AIBU to cancel a first date over his venue choice?

[TheLobsterClub]

I think I’m going to cancel.

Meant to meet someone for the first time tomorrow, been talking for ages online but I’m not sure if there’s much of a spark so far. He wanted to meet in a soulless Costa coffee on the edge of town, which I’d never go in at the best of times. I suggested we meet in the town centre which is full of cute little independent coffee shops, bars, etc.

His response was that his ex wife works in the town and it would be awkward if he was seen on a date. I mean a few of my exes work in the town (it’s a small town after all) but the key differences are a) they’ll be at work during the day and b) I actually don’t care

It sounds to me like we can never go out in my home town? I feel like cancelling to be honest.

Agree the Costa isn't an issue. Meeting a stranger, I'd rather be in a bit of a dull, busy neutral place.

I've had awful first meets where the other party has picked some "cute, intimate" venue and essentially there's no chemistry, they're weird and the whole experience is humiliating overall...

The ex-wife comment....

Agree she's probably current wife. If not, it's a very crass weird thing to say. Or maybe it's another person he's shagging or dating 🫠....

Trust your gut OP!!

Sounds like his ex isn't really an ex

No an ex?

Oh god, yes cancel @TheLobsterClub . Costa, for heaven’s sake!

I would cancel.

I’d have no issue with avoiding one specific place if it was his exes workplace but not the entire town centre. That’s just a red flag

Definitely cancel. He's either not over his ex or he's still married and hoping to cheat with you.

Is it not difficult to know if there’s a spark until you’ve met in person?

Most likely she isn't his ex.

Right? This is how people get catfished lol

The venue wouldn't bother me, tiptoeing round the ex would!

I wonder if he is still married maybe they aren’t even separated? I would also cancel as something doesn’t sound right about this.

I’d cancel for the costa suggestion alone!

If he’s that worried about seeing his ex that he needs to hide, he’s really not ready to be dating yet. Swerve this one.

Thanks everyone - confirming to me I think that I'm not being too hasty!

If they are married still then she doesn't appear on his Facebook anywhere, but I'm not exactly sure how recent the split was and I don't think I want to be tiptoeing around for anyone. His excuse was that 'she might pop out on her lunch break and see us' - except we hadn't even agreed a time to meet!

The Costa thing... I don't drink coffee when I'm out regardless but it wouldn't have been so bad if he wanted to meet in the town centre one... I don't really fancy a first date in a soulless retail park!

I don’t blame you. As they say ‘start as you mean to go on!’. This could be the start of a very dull relationship. Avoid!

I'd cancel. Not going to lie I wouldn't leave the house for a Costa Coffee. The ex wife thing is a red flag.

I agree. Costa, although not exciting, is pretty neutral, not exciting but safe. However, avoiding the town centre ‘just in case’ you bump into ex is the reason. What’s the chances of that happening?

It’s not his ex- still married

Either she’s not an ex or he’s not over her.

I can’t help wondering if she is still actually his wife not his ex?

I agree! She's not his ex.

Definitely cancel, dates are supposed to feel a bit special and exciting. Why meet someone at a venue you wouldn’t even consider nice enough for day to day life.

Also, he is probably married and that’s why he doesn’t want to be seen with you.

Absolutely this

Coffee sounds a good idea for a first date. Much easier to cut it short if it doesn't work out.