AIBU to think my daughter cannot afford this holiday abroad?

[ThisTealLeader]

Daughter (18) has booked a holiday with friends abroad, didn’t tell us the full amount and then lied about how much spending money she has. They are going bed and breakfast. She will have less than £200 spending money for a week’s holiday. She has used savings to pay for the holiday.
She is saying that her friend will be lending her money if she falls short, which she will I am sure.
My point is she is not being sensible with her money. She only works one day a week and so she cannot actually afford it and hasn’t thought it through.
I think she needs to cancel as it is irresponsible in my opinion to be going abroad with no backup. As far as I am aware she hasn’t booked travel insurance and is reluctant to do so as this will eat into her spending money.
Would like people’s thoughts on this?

Thought you were being OTT until I read all the updates. I wouldn't want her going either, she sounds very immature and while her friends sound sensible, they're only young as well. It's all well and good people saying she's an adult and can FAFO but she's still your daughter and you're still the ones going to have to pick up the pieces if the shit hits the fan. Not sure what to suggest as you can't physically stop her going and it doesn't sound like she'll listen to anything you or your husband say at this point though. I'd get the insurance for her, take copies of her passport etc and maybe try to get in contact with one of her friend's parents to explain your worries and ask if they can speak to their kid to tell them to contact their parent if there are any issues with your daughter so they can let you know. You have my sympathies, this sounds very stressful.

I think there needs to be some recognition that yes being 18 is an adult in the legal sense, but that not all 18 year olds are the same.
We would not trust her at home overnight by herself as she would likely leave the oven on and invite random boys around. Her younger brother who is 12 acts more responsible in some aspects.

This. The whole post seems awfully miserable.

Also to add, if she did end up in dire straits with money then I’d definitely help but I’d rather she learned the lesson standing in her own shoes first, then let her know that Mum has her back this time but it wouldn’t be a free pass in future.

Have you read my updates at all to gain some context?

Do take out insurance in her name for your own sanity and protection. If she gets hurt and needs to be repatriated etc no doubt you'll be expected to pay up yourself.

She sounds like the kind of person to go on a cliff top walk in windy weather, or dive into a swimming pool from the 10th floor...

I do, but OP 's DD is an adult now, and OP simply can't make her cancel. So we're advising based on that fact.

She'll have to work a second shift after her holiday to save quicker for her car insurance!

This reminded me of when she was about 6 and just dived into the deep end of the swimming pool on holiday, no armbands just jumped in. Luckily I was watching as the lifeguard wasn’t and I jumped in after her and pulled her out. I’m sure that was the start of it!

It would have helped to add more info in op why you feel the way you do @ThisTealLeader as not all ready the updates after from you

Tho all should

take copies of passport so if does lose it you can help her

maybe chat to one of the friends going and ask her to look after it/make sure goes in the safety box in room

does your daughter have an iPhone so can check where she is

also for her friends incase she wonders off so they can track her

Yes I realise I should have added more context at the beginning really.
Will take the advise about photocopying passport, didn’t think about that before.
yes she has an iPhone so can see location.

Buy books in advance, don’t hit duty free, eat before travelling?

Blimey you've all had a rough time of it.
I would also feel alarmed that a holiday could get really erratic even if my DD had enough money.
I don't know the answers op but I feel for you.

I'd be really worried but would have to just pray the friends were going to be able to guide her.
I'd probably say I'd send some money to her account half way through the holiday but that she has to budget for 4 days.
I'd say look I do understand you want to go and here we are, you're 18 and so try to make a good holiday for yourself.
I want you to have a nice time with your friends.
Please look after yourself and them.

She MUST have insurance. You know you'll rescue her whatever happens, so your choice is to pay the tiny amount her insurance will cost, or potentially be on the hook for hundreds of thousands.

I was thinking this

so she gets to budget /releise

but also enjoys

Ahahah I went to maga for my 17th with hardly any money… don’t think any of us had enough money tbh. Learned a hard lesson. I did manage to still get absolutely hammered every night though… weird that.

At the end of the day she’s an adult and she will probably learn from this. If there’s a real emergency you will be able to send her money and help her, but hopefully it will be fine and she will learn a life lesson.

I would buy her some insurance as everyone said (just want to also add that my son, also 18, is pretty sensible in life and good at travelling. However he has flown abroad today and when I asked him about travel insurance he said 'what's that?'!
I don't really think she needs £500 for a week but £200 is a little tight. You could catch up with her after a few days and see if she needs some more. If she has too much straight off she might go too crazy if she's that way inclined.

OP I think you have to let her be an adult and learn. Pay for the travel insurance but otherwise leave her to it unless she asks for help.

her friends actually sound like they will look after her & it might make her grow up a bit.

re the money, not sure about the 4-500 being needed. I was thinking about going away next week and doing SC with a £200 budget 😂. When I was your daughters age I’d take £250 - £300 and come back with at least £100. My friends would waste theirs on silly things so I can see how everyone differs.

she won’t learn to be an adult if you don’t allow her to do it

Excellent idea. Quid pro quo -you and your daughter benefit.

You sound pretty mean. She's 18! Can you afford to help her with spending money.. If so, do it.

Yeah, she’s not thought it through, but honestly, the holidays with friends at that age are the best ever. I still laugh at my holiday at that age and I’m now nearly 40. If you can, lend her some money, get travel insurance. Stick some snacks in her case and wish her a good time.

I would say 70 pc of people went on a holiday as a young adult they couldn’t afford. Not everything has to be a life lesson and she’ll realise when she starts spending that next time she needs to be more ready (and hopefully this will also sort out the job thing too!).

My DD (18) is AUDHD and i would say she is vulnerable. She’s had huge mental health problems for the last 4 years but she has seemed a bit better the last 6 months or so. When she said she wanted to go to South America for 2 months with friends I was so happy she was doing something with friends and having a change of scenery I was really happy for her.

She’s now 6 weeks In , has found some independence and is having the time of her life. I do totally understand your concern but I have had to let go a bit in a way I hadn’t done before.

She has gone with 3 friends and 2 of them are much more sensible. I saw this as a huge positive and it has been. They have all stuck together and as far as I know, no one has gone ‘rogue’ .

Also I think they are different once they are not in their home with parents. She’s not going to be slamming doors and answering back with her friends. it’s in her interests to tow the line.

If I was you I would be a) fully supporting the holiday - it’s exactly what’s she should be doing at this age b) arranging her insurance and if you can afford it topping up her spending money and c) Having a decent chat with her before she goes about the importance of sticking together, not getting paralytic etc etc. she’ll come back having had a great time and knowing that you fully supported her.

I was thinking the same as above. Peer pressure can be a wonderful thing, she may well behave on this trip. Above all, her friends wanted her to go, she's part of a group. Had she behaved as bad as she does at home with friends then she'd have no such invitation am sure.

I don't think all of her behaviour is down to any illness though of course I wouldn't rule it out. She does need to learn about life, learn consequences, joining in with chores at home (an 18 year old who does nothing is not good and chores is part of life skills) and she does need to start experiencing life outside of the home. As parents you won't be around forever to pick up the pieces but at the moment you are there to try your best to guide her into making better choices. Not all will be listened to and that unfortunately is the hard bit.

She has booked this holiday and spent money on it. I would try my best to make sure she has a little more plus the chance to add a bit as an emergency. Insurance, sunscreen etc, yes, buy it. I don't think you can stop her going and apart from helping her with practical things, she should go and all you have is to keep your fingers crossed. She may well surprise you in a good way and you get to see it when she's home.

Yeah. 1 year, that's how birthdays work 😂😂😂