AIBU to think my daughter cannot afford this holiday abroad?

[ThisTealLeader]

Daughter (18) has booked a holiday with friends abroad, didn’t tell us the full amount and then lied about how much spending money she has. They are going bed and breakfast. She will have less than £200 spending money for a week’s holiday. She has used savings to pay for the holiday.
She is saying that her friend will be lending her money if she falls short, which she will I am sure.
My point is she is not being sensible with her money. She only works one day a week and so she cannot actually afford it and hasn’t thought it through.
I think she needs to cancel as it is irresponsible in my opinion to be going abroad with no backup. As far as I am aware she hasn’t booked travel insurance and is reluctant to do so as this will eat into her spending money.
Would like people’s thoughts on this?

It sounds truly awful and my heart goes out to you, really.

I feel bad for you OP and think people are being a bit unfair with the, "she's an adult, butt out" type of comments. Not least because if things go tits up and she needs bailing out due to lack of insurance, I'm sure it's you who will be asked to get your credit card out (potentially for £1000s), not her 'friends'. I'd make it very clear how non-insured costs can add up and that you won't be forking out for any of them.

If it was parenting why op 12 year old completely fine and why is my 16 year old completely fine.

Thankyou its been a rough road but she is currently in a good place.

I'm guessing Laganas. I doubt it will be a family resort like Alykes.
Despite her behaviour you need to do your best to get through to her the dangers in a party resort.

I think I would text her everything you are concerned about so it’s flagged - and maybe she will avoid some issues.

Talk to her about spiking - it’s rife for rape and theft. She needs to take care of her friends as well.

I think the £200 spends is the least of your worries. I can’t think of anything else to say but ‘prepare for the worst and hope for the best’ - do her friends have your contact details in case of issues?

This is all good advice.

Agree that some comments are unkind. The world is a shitter. You sound like a reasonable parent just asking for some advice. Personally I’d let her go as per above as trying to prevent her doing so may damage your relationship. She is an adult at the end of the day in the eyes of the law but totally get your concern and all of your valid points re money etc

I feel sorry for the poor girl. You obviously judge her and it sounds as if she can't do right for doing wrong. Sort out her insurance and give her some spending money FGS. I was a wayward brat at her age as well. If my mother has been like you we wouldn't have a relationship now.

£400/£500 spending for one person? Why would she need that much?

We take a grand in total for a family of four self catering with a few meals out, activities, food, coffees ice creams etc

She's an adult now, so it's up to her. I agree with you it doesn't seem a lot, and it seems cheeky of her to expect her friends to sub her, but she says the friend offered, and that's between them, not our business. I hope a lot of people don't blame you, or worse that you blame yourself for her money skills, because lots of parents don't teach any and their kids grow up being sensible with it, while others parents do lots to prep their kids, but they're still financially irresponsible.

Does your Daughter have a GHIC card ? If not go on gov.co.uk and apply today, she won't get her card in time but you will have the account number and can print it off if anything happens. Also please photocopy her passport and check who she has put down as NOK.

Kids will be kids. Teenagers teenagers. Adults adults. Everyone is their own person. Sometimes people don’t listen to parents or make different choices due to individuality or illness or other reasons - its not always a direct result of how a person has been parented. Sometimes they like to do their own thing. Just like your rude and unhelpful comments on this thread blaming the OP.

@ThisTealLeader you are not an awful parent at all - sometimes some young adults can be such tough going and pretty hard to even like , however much you care and want the best for them - my son certainly was - he’s hard working, kind, very loveable most of the time , intelligent but he had adult diagnosed ADhD at 18 and he’s lousy with money even at 28 - very impulsive!! But has high standards of expectations .

She sounds very vulnerable, so I understand your worries op. It might be best to focus on what you can or can't do? You can advise against going, but you can't stop her going. You can pay for travel insurance and try to talk through what to do in emergency situations.

You're mixing messages though. If you don't think she's mature enough, that's one thing. But you're saying that it's about her affording it. Truthfully, she could have £1000 and you don't think she should go, so that's the real conversation.

This takes me back to my week in falaraki at 18, ate monster munch buns because I was out of money 😆 that's literally what 18 year old do!

i think I would feel the same as you OP. Sounds terrifying. I bet you won’t sleep for a week!!

I’m not sure what you can really do though other than suggestions already given about photocopying passport and buying the insurance.

sounds really hard to manage especially when she’s not listening or thinking of the consequences.

people asking for positives etc - FFS this is a thread about a tricky situation, not a lovely story about the ins and outs of the entire family! I expect OP loves her daughter - hence the worry - but currently is panicking about a scary situation.

Personally, I would get her travel insurance and also a currency card if you can arrange it. You don't have to put anything on it but at least you can put money on it in an emergency. Short of hiding her passport (do not do that) there is no much you can do to stop her.

As a parent I'd buy her the insurance, for my own peace of mind if nothing else.

Re. spending money that may or may not work out. She's young and learning. Maybe she'll find cheaper options for food than you'd be happy with. Maybe she'll get a few euros or some free drinks/a meal by handing out flyers for a bar or similar, as many others have done before. Maybe she'll borrow some money from a friend and learn a lesson from working to pay it back after the trip. Or maybe she'll run out of money and go a bit hungry for a few days. It won't harm her.

Assuming she only works one day a week because she's a student? I would pay her travel insurance and give her some money towards the holiday.

Just on this. If you are on Facebook I really recommend joining the group ADHD Support Group for Parents of Young Adult Children. You can post anonymously and you will discover that you are absolutely not alone. You will also avoid the "You haven't brought her up properly" comments.

Tbf i’d give her some spending money and pay for some insurance, but thats me.

She should have insurance for medical care but at the very very least she needs to get a GHIC card from the government website. They arrive quickly and are free but even if she is too late for it to arrive, she'll be in the system. This just ensures she could get emergency medical treatment abroad. Personally, I would not travel abroad without insurance.

As she is only 18, I'd be paying for her insurance and giving her some spending money but that may not be your way of things so I get that.

Can't you explain that this will be the last time you help her-and give her a limited top up card to use? She's only 18 and it's a bit harsh to make her cancer her trip. Travel insurance would be non negotiable for my two in this scenario though.

If it was my daughter I'd let her go. Let her learn her life lessons - even if it's the hard way. Most of us do some pretty dumb things when we're young. And it could be a lot worse! BUT I would arrange travel insurance, just focusing on the health cover, and ask her to contribute toward it. And if she doesn't contribute I'd pay for it all anyway.

I agree - and I think OP , who sounds a nice caring but concerned mum by the way, just frustrated , needs to square that in her head and maybe focus on just a supportive chat about safety etc in a way that won’t get her daughters back up - maybe take her for a coffee , give her a bit of cash, tell her you’ve sorted insurance and drop in the ‘keep safe stuff’ -