AIBU to think my daughter cannot afford this holiday abroad?

[ThisTealLeader]

Daughter (18) has booked a holiday with friends abroad, didn’t tell us the full amount and then lied about how much spending money she has. They are going bed and breakfast. She will have less than £200 spending money for a week’s holiday. She has used savings to pay for the holiday.
She is saying that her friend will be lending her money if she falls short, which she will I am sure.
My point is she is not being sensible with her money. She only works one day a week and so she cannot actually afford it and hasn’t thought it through.
I think she needs to cancel as it is irresponsible in my opinion to be going abroad with no backup. As far as I am aware she hasn’t booked travel insurance and is reluctant to do so as this will eat into her spending money.
Would like people’s thoughts on this?

Why should the daughter be 'profusely grateful'? OP has done nothing but nitpick and criticise her daughter. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I'm so glad that my parents didn't take OPs attitude with me when I was growing up, it would have driven me away. As it is, I am in a well paying job and am a highly productive, engaged member of society. I get that OP is frustrated but she just seems to harp on her daughter's bad points.

Fish and chips in a cage doesn't sound much fun - really hope thats a typo 😉😅

I don’t think I have to be honest. It’s not about harping on about bad points it’s about being realistic and trying to make sense of a tricky situation. Sorry for reaching out and getting the perspective of others. That is what this sort of forum is about in my opinion. I’ve had differing views but that’s all helped give me things to think about it. Healthy debate is fine.
My daughter is not going hungry and she is lucky that I can send her money just like that. Some families wouldn’t be able to. We still have a mortgage and bills to pay. When I was her age my parents would never have been able to give me any money. I paid for myself through uni by working and student loans. I bought my first car and paid for my first foreign holiday at the age of 20 (my first time abroad!) with no spending money from my parents. My daughter is much more fortunate than I was as a young person growing up. I’m happy to be able to.
Anyway rant over 😂

Well, that's you. Surely that's what you want to work and earn money for, to be able to give your children a better start in life? I'm sorry but some of the comments (not just yours by any means!) have really been a bit Four Yorkshiremen. Growing up, most of my family friends were treated very generously by our parents, and it hasn't done us any harm.

I don’t think Op has nitpicked or criticised. She hasn’t said told you so (but is no doubt thinking it)
Op could see exactly what was going to happen - run out of cash and mooching off friends. I’m sure Op will bail her out so she doesn’t starve.

Because her mum paid for her travel insurance, gave her €150 and is now giving her £30 a day for food. Her daughter can’t be arsed to get the breakfast which is free which would save money for at least one meal.

if I was an adult, even a young one and my mum gave me all this money I’d be so so grateful that she was helping me. This girl seems to fritter her money away and just expect everyone else to pick up the pieces.

Id be disappointed if I gave my kids a few hundred pounds for a holiday to help them out and they didn’t even thank me. But they wouldn’t dream of wondering why on earth should be they be grateful when given a gift.

@ThisTealLeader your daughter is treating you like a mug and clearly expected you to back down and send money.

This needs to be a lesson learned for her. Ask her to account for every penny she has spent so far, then send her £20 a day loan to cover food and water.

If you bail her out she will never learn. She isn't unsafe. She is just missing out on luxury activities.

I feel for the OP, as her daughter sounds immature and vulnerable. But not giving her money or not enough is not going to teach her a lesson, it will put her in a vulnerable position. Whether that is accepting drinks from men they don’t know or drinking non-consumable ‘alcohol’. I wouldn’t be putting my child in that position if I could help it.

Op has contributed €150 and travel insurance.
My dd went abroad after her A levels. There were conversations in months leading up. She researched it and showed me what they were booking. They decided on 6 nights as more affordable than 7 nights etc. I did contribute. She had a nice holiday and didn’t ask for any bail outs.
That’s very different to setting off half arsed and expecting your mum to bail you out.
Realistically mum will need to bail her out but I wouldn’t be sending a large amount of money in one chunk.

You made your point the first time around.

OP, she would feed herself on 20e a day, but with 30e she definitely will. But this will need her to be savvy. Some cheese pies/ baguette and a bottle of water for breakfast, souvlaki and a can of coke for lunch/dinner etc.

The problem is she hasn't gone with a budget mindset. Greece isn't the cheap beach holiday it used to be unless you really do your research and make proper efforts to do things very cheaply. The beach clubs will be a huge lure to her and her friends, but they are very pricey... It doesn't sound like they are up for towels on a public beach with a cheap umbrella and supermarket snacks, and instead have opted for the venues with DJ's, plush sun loungers and sunbed service.

It sounds like whatever you send, she will spend anyway. Thankfully, it is only a week.

I made what point the first time around!?

I think you are being generous with 30 a day but i know you want to make sure she doesn't starve ( which she won't do if she went to breakfast) . She is damn lucky you have the money to send to her.
Going forward you need to insist that once she is home she has to fund her own travel, social life etc. You need to be tough now or you will still be bailing her out 2 decades from now.

Lol. Might be safer if there's a shark outside

Just seen updates. How has she spent her and your money in 2 days ? Tho the trips may be the reason why

boat parties etc easily £50

I was going to suggest you send her some money each day as if send in one she will spend it and ask for more

yes you want her to have fun and enjoy the holiday but also to understand they she needs to budget and work towards wanting nice stuff

if she’s paid for b&b. She needs to get up and eat the breakfast part

how many have gone away

I hope your dd’s friends are happy to go down to that budget. Otherwise she could see herself alone. And this is the conversation you should be having with her, not ranting on about how lucky she is.

She isn’t sensible. There is no comparison as it’s unfair to compare what it was like for us as kids. I ran out of money when abroad at 19, because my train home was delayed. It was shit and a guy ended up buying my friend and me a sandwich each. I wouldn’t want that for my child and would always send more money.

The budgeting conversation will be best after the holiday. Some people need to learn by their mistakes.

Well if she was at a place that cost 54 quid to enter, she’s clearly spent more then 30 a day.

did she really have the 200 of her own?

Don't send her any money!! You already gave her $150. Now she has to budget and if she ends up not being able to do stuff it's a lesson for her. She'll still enjoy herself.

Give the girl some money. Is she working hard at college? Is she nice? Who is responsible at 18?
If she's good. Give her some money and tell her to enjoy herself.

Yes I think it’s the party/events things that have done it.
There is 6 girls I believe, I only know one of them.

I think so.

She should be grateful because she is 18, has never done paid work, has scrounged off her friend, and taking this piss out of her mother whilst doing so.

And now, after blowing the money, obviously having had a word from the friend her mother (the one she has no respect for!) has bailed her out.

Other people have gifted her a free holiday, she needs to either find her own source of income are stop with the ingratitude.

A parent being clear eyed about their children’s “behind the curve” maturation is not not-picking. You may jump to her defence at the minute, but if you were open to hearing it, you might find out that your own parents were equally clear-eyed about you at the time.

The thread title is about whether the daughter can afford the holiday, the answer is obviously no, and yet she is still there at other people’s expense. And you don’t even think OP is owed a Thank You.

She’s had 150€ when she left on Saturday, £20 sent to her for food in the airport and another 30 sent today. All her toiletries bought for her before she left and insurance. I think she’s done ok.

@ThisTealLeader
I think my worry would be that if your DD’s friends are wanting to go expensive clubs or trips etc and they can afford to do this, they are not going to be happy sitting in the hotel room with a sandwich and drink from a supermarket so either your DD will get left behind, or she’ll be finding some one willing to pay for her, and then getting herself into who knows what trouble.
Rather than sending her a blanket £30 per day would it be better to find out from her what her actual plans are and what that will cost - and then loaning her that amount money so she is able to stick with her friends?

Il not saying that she is deserving of more, more concerned for her safety.

She is not a girl. And yes plenty are responsible at 18.

The lesson has to be in the moment or she wont be able to connect with whats happening. OP can still send a small amount of money but the conversation needs to be had with her, its parenting. Once she's back the moment is gone, she needs to work through what she is doing right now. Particularly for ND kids, she wont be able to reflect in retrospect her mind will have moved on.