To skint us all by sending DC to private school?

[Stilish]

One DC is at private school. This is because they have SEN and was really struggling at local comp. This was before the VAT issue. That DC is absolutely flourishing.

Next DC has no SEN and started at the local comp last year. Is not having a great time at all, it’s a really poor school in many ways and this DC has gone from happy and high achieving, to unhappy and failing academically in 12 months.

I want to send this DC to the private school too, where I know they will thrive like their sibling. But with the VAT it will be an incredible stretch for our family and I don’t know what to do. I have one happy child in a good school doing well, and one unhappy child in a crap school not doing well.

I hate Kier Starmer and I hate Rachel Reeves. Their spiteful tax hasn’t punished any of the rich families. But I’ve been homeless and my husband and I have grafted since our teenage years, and it’s bloody punishing us.

What on earth do I do?

YANBU - find a way and send them
YABU - keep one child in the local comp and let them keep failing

I agree with you (and vote Labour). I also sent one child to private school because of SENDs. I moved house to a grammar area for the other. I didn’t go round hating anyone or stamping my feet - like I don’t because we can’t afford BUPA or a brand new car. That’s life and all these things are luxuries, not necessities.

I think either they both go private or neither of them does

I agree with you (and vote Labour). I also sent one child to private school because of SENDs. I moved house to a grammar area for the other. I didn’t go round hating anyone or stamping my feet - like I don’t because we can’t afford BUPA or a brand new car. That’s life and all these things are luxuries, not necessities.

THIS! DITTO THIS!!!!

Do it, OP- you won’t regret it

This is fine and all, and a nice idea that's always rolled out
But it just isn't true
Trust me, I've been there.

No MP is listening

No school staff, secure in their public funded jobs, are somehow more responsive or motivated because X or Y is a very important whatever.

Such parents, like myself, can only organise private tuition for their child, enriching extracurricular activities for their child, while their child attends the local funded school.

Nothing moves the school to provide more or 'do better'. Nothing.

@Stilish have to tried talking to the school / bursar? They maybe able to help.They did in my case. It has to be worth a shot

I think you are either being facetious or not reading properly. I have not said that all children are being provided for and I do not consider us to be in anything near to a utopian educational situation. Quite the reverse. As is evident from my posts if you care to put your anger aside and read them calmly and thoughtfully.

I’m in the system, fighting for these children, all the time. I would love a utopia - I just don’t think educating 7% separately in a more privileged environment is how to achieve that.

Precisely.

Meanwhile, my child needed a decent education, he'd only get one chance, and my primary duty of care is to my child, not to British education.

It sounds like you’re in a difficult situation OP; I agree with previous posters that educating one child privately and keeping the other struggling in state is far from ideal. Wouldn’t be too bad if they were flourishing in state.

However if you can only just afford it what happens when school fees rise with inflation?

What is the money that would be spent on school fees currently being spent on?

Could you move him to a different state school and perhaps offer a tutor in particular subject or subjects and maybe some activities like horseriding perhaps?

It’s not ideal, but it might take the edge off.

Just do it. It will break you if you don’t. All 4 of mine did some time at private when they needed it. None needed it for 6th form. You will be delighted once they start and once you see the improvement. I have spent about £800k on education over the years - could have bought them a property outright instead but I have zero regrets.

Can you move to a smaller house or a cheaper area so that the mortgage payments go down /and or you get money out of the house?

Can you get rid of a car if you have 2?

Can the grandparents help towards fees?

I’d ask these questions before bankrupting yourself even if it’s best educationally for your child.

Sorry I voted the wrong way by accident because your options don’t mirror the poll ordering

Without "outing" your husband what sort of job pays £50k a year and comes with free accommodation?

This. And excuse me whilst I get my tiny violin out.
Either both kids in private or neither, you are setting the non-private kid up for a lifetime of resenting you otherwise.
ideally neither, all the adults I know who went to private school have no common sense or grasp of real life.

I think whingeing and being resentful of the govt isn't going to help you here.

What's in your control? The school your child goes to . Think about how you can improve their experience there, or their educational experience, and if nothing, then move them. It's what millions of parents have to do and have always had to do.

And fwiw, moaning about the rich parents also smacks of envy - you've got one kid in private school, so you're hardly poor.

You were already in a crap position by having one in state and one in private. Even worse that your describe the state school as “crap”. It might gaff been ok if it was a leafy grammar or something. So you’ve already stored up issues for your DCs.
School fees are always going to rise year on year. Bursary entitlement changes too.
I honestly don’t think the government is responsible for the predicament that you’re in.

Op I just don’t think I could send one kid private (and happy) and then have the other one mainstream (and unhappy). I appreciate it’s a horrible horrible situation for you, but I would beg and borrow what I could so my kids had equal opportunities.

How much money and for how long? I assume DC2 must be nearly at the end of yr7? So 4 years fees for them and how many left for DC1? 6th form might just have to be out of the question

the Vat is a pain but is it really a deal breaker here?

Forgive me if I have misread your posts but you have a combined income of £100K, no housing costs and still can't afford it?

Agreed.

OP ask the bursary whether they use the school fees plan, the 12 monthly payments does make it slightly more manageable. I had DD with AUDHD at private and as a lone parent it was hard at times but 12 payments was definitely easier than 3.

Just as an aside though, my DD17 left the private sector last summer as I found a good sixth form college with decent SEN provision and small classes. Maybe look locally for the same so the financial pain is a few years rather than several?

Mine went to an assortment of state and private dependent on their individual needs at any one time and the changing quality of each school over time. There was no sense that if one was at private they all had to be. We just did the best for each with their different needs.

But in your case it sounds as tho the needs of DC 2 would be best served at private too so you may need to beg steal and borrow to make this happen.

What a shame we do not have a quality state education system where these choices do not arise.

If you’re even considering it, then you’re rich enough. It’s certainly not worth bankrupting yourself for. What about another state school, a better one? Extra tuition on the side?

I would want to know why a child that you thought was a high achiever was suddenly failing, what did the school say?
If you want them to go to private school then unfortunately it’ll mean you need to make sacrifices, only you’ll know if they’ll be worth it.