AIBU to think my daughter cannot afford this holiday abroad?

[ThisTealLeader]

Daughter (18) has booked a holiday with friends abroad, didn’t tell us the full amount and then lied about how much spending money she has. They are going bed and breakfast. She will have less than £200 spending money for a week’s holiday. She has used savings to pay for the holiday.
She is saying that her friend will be lending her money if she falls short, which she will I am sure.
My point is she is not being sensible with her money. She only works one day a week and so she cannot actually afford it and hasn’t thought it through.
I think she needs to cancel as it is irresponsible in my opinion to be going abroad with no backup. As far as I am aware she hasn’t booked travel insurance and is reluctant to do so as this will eat into her spending money.
Would like people’s thoughts on this?

Food, drinks, beers, and magazines for the flight. Easily £50 very quickly gone.

Pay for her travel insurance as it will cost you more if anything happens. Don;t give her a single penny spending money.
Why does she only work one day a week ?

You’re aware you don’t NEED these things, right?

Yes but none of those things are essential. You are choosing to buy those things because you want them. People who are on a budget bring sandwiches and water from home if they are expecting to be at the airport long enough to get hungry, and bring a book with them.

200 pounds spending money is completly fine for a week. Many families have less to live on.
At that age I was doing a while week abroad for that including travel costs! I know inflation etc but still.

I blame the parents. Who's job is it to prepare our kids for adulthood?

In fairness some genuinely do their best and it just doesn't go in, but there are others who simply don't bother ... "Awww they're only young, let them have a childhood" - and then when it all goes wrong look for something else to blame

And on here it's invariably ADHD ...

And thats fine if you can easily afford all that, but you can eat before you get to airport, and take a book from home (or read something on your phone) - its not compulsory to buy all that stuff within an airport!

Also OP, if she does find gerself short of mo ey out there, this might lead to her wanting more spending money generally, so to looking for more hours work, or furthering her education to get a better job - all good stuff😊

How has she not got more by working a day a week. Mine work that or less and have saved a lot. Is she just spending what she earns straight away? She’s also silly to not consider travel insurance, it’s peanuts.

I would buy her insurance ( I have done that for my adult children previously as I know they are reluctant).
I think she could manage on £200 if she doesn't waste any of it.
I think she has done very well to save up as much as she has if she only works one day a week and I would also give her some extra spending money and wish her a happy holiday!

I'd let her get on with it (though it makes sense to buy travel insurance). It's definitely doable to manage a week abroad with £200 spending money, if accommodation is covered, it just depends where you buy food and drink what activities you do. It sounds like she'll learn from the experience one way or another.

Sounds like you've allowed and enabled her behaviour all of her life. What did you expect to happen when she turned 18 to just suddenly know how to be mature & know the ways of the world?
You need to take a good look at how you've chosen to parent her. I have 4 sons. Eldest is 22. He has been to Prague, Japan, Tokyo, Rome, Barcelona & will be in America for the World Cup final -all with his friends / gf not with us.
His first holiday he was the same age as your DD. He saved for months for each one and gave the money to his dad to keep in his safe so he didn't spend it.
Her behaviour and attitude is only a reflection of her up bringing.
And would I fk carry on picking any of mine up from the train station if I got a bollocking for being a few minutes late.

@Ibrox

you don’t need any of that stuff. None of that is in any way essential

if you need food, most people for for a Boots meal deal for a fiver.

She's paid for the holiday herself
I would give her some money and buy her some travel insurance.

Yep my annual one for me and H - ( and in our60s) is £106

She is 18 - it’s up to her to go on holiday and manage or eat bread for a few days. I think you are being overbearing

Nope she can’t afford it but the majority of us have all done stuff we can’t afford at some time or other. Buy the insurance, and warn her about letting friends know where she is and with whom if she goes off without them and have her phone charged up at all times. Oh and bung her 75 euros in currency . It’s amazing how many teens get by on cheap gyros, chips, toasted sandwiches and 2 for 1 cocktails or beer . We tend to think as older adults think money wise and are used to nicer situations down meals, nice wine, going to places we like the look of rather than value/prices , paying for 3 or 4 rather than just ourselves etc and are mentally used to £150 to £200 a day etc if not AI .

Absolutely. That’s so the right thing to do.

christ when I was 18 I was given a few hundred quid that had been saved for me, me and my best friend went straight down the travel agents and booked two weeks in Ibiza. We had a whale of a time, that was nearly 4o years ago. We ran out of spending money and had to live on rations, but it absolutely was a blast, and looking back the right decision.

she’s young, she’s entitled to have fun, don’t stand in her way with a cats arse mouth, bung her some spends, buy her insurance and tell her to have a fab time.

She's 18 but still in full-time education and dependant on her parents. That's quite different.

OP I don't think you can stop her going so I would mitigate as far as possible.
Is it Kavos by any chance? Party central?
I would buy the insurance, make sure she discloses health conditions and gets her a GHIC. I would give her some spending money and some serious talks about drinking/ drugs and swimming pools.
If she was mine I would have paid for the holiday and the insurance.

It's definitely doable to manage a week abroad with £200 spending money, if accommodation is covered, it just depends where you buy food and drink what activities you do

This is all true, @ManchesterGirl2, though if her friends have been sensible and saved up in order to be able to afford more that might create issues

However kind they are it's hard to believe they'd be happy with DD having her hand out every time, and I can't imagine a DD who's been parented as OP describes will be happy to eat somewhere modest while the rest spend elsewhere, so there could easily be tantrums to which mum will cave

And so it goes on ...

I feel for you. If it were just the holiday I’d pay for the insurance and give her a few bob.
However, the stuff over the boyfriend is a real concern. Blaming you for his behaviour must really smart.
She may have issues but she sounds entirely selfish. I know it’s easy to be, I was daft as a brush at 18 but it knew my parents’ rules were the law at home.
Let her go. She may have a wonderful time. She may have drama with her friend and be miserable. It could be a mixture of both.
But £200 isn’t a lot for a week. I was taking that three decades ago.

Zante.

You’re not 18 for ever

I think if she’s going to go regardless then I would do what I could to make sure everything goes as safely as it can for her, so apply for the GHIC card on her behalf, get insurance, and give/loan her a bit more spending money.

And given her immaturity I’d also suggest taking a photo of relevant details of her passport, insurance, details of where they will be staying and contact numbers for a couple of her friends. Hopefully none of this will be necessary, but if she is determined to go then you want to keep her safe.

She’s obviously been through a hard time and perhaps a holiday will do her good.

If my 18yr old was going away for her first friends holiday I’d be buying her travel insurance and giving her at least £200 for spending money!