AIBU to think my daughter cannot afford this holiday abroad?

[ThisTealLeader]

Daughter (18) has booked a holiday with friends abroad, didn’t tell us the full amount and then lied about how much spending money she has. They are going bed and breakfast. She will have less than £200 spending money for a week’s holiday. She has used savings to pay for the holiday.
She is saying that her friend will be lending her money if she falls short, which she will I am sure.
My point is she is not being sensible with her money. She only works one day a week and so she cannot actually afford it and hasn’t thought it through.
I think she needs to cancel as it is irresponsible in my opinion to be going abroad with no backup. As far as I am aware she hasn’t booked travel insurance and is reluctant to do so as this will eat into her spending money.
Would like people’s thoughts on this?

Nobody is saying it's impossible to spend that much. They're just saying that you don't have to. And I suspect a bunch of 18-year-olds travelling on a budget wouldn't. They'll loaf around at the airport spraying each other with duty free perfumes, drink a can of Monster and dick around on their phones and chat for during the flight. When they get to their holiday destination the chances are they'll be eating nothing but McDonald's and crisps.

I certainly don't think £200 is going to last the OP's DD for a week, but I do know that when my nephew went to Zante with his mates, he fully admitted that they basically lived on bags of chips and most of their evenings were spent strolling up and down chatting to girls outside bars rather than actually buying drinks etc, and most of the alcohol they drank was cheap supermarket beer and vodka that they shared rather than drinks in bars and clubs.

Maybe you could reward her completing her course; some spending money and insurance for her trip.

She needs travel insurance, not that they'll pay out mind when she has an accident drunk, but she should still get some. I wouldn't be telling her to cancel, just lend her a bit of money with the agreement she pays you back over however long. She isn't going to be eating out at nice places or spending the evenings sipping wine in fancy bars, they'll be eating food from the supermarket or fast food, and going clubbing (but pre-drinking on the cheap before they go out). They'll spend the day lazing about hungover. They won't actually need loads of money.

This girl "only works one day a week". She's at college four days a week. Hardly making no effort.

She's learning to drive but "won't pass".

She wasn't mentally ill in post one but merely "irresponsible"...now she has learning difficulties and several mental problems as suggested by responders...to the point one called this child they don't know "horrendous".

She has a bunch of loving friends she somehow managed to cobble together despite being many such and such negative things.

I smell narrative manipulation. Something I'm suspicious the 18 year old is plenty used to.

Nevermind, OP, you've got a 12 year old male saint to fall back on.

Some commentary I came across a while back popped into my thoughts on this one, "Isn't it sad, how girls often seem to find their mothers to be their first, worst and most vociferous hater".

Oh give over she’s 200 quid for one week people live on less, it’s very doable it’s nearly 3o quid a day

Not quite as hurtful as the way you talk about and judge your own daughter and the golden child u0 your son.

Yes, and sadly that’s fhe case here. And as much as she may dispute it, I doubt the ops many female friends.

it is life 360 Sorry it's an app where you can see where people who've shared their location with you are. My son went travelling for months and downloaded it so I could see where he was Or rather where his phone was. I'd read too many stories about young people going missing and then and police not really knowing where to look. I didn't actually use it that much 'cause he text pretty frequently with pictures of what he was doing but it did give me a little bit of peace of mind.

I have read your updates and understand why you feel that way, but I also hope you can take a step back and try and let go of some of the negativity. It’s understandable as she hasn’t been easy, but she’s 18, you can’t stop her. She’s going with more sensible friends, it will be good for her to have some independence. It’s a good experience and a right of passage IMO. Get her some insurance give her £200, tell her to have a nice time. It might help your relationship to not be taking a negative stance for a change. She’s going to have to grow up eventually, and hopefully she will mature, she’s going to colleague and working, concentrate on some of the positives as you want your relationship to survive these difficult years

I can see you are worried but if you stop her going she will remember this for the rest of her life and resent you, I don't think she will think great I learned a good lesson. If you buy her the insurance and then let her get on with it - that's on her. Have a word like people said, she will roll her eyes etc but I went away with girls at 16 years and it was fun, in fact I wish I'd done more of that and not led such an insular life. You are protective but you do have to let go, she didn't tell you because you'd spoil it or force her to cancel and she really wishes to go. If she is struggling academically then this may boost her confidence. Buy her the insurance and bite your tongue, it's too late for her to earn more money but you could lend her some money and she can sell stuff on vinted or work it off when she's back,. Maybe she is a bit naive, head in the clouds but you are only young for a short time! Let her go!

I doubt OP will do that. She is determined to demonise her daughter. I only hope she doesn't expect any form of elder care in a few decades.

Yes the fact she would rely on her friends to sub her shows she knows there is no way her parents would even help.

thid young woman is alone, no family support, and her mother wants to ruin her fun and rip her down, her own child.

I know, it's depressing.

I actually think the op should pay the parents of the friends any owed costs because it is not fair they pay for the ops daughter .

I’d pay for her insurance and let her learn from the rest of it.

She'll need this because otherwise insurance isnt always valid, they expect you to seek health care via your GHIC card first if required.

If she was my daughter I’d buy her travel insurance and give her a bit extra spending money

Id buy her the travel insurance and some spending money 🤷‍♀️

Why are you be so against her going?

Nailed it.

I would organise some travel insurance for her at least, I couldn't rest if I thought Dd was abroad without insurance, I would also give her some spending money if I could afford it. She's only young and she's got years ahead to be sensible with her money, cut her some slack but make sure she knows it's a one off

I'd be worried too in your particular circumstances.

Are her friends definitely good friends who look after each other? If they're not rock solid friendships, I'd try my best to dissaude her from going. My sister went on a post A Levels trip and one of her 'friends' (inverted commas because I don't think most of the group even liked herr that much) sounds very like your daughter. They had huge problems with her, had a massive falling out, she stormed out of the resort on their last morning and the rest of the group just came home and left her there! Unfortunately she didn't have a mum like you seem to be either - her mum didn't give a shit even though the girl was calling them in tears saying she couldn't find her money and didn't know how to get back to the airport. My parents were furious with my sister for leaving her and went out to Spain to collect the girl themselves. That was the mid 00s but I'm not sure holiday islands have changed much for the better.

I feel for you @ThisTealLeader. My DD's behaviour was not disimilar to you daughter in her teens but actually eventually worse due to developing mental health problems.
She was always useless with money, spending cash which was meant for clothes or fares on rubbish so that eventually we used to buy things for her instead. She had absolutely no sense of self-preservation and we discovered at 18 that she'd started hearing voices and was eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia. She left home with a horrible boyfriend when she was 19 because we caught them with hard drugs in her bedroom.
She's now 50 and has led a pretty racketty life, being sectioned a few times here and abroad when she just took herself off, and having serial problems with drugs. Nothing we do to help her is accepted - other than giving her money for essentials, though I limit that because we never know what she will spend it on.

That's not reality, you need cover worth the paper it's written on! Countries are asking people for proof of £1200 in their accounts now on the new biometric system, it's a far bigger gamble now to be that irresponsible! There could be all sorts of eventualities that could happen and require money such as cancelled flights and having to find a hotel etc until they can fly home. People need a decent insurance policy. These pathetic few pound policies are why there's so many go fund mes, they cover virtually nothing.

Dirt cheap insurance is why there are so many go fund mes, they will pay virtually nothing out!

It's foolish to buy cheap worthless insurance policies! That's why there's so many go fund mes!