up next week.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 03/07/2026 15:32

I would buy a slightly older version and say you got it from a friend. It’s a kind thing to do.

YouPromisedToStopPosting · 03/07/2026 15:33

No, it’s far too expensive a gift.

However if you have an old phone in a drawer that you don’t use any longer that would be fine to offer.

VividDeer · 03/07/2026 15:34

I think a new iPhone is too much. Maybe gift it as your old one like pp suggested.

TeenToTwenties · 03/07/2026 15:34

Get a second hand one from CEX?
More easy to pass off as one you no longer need?

Isanyonereallyanonymous · 03/07/2026 15:34

Does it have to even be an iPhone? I have an entry level Motorola android. It cost £80/90. It's a gift I'd feel comfortable accepting from someone else, an iPhone at a couple of hundred pounds wouldn't be.
Yes my phone is basic but it functions and does what a phone needs to do nowadays.
As to whether it's an appropriate gift, might depend on how long they've been dating. Less than 6 months and you barely know him I'd say it's overstepping. If they're relatively established (for that age) I would offer but not just buy and give.

Pootles34 · 03/07/2026 15:38

Yes agree give him a reconditioned one and say you no longer need it. Run it by his parents first.

iamfrustrated · 03/07/2026 15:39

It’s a gift. You can give him a gift, ffs

Ponoka7 · 03/07/2026 15:41

When is his birthday?
My first thought was a second hand one and say it's a old phone.

buymeflowers · 03/07/2026 15:41

Just say it’s an unwanted upgrade

SummerInSun · 03/07/2026 15:44

Agree with all PP. Absolutely do not buy him a new one. Either treat yourself of DD to a new one and tell him he can have the old spare one, or dig an old one out of a drawer.

TheBlueKoala · 03/07/2026 15:47

Tricky.. maybe his parents have planned to give him one? Can you ask them directly if you can give him one without overstepping? Atleast then they can say yes or no.

MeanwhileinGilead · 03/07/2026 15:48

Buying him a new iPhone is probably too much, even if it came from your daughter as a birthday or holiday gift. You're still looking at £300+ unlocked. I'd go with an older secondhand model if you're going to do it, and say it was spare and going unused so you thought boyfriend might as well have it since he was having trouble with his. If his parents do care, they may be happier to think of it as a loan, even though realistically you wouldn't expect or get it back.

Original poster
AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 15:53

rubyslippers · 03/07/2026 15:30

Yes you would be over stepping but I can see why you’d like to do this but he may feel beholden to you if you buy it and also that he’s owes you / your daughter in some way
it could make the relationship difficult

an iPhone is still a lot of money

I would ask my daughter to say it was from her, or to take it out of the box and just say it was a refurbished insurance claim one or something I think. Then his parents wouldn’t know it was me

OP posts:
watchingthishtread · 03/07/2026 15:53

Is it that you particularly want to give him a gift or simply that you'd like to see him with a better phone? If it's the latter could you buy a decent quality second hand phone and tell him that one of your family members got an upgrade and would he like their old phone?

A new iphone for no occasion ott.

Original poster
AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 15:54

anotherdaytosmile · 03/07/2026 15:31

I’d do it as long as my DD had no issues with it AND you understand that a gift can’t be reclaimed so if the split up two days later, nothing you can do

Yeah I would never expect it back. It would be fully a gift. And in an ideal world nobody would know it was from me

OP posts:
Sparrowsandbudgies · 03/07/2026 15:54

Just say you’ve had an upgrade and it’s an old one he can have.

UpDownAllAround1 · 03/07/2026 15:56

Does he want a new phone?

Original poster
AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 15:56

watchingthishtread · 03/07/2026 15:53

Is it that you particularly want to give him a gift or simply that you'd like to see him with a better phone? If it's the latter could you buy a decent quality second hand phone and tell him that one of your family members got an upgrade and would he like their old phone?

A new iphone for no occasion ott.

Yeah it’s the fact that his is broken, so it’s more inconvenient and if they’re out somewhere and hers is dead or no signal his isn’t a reliable second option.

I should say that he is like family with us already as we have known him for about 6/7 years, so it’s not as though he is a random in our lives. I think that’s mostly why I’m wanting to help.

I was thinking of saying it was an insurance refurb/replacement for a broken phone or getting my daughter to say she bought it

OP posts:
Original poster
AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 15:58

YouPromisedToStopPosting · 03/07/2026 15:33

No, it’s far too expensive a gift.

However if you have an old phone in a drawer that you don’t use any longer that would be fine to offer.

I wish I did. I’m even considering upgrading DD’s so that she can give him hers. That would be a quick win wouldn’t it

OP posts:
Imanautumn · 03/07/2026 16:00

How about you upgrade your daughters phone and she gives him her old phone

Imanautumn · 03/07/2026 16:00

AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 15:58

I wish I did. I’m even considering upgrading DD’s so that she can give him hers. That would be a quick win wouldn’t it

Show quote history

lol I literally just wrote that before seeing your comment!