AIBU to think my daughter cannot afford this holiday abroad?

[ThisTealLeader]

Daughter (18) has booked a holiday with friends abroad, didn’t tell us the full amount and then lied about how much spending money she has. They are going bed and breakfast. She will have less than £200 spending money for a week’s holiday. She has used savings to pay for the holiday.
She is saying that her friend will be lending her money if she falls short, which she will I am sure.
My point is she is not being sensible with her money. She only works one day a week and so she cannot actually afford it and hasn’t thought it through.
I think she needs to cancel as it is irresponsible in my opinion to be going abroad with no backup. As far as I am aware she hasn’t booked travel insurance and is reluctant to do so as this will eat into her spending money.
Would like people’s thoughts on this?

Yay! Great stuff. Hope she has a fabulous time.

Hi @ThisTealLeader

Seems like it's playing out just as you feared!

She's already saying she "can't keep relying on her friend", so how much has she ACTUALLY spent herself and how much from her friend?!

I would send her a small daily amount as a LOAN, eg £30, but no more.
Remind her that this is exactly the situation you feared, and her response was to laugh at you.
There's a chance then that she might learn something from the experience.

If you have contact details for her friend I'd be tempted to message her to say that you won't be repaying any money that they lend her, that will be up to her to repay. Otherwise you might find they expect £100s from you because your DD told them you'd sort it out!

I'm actually shocked at the posters saying you should just give her a load more money - that would be teaching her completely the wrong message.

So she has to spend 5 days by the pool and at the beach, and she can't get drunk every day. Oh dear, how sad, never mind...

Oh dear. It’s so predictable. You knew what was going to happen but she wouldn’t listen. Her account will show her spending.
I’d not rush to send money. Say you’ll help her look at what she’s spent but if she’s saying she’s only spent $90 you gave her $150 plus her wages she’s ok for money.
Do you speak to friend/have them on social media or snap chat (they often come up as a friend suggestion if my dc is with a friend)
To be honest I’d consider contacting them and saying have you been lending dd money, and pay them back and a bit more so they can pay for her without being out of pocket.

On a interailing thread, the suggested budget was £100 (or €100) per day, and that had to pay for accommodation as well!

My DD’s very sensible 18 yo friend has just got back from holiday. She told dd she spent around £500 for a week. She already had her accommodation paid.

I think this is a reasonable amount if she’s got to buy food and maybe go somewhere like a water park etc. I’d be sending her around £70 a day.

The last thing you want your dd doing is not being able to go to the restaurant with her friends in the evening and wandering the streets aimlessly while they do that. Or starving herself and getting an eating disorder.

Shr could be picked up by dubious guys or all sorts of alone. As I said a few posts back, I’m the mum to a vulnerable daughter.

Right now, the priority is to protect your child. Not to give her a lesson in hard knocks.

Insist she picks up cheap insurance. Aside from that leave her to deal with the consequences of her decision.

I wonder if she's not counting things like entry tickets and is just thinking about food/drink? Something isn't adding up.

Do you really think she's spent the whole £350 already, or do you think she's panicking about running out of money?

This. My DD17 is not sensible, she has AuDHD so the lesson would be on her return and not whilst there to make her even more vulnerable.

So teach her it doesn't matter what she wastes mummy will cough up more? Some people

I wouldn’t give her anymore until she accounts for what she’s already spent properly. Saying she doesn’t know where it’s going isn’t good enough and the amount she’s spending is very high in such a short time.

Oh dear.

I agree with pps to send her something each morning. If she said she has only spent 30 a day (obviously not as yo have said!) then I'd send her that. At least you'll know she can eat. It's difficult to try to teach your kids a lesson when they're a thousand miles away. When she gets home will be the time to try to get her to evaluate her life choices so far!

It's the poor girl's end of year trip! The OP is forever sniping at her, it's a bit much. When I went on my end of exams holiday my parents gave me a generous chunk of money.

This is not a teachable moment. As @jeaux90 said, the lesson is on her return. Making a vulnerable girl even more vulnerable is irresponsible.

Many 18 year olds do fund their own holidays. I would never have received money from my parents for a holiday (we were not rich) so I worked and saved and budgeted for it.

the problem here is that OP is giving this girl money and she’s borrowing off her friend and she’s just spending and spending. Op has paid for travel insurance already. If OP gives her £30 she’ll spend it, £50 she’ll spend it, £100 she’ll probably spend it and demand more.

difficult one though. She’s not learning anything and is expecting everyone to just hand her money while she fritters it away. However, leaving her abroad with no money is dangerous.

Poor girl? Maybe she should've saved up a bit of money before planning it. And it's only the privileged that get end of school trips

What about all the " poor " kids that go straight from school to jobs even if only summer ones before uni

So send her £20 a day to eat and make sure she pays it back on return.

I can't imagine £20 is going to go far on a Greek island though? A quick Google suggests £45 per day.

Its not mean to go far . It's meant she can afford to eat . Even if it's stuff from supermarket

It's not to pay for her to enjoy herself, it's to stop her starving. she's already gone through £350 in less than 2 days

If she's says she's spending £30 a day then that's the amount to send her each day IMO. She's probably just forgotten to include the costs of all those expensive wristbands, trips and events she's paid for! You're right not to agree to fund her party lifestyle, hopefully having limited funds will limit her alcohol intake a little.

My first thought when you described her was possible ASD - three years behind in emotional maturity is not uncommon. Just another possibility to throw into the mix. The impulsiveness and poor organisation definitely could suggest ADHD.

I feel for you OP!

I think that was a supermarket rate? I'm not saying this is good, but I don't see how @ThisTealLeader will benefit from sending £20 per day.

So say “I can send you £30/20/whatever per day, would you prefer in one lump to last you the week or per day to help you budget?”

Thanks for all the advice, some constructive some not so. After some backwards and forwards have agreed to send £30 per day for remainder of the holiday to help her out and ensure that she doesn’t starve.
I said that I’m going to do a TikTok video of me saying to her you can’t afford the holiday and it ends with the screenshot of her bank account with 25p in it (which she sent me) playing the saxophones just keep getting louder.
If you don’t laugh you will cry! X

Honesty OP if DD wasn’t profusely grateful for your suggestion of £30 a day, I’d lower it to £20. That’s enough for food per day on a holiday and I’d bet anything that even if you sent her £30 a day, she’ll ask you for more everyday.

I’ve said no more, I will send it and don’t even think about asking for more. She also isn’t getting up for breakfast which is stupid in my opinion as she could be down there getting her money’s worth of food, as she is bed and breakfast. I’m gonna ring her tomorrow at 9am her time saying get out of bed, get down to breakfast 😆

It will not cost £30 a day for some lunch and dinner and bottles of water in a supermarket. My son went to crete last year and had fish and chips for €6.50 and that was in a cage