To skint us all by sending DC to private school?

[Stilish]

One DC is at private school. This is because they have SEN and was really struggling at local comp. This was before the VAT issue. That DC is absolutely flourishing.

Next DC has no SEN and started at the local comp last year. Is not having a great time at all, it’s a really poor school in many ways and this DC has gone from happy and high achieving, to unhappy and failing academically in 12 months.

I want to send this DC to the private school too, where I know they will thrive like their sibling. But with the VAT it will be an incredible stretch for our family and I don’t know what to do. I have one happy child in a good school doing well, and one unhappy child in a crap school not doing well.

I hate Kier Starmer and I hate Rachel Reeves. Their spiteful tax hasn’t punished any of the rich families. But I’ve been homeless and my husband and I have grafted since our teenage years, and it’s bloody punishing us.

What on earth do I do?

YANBU - find a way and send them
YABU - keep one child in the local comp and let them keep failing

Most people don't make that kind of financial commitment so no squealing

There’s no point repeating this. The wealthy simply do not believe they are wealthy because they are not part of the 0.001% set. They are also the first to say that an annual foreign holiday is part of a set of basic lifestyle expectations when it is a giant luxury.

The policy was always aimed at lower middle class families since very wealthy parents were going to keep their kids in private schools regardless of the VAT. What I would say is not every child flourishes at private school and the fees aren’t to be taken lightly, ours have risen exponentially in the time we’ve been at our independent school. Have you forecast all the rises (generally they go up each year), and done the same stress testing for your other costs: mortgage, utilities, council tax?

Crap state schools fuck up children more than just academically.

I’d do everything I could to send both children to a private school that suited their needs.

If you only have £50k income you really couldn’t afford to send the eldest private. You’d be better to move to an area with better schooling. London has costly housing but excellent state schooling and great SEND provision in many places. Do your eldest have an EHCP?

Most private schools do not have charitable status. Like most countries in the world, we did not tax education as it was considered unethical. If we were still in the EU, Labour would not have been able to introduce VAT on education.

I agree with previous poster. Just because you can’t afford it (which most families can’t) doesn’t mean the policy is wrong. Private school is inaccessible for the vast majority of families.

I think you’d be better off moving house to an area with decent mainstream schools.

Id love to send my children to private school but it would never be a consideration. Thats not Kiers fault.

I do think the government need to increase funding for more staff in mainstream.

Academically able children without SEN can absolutely thrive and do well even in the shittest of comps. Surely there are better options where you live anyway or are you very rural?

I don’t think making yourself broke is the best solution here. My ILs did this and DH has no idea why, he doesn’t feel as though he gained anything from it at all and he was just the insecure “poor kid” because some of his peers were turning up to school in helicopters and sports cars and lived in mansions. He went to school with Yungblud who hilariously claims to be working class because he was born in Doncaster but fails to say this was a posh village within the Doncaster postcode and that he went to a prestigious private school. I digress.

I don’t get why you’d make yourself broke for this. IL’s remortgaged, got into debt, didn’t have money to get DH and his sister the fancy clothes or do the expensive hobbies their peers did so they just never fit in.

Is there another school slightly further out that possibly has space?
Are you in a grammar school area where your privately educated can sit the exam for and then the same for the next one?
Our county isn’t a grammar school area, we have 3 private schools within 10 miles and the rest are state.
My 3 all went to a state primary, eldest is in a state secondary which isn’t our catchment school as he preferred the one slightly further away which was a little undersubscribed so he got in.
My next one chose to sit the 11 plus exam for the Grammar schools in the next County over, he got allocated a place based on results and will have to journey by bus and my smallest is still in primary.

I would never have sent one to private unless I could offer the same for all, my cousin went to a private school on scholarship (still had some fees paid) and his siblings didn’t, they had nothing in common growing up and it’s caused life long resentments to some extent.
You can’t keep him in a school where he is miserable and failing, you either have to look at moving him to another state school that suits him better or try and come up with the money somehow to send him.

Why is taxing optionally private education unethical?

It’s quite obvious that private education and healthcare is for the rich, the alternative is state provision that is accessible for all (SEN situation is different, absolutely awful and needs a major shakeup and investment).

Bullshit, of course they do.

Swimming lessons? Long term financial commitment.
Dance classes? Long term financial commitment.
Clarinet lessons? Football? Drama classes? University accommodation charges?

All mainstream mutli-year financial commitments, which parents will stretch themselves for to keep going.

But a 20% increase in costs, purely to placate envious class warriors, even though it will not improve anything else? Damn right you'd be squealing.

It wasn’t aimed at anything other than raising money.

And lower middle class parents in this country can no longer afford private school - that’s not news, it’s been the case for a couple of decades now

i am on a similar income with DH and can’t afford private school for my 2. But we have a mortgage too. I don’t begrudge the private school tax. If my son was struggling in his state school, we would try another state school. But it’s tricky for you to send one to private and the other not. That could cause a hell of a lot of resentment so you’re going to have to send DS2 really. Can’t have one happy in a private school and one unhappy in a state school. It will be a squeeze though.

Everyone would like to send their dc to a private school but if you can't afford it you can't. It should be that simple.

Go and talk to your dcs teachers and see what they suggest re support, or look at a different state school.

Agreed. Move nearer to a better school or use the money for private tutors.

Great post!

I feel for you, OP, this is such a difficult situation to be in. Hope you can find a solution.

We have twins - one went private after struggling in a top government school due to sen and the other stayed in government school system. We just allocated more tutoring funds to the twin who stayed in the government school system. Both ended up at the same russel group uni - infact twin who went to government school has a wider social network as had 220 kids in his A level year compared to 80 in the other twin's private school.
Keep one in private one in state - consider changing the state but definately top up with tutoring. You could move him to private ... won't guarantee he's happy there either.

Did they still send your brother to private or put you both in state?

I normally wouldn't think it was a good idea to send your dc private if it was a stretch but in this situation I think you have to. Brutally unfair to only pay for one dc, you can't do that!

Have you tried being less unpleasant ?

I am genuinely sorry that your DC are struggling, but I don’t really understand how - when public finances are so tight - there is any moral argument for the state to continue to subsidise the wealthy families who choose, voluntarily, to send their children to private school.

I appreciate you may not feel wealthy - but factually, if I’m understanding correctly and your joint income is 100K a year, then you ARE wealthy compared to most people - the average household income in the UK is more like 40K.

Only you can decide what’s best for your DC, but to reassure you - the vast, vast majority of children in this country go to state schools and, despite the scaremongering on Mumsnet, most thrive there. It sounds like this school is a bad fit for your son, might be worth looking at other state schools in the area.

I think being angry about private schools having to pay tax is misplaced though. Businesses should pay tax. There will always be a line of who can and who can't afford private school. It's not ethically different now that line is in a different place.

What an awful situation. If your home comes as part of your DH's job, it sounds like you're stuck. It's really not fair at all to prioritise one child over another when the state school has failed them both. If the only option in that area is a private school, you'll need to find a way to come up with the extra £10k a year so that both children can attend. Do you have a mortgage? If so, can you borrow more and extend the term, so you have longer to pay it back? Can one of you look for another job at night (I know that's easier said than done)?

If there is no way to scrape up enough cash, is there an out of area school that would be suitable for your second child (assuming there was a place available)? The travel may be further, but if it's better than the closer school, that could be an option.

I hope you find a way, OP.

Are you renting or mortgage?

If mortgage, could you re-mortgage?

It's 50k x2 + additional business income. Poor things. 42k fees will still be a mad amount of income but perhaps they don't have housing costs if the house comes with the job.