AIBU to cancel a first date over his venue choice?

[TheLobsterClub]

I think I’m going to cancel.

Meant to meet someone for the first time tomorrow, been talking for ages online but I’m not sure if there’s much of a spark so far. He wanted to meet in a soulless Costa coffee on the edge of town, which I’d never go in at the best of times. I suggested we meet in the town centre which is full of cute little independent coffee shops, bars, etc.

His response was that his ex wife works in the town and it would be awkward if he was seen on a date. I mean a few of my exes work in the town (it’s a small town after all) but the key differences are a) they’ll be at work during the day and b) I actually don’t care

It sounds to me like we can never go out in my home town? I feel like cancelling to be honest.

No I wouldn’t go either, why doesn’t he want to be seen by his ex?

YANBU. Give this one a serve and save yourself the hassle.

I would run a mile. Crap choice of first date, you’re not sure if there’s a spark between you and sounds like the ex wife might be an issue. Give this one a wide berth!

Just said it would be awkward. I serve my ex in my work every Saturday while he pretends he’s never met me before, I give absolutely zero fucks

Yup red flags all over the place if he’ll only meet you out of town where no one can see. In that scenario best case she’s an utter psycho and worst case she’s not his ex at all and they’re very much together… no thanks…

You'd have a hard time hiding from "ex" every time you saw him.

This one's a pass.

I think he means his current wife works in town 😂

Cancel! Do something more fun like clear out the fridge.

I’d be suspicious that his wife is not ex at all, and would be quite miffed to find her definitely still current husband having his cake and eating it on a date with another woman - even in a cute cafe.

@BrickProblems ironically I did that last week 😂😂😂😂

Don't set 'future you' up for a life of subterfuge and drama in your own home environment. This man has nothing to offer you.

God, I’m sure you’re all totally correct, but I am glad I am not currently dating, because I would never have thought of any of that! I quite like Costa and my ExH is a loon so I wouldn’t have clocked it. FFS, it’s a minefield!

I definitely wouldn't go if he's hyper vigilant about his ex. If she's his ex.

Massive red flag. I think he's still married.

On the slight chance he isn't, what's the point if hes not willing to be seen with you anyway.

He's either still with her and she isn't an ex, or he's definitely still concerned about her opinion.

How long is 'ages'? I'm not sure why you would meet someone that you're unsure if there's a spark with? I would think the spark is there or not at this point?

I can understand him asking to meet out of town though. He feels comfortable there under the circumstances he's explained. I don't see the problem on that.

I would theoretically be OK with Costa as a first meet up. They're cheap and non committal, easy to walk away from. But I would decline because of his reason for choosing it, and given there are better café options just makes that 10x worse.

He doesnt want to be seen out with you in public..

About three months, we stopped talking for a while and I went on a couple of dates with someone else. I don’t think you can decide on a spark if you’ve never met in person

so we can only meet out of town because of his issues?

Everyone is different but I would know if the spark is there or not after chatting online for so long.

For a first date, meet him out of town. He's explained why - that's a big thing in my opinion. He likely doesn't want there to be a potential issue by going into town. It doesn't matter where you go, if you're going to get along, you'll get along wherever.

I hope you give him a chance. He sounds like a thoughtful person.

So telling me to meet him with no spark yet claiming that I would know by now if there was a spark?

No I’m cancelling, I’m not being dictated to where we can meet even if it a first date. My ex who used to abuse me lives in the same town but I’d never say let’s not meet there just in case

I think you said you were unsure if there was a spark.

You've made the decision anyway.

He's married, OP.

I think you’re right to cancel; something doesn’t seem right and suspect he’s not single

Awkward why?
Because she's not aware shes his ex?

How the hell can you have a spark with someone you've never met in person?!?!

It's the first time you're meeting so I dont blame him for wanting to not bump into his ex.

Its just a first meet up. Go and see what he is like in person as you can never tell online.

I once went on a date with someone I'd met online and felt i had a spark with. In person he was meh.

But as you've already made up your mind this thread is a bit pointless.