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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to cancel a first date over his venue choice?

113 replies

TheLobsterClub · 02/07/2026 20:43

I think I’m going to cancel.

Meant to meet someone for the first time tomorrow, been talking for ages online but I’m not sure if there’s much of a spark so far. He wanted to meet in a soulless Costa coffee on the edge of town, which I’d never go in at the best of times. I suggested we meet in the town centre which is full of cute little independent coffee shops, bars, etc.

His response was that his ex wife works in the town and it would be awkward if he was seen on a date. I mean a few of my exes work in the town (it’s a small town after all) but the key differences are a) they’ll be at work during the day and b) I actually don’t care

It sounds to me like we can never go out in my home town? I feel like cancelling to be honest.

OP posts:
Fedupcreative86 · 03/07/2026 16:59

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 16:55

Gateway to the Tees Valley apparently 😅although would never say it was Teesside - I'm a Co Durham girl all the way!

Sorry hope you saw my edit!

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 17:06

@Fedupcreative86 I did now! 😅I worked in M for the last few years, RPH next to JCUH - I don't know why we're talking in riddles as it's all easy to work out should anyone even care...

OP posts:
FFSItsTooHot · 03/07/2026 17:13

I would be suspicious if a man didn't want to be seen by his 'ex' with a woman.

Fedupcreative86 · 03/07/2026 17:14

F

moose17 · 03/07/2026 17:17

Meeting at Costa wouldn’t be the problem, him still being with his girlfriend/Wife would though.

Fedupcreative86 · 03/07/2026 17:19

Sorry posted too soon. Oddly enough I knew a guy in "D" who used to moan about an ex who left for another bloke (just an acquaintance, not dating haha). Don't know if they were married though.

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 17:24

@Fedupcreative86 he's from your neck of the woods - the ex apparently only works in D... both live in M...

OP posts:
Fedupcreative86 · 03/07/2026 17:26

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 17:24

@Fedupcreative86 he's from your neck of the woods - the ex apparently only works in D... both live in M...

Ah. Not who I was thinking of 🤣 sorry to bother you! It is a small place though!

BilgeVole · 03/07/2026 17:32

His “ex” wife.

Yes, of course. “Ex”.

ItsLOSELikeLostNotLOOSELikeBaggy · 03/07/2026 20:09

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 17:24

@Fedupcreative86 he's from your neck of the woods - the ex apparently only works in D... both live in M...

Hi from a fellow NE Neighbour. He sounds a bit mad. Chuck him back.

ElizaJ74 · 03/07/2026 20:09

He's still married OP
Throw it back

HaveYouFedTheFish · 03/07/2026 20:12

Bitzee · 02/07/2026 20:45

Yup red flags all over the place if he’ll only meet you out of town where no one can see. In that scenario best case she’s an utter psycho and worst case she’s not his ex at all and they’re very much together… no thanks…

Yep - she's not his ex, she's his wife/ partner and has no idea he's on dating sites...

maxslice · 03/07/2026 20:58

Maybe his ex isn’t as “ex” as he says.

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