To skint us all by sending DC to private school?

[Stilish]

One DC is at private school. This is because they have SEN and was really struggling at local comp. This was before the VAT issue. That DC is absolutely flourishing.

Next DC has no SEN and started at the local comp last year. Is not having a great time at all, it’s a really poor school in many ways and this DC has gone from happy and high achieving, to unhappy and failing academically in 12 months.

I want to send this DC to the private school too, where I know they will thrive like their sibling. But with the VAT it will be an incredible stretch for our family and I don’t know what to do. I have one happy child in a good school doing well, and one unhappy child in a crap school not doing well.

I hate Kier Starmer and I hate Rachel Reeves. Their spiteful tax hasn’t punished any of the rich families. But I’ve been homeless and my husband and I have grafted since our teenage years, and it’s bloody punishing us.

What on earth do I do?

YANBU - find a way and send them
YABU - keep one child in the local comp and let them keep failing

How many years would you be paying for both? In your circumstances I’d definitely send both.

Can you afford your mortgage if the rates go up again etc? Worth a few years pain if you can manage it.

I don’t think that removing charitable status benefits for businesses - which is what private schools are - is your problem. Your issue is that your children don’t flourish in mainstream and you can’t afford to send both.

I think I would struggle with the inequity as a parent if you don’t send both. Neither can cope in mainstream. How would you explain it to your second child when older, that you prioritised the other child’s needs?

It is a very tough one for you. In your shoes I would beg steal borrow to send both. I would sacrifice all other luxuries in pursuit of equity.

As a wider discussion, we need to make our state schools suit the needs of all children. Teacher here. We need more money (in terms of budget, not pay), more resources (physical, human) and a more flexible curriculum that allows teachers space to breathe life into learning, rather than motor through massive content leaving many behind.

no one should feel they have to privately educate to get an education.

Educating two children differently does leave a lifelong legacy and can cause family rifts. It’s why so many people oppose the grammar system. But only you know if you can actually afford it. There’s no point losing your home. What does the school say about your son?

I mean - I couldn’t send one to and one not - but if you can’t afford it - you can’t afford it. Wasn’t the 20% extra he taxed meant to help state schools? What happened there?

DC’s school offers quite a generous sibling discount, anything like that available? Always worth applying for any bursaries as well, the academic ones can be quite hard to get but any sporting or musical talent might qualify.

It’s only been in place since Jan. Were you expecting it to have massively changed state education in sixth months? It’s a helpful sum but don’t forget not that many children in the country actually attend private school in the first place

Fees are around £7k a term, so £21k a year. £42k for both children.

Pre VAT, this was £33,600. A huge amount of money still, but we had budgeted we could just about do it or we wouldn’t have sent the first one.

The VAT means we need to find nearly an extra £10k, that is what is taking it from ‘a stretch and we can’t take any days off or foreign holidays but we can do it’ to ‘oh shit.’

It doesn’t affect the rich families though, obvs.

We’ll get 10% but it’s still the extra 20% that’s changed things as I’d already budgeted for the 10% sibling discount.

The bursary pot is already allocated for next year. DC might get a sport scholarship but it’s only 4%. We will try though.

If you can afford £33,600 a year in school fees you are one of "the rich families"...

Yes you could ask about that

Does the school use School fees plan? That way you can spread it over 12 months rather than big term bills 3 times a year.

Could your second child possibly also have SEN or ND? Why are they failing at a state secondary school so quickly after flourishing at primary? It doesn't really make sense. Are they being bullied? Or have mental health issues? What does the school say about their underachievement so far and what plan have they and you put in place to turn it around?

As an aside it always surprises me that people who can afford private school live somewhere where the state schools are so bad. Use the money you'd spend on your DC2's education in a private school on moving to an area where either the teaching is better or the pupil demographic is more engaged in education. Or is this really just trying to make an anti-government point because you support a right wing party?

Remortgage, do whatever it takes, send them both to private school.

And remember how you vote next time.

There may be other ways of helping DC2 flourish without moving to a private school. I would look into those since you can't afford private fees. It isn't a sign that you are favouring your oldest if you pay for just one. My sister was privately educated and I wasn't for various reasons. I got a better education and better results and never resented it.

This

Yes I do understand, I just don’t think that this trumps the logic of removing charitable status from something so far removed from charity. It’s privileged education for those who can afford it, not charity. The fact that some struggle more to pay fees doesn’t make it any more charitable.

the issue is not the VAT, it’s the state of state education and the fact that it is underinvested by such a degree that some children don’t thrive. That’s what needs to change.

but I do understand that this doesn’t solve your immediate issue and I do feel very sorry for you being in this position. I hope you find a way to make sure both your children thrive.

Hardly likely to make a difference overnight was it.

By the sounds of it you need to move your second DC. Are there any other state schools around? Perhaps just a better state school would fix the problem? Otherwise I think you have to do whatever you can to get them into the private school as well.

I would stop whining about the VAT though, all that's happened is that you've moved out of the 7% of people who can afford private school and joined the 93% of the population who can't. Tough shit.

Full disclosure I'm against private education, however not for any ideological reasons but simply because if "private school parents" were in the state system they're the sort of people who could push the government to invest in education properly, they have the clout and the contacts to make things better for all children.
If all MPs and Peers had to send their children to state schools, could only use NHS services for treatment and had to travel everywhere on public transport I bet we'd see massive improvements in all three within a couple of years...

Explain to me how you think private schools meet the definition of a charity?

those of us who oppose private education do not do so out of spite and envy, but because of a belief in fairness. We see only too clearly the effect of inequity in educational outcomes between rich and poor. The world isn’t a fair place but some of us fight for it to be more fair on behalf of those who don’t have or can’t use their own voice. Children are one such category of people. My poorest children in my school’s very deprived area deserve as good an education as the wealthiest families’ children. They don’t get it because government funding doesn’t even get us enough glue sticks.

Make a choice to privately educate by all means but please don’t pretend it’s a charitable endeavour.

True.
And imagine if they had to have asylum seekers housed nearby, the boats would be stopped in days.

OP, if you can possibly manage it, send your other DC to private school - you’ll never regret it. Education is a gift that no-one can ever take away from your DC, and if they’re failing at the local comp, I would be begging, borrowing and stealing to get them to the same private school as their sibling. If it’s all really too much, you could take them out for the sixth form, although one of your DC might have finished school by then.
I’m absolutely with you over Reeves, Starmer and VAT on independent school education - a miserable, vindictive tax spurred by the politics of envy that has resulted in the closure of a not insignificant number of schools. It wouldn’t have been allowed had we still been in the EU - almost all other countries regard education as a public good that should be subsidised rather than taxed.

I understand your pain. State school teacher and I can tell you now actual schools and students won’t see a penny of that money directed towards what could make a difference. It will all go towards pointless initiatives. However being angry won’t solve it
in your shoes I’d probably try and throw everything I could at it to make it work. Could you extend your mortgage over a longer period of time ? Take on any extra hours ?