AIBU to think my daughter cannot afford this holiday abroad?

[ThisTealLeader]

Daughter (18) has booked a holiday with friends abroad, didn’t tell us the full amount and then lied about how much spending money she has. They are going bed and breakfast. She will have less than £200 spending money for a week’s holiday. She has used savings to pay for the holiday.
She is saying that her friend will be lending her money if she falls short, which she will I am sure.
My point is she is not being sensible with her money. She only works one day a week and so she cannot actually afford it and hasn’t thought it through.
I think she needs to cancel as it is irresponsible in my opinion to be going abroad with no backup. As far as I am aware she hasn’t booked travel insurance and is reluctant to do so as this will eat into her spending money.
Would like people’s thoughts on this?

Realistically, £200 will be gone in about two or three days. It's completely unrealistic to think that would do for a whole week abroad. I think she'll need £450 to £500.

Agree!
my first solo travel was at 13 to Paris. Popped me on a plane, exchange family picked me up at other end.

at 20, I went to live in Brazil.

my DS, now nearly 21 went off the Serbia with the lads a couple of years ago, I was nervous.

I got him travel insurance, got him an e-sim so at least he had data so could call/navigate if he needed to, and off he went

they had a blast! Went on riverboat trips, museums, ate out in local traditional places, shisha bars too 😂 I was so proud of him.

would I want HIM to go to Brazil or somewhere far from me at his age, hell no, I’d miss him terribly, but would I stop him? No. I couldn’t cos he’d only be doing what I did.

and fwiw, 40 odd years on, I’m still proudly bi-lingual and it’s opened so many doors throughout my life, or at least given me a CB that was memorable so that I’d get an interview

Leave her be OP. She's probably going to have a brilliant time even if on a shoe string and if money is uncomfortably tight then she might learn from it this time or it might take a couple more trips to sink in.
I once slept on a beach in Sicily with my friends because we budgeted for the wrong number of nights at a hotel and all ran out of cash. We had to split a twix bar six ways for breakfast! It was daft and a bit uncomfortable, but nearly 20 year on, the memory still makes me smile.

So she will learn. It's a learning experience.

I would buy her insurance though. It will be dirt cheap and you will have peace of mind if she needed medevaccing or something awful.

Her friend might be laughing and joking now about not letting your DD starve, but dealing with her poor behaviour with money and general dipsy ways is going to get old very quickly. I hope she doesn't end up losing a good friendship over it.

Perhaps one of the reasons she's so immature is because you won't let her make her own mistakes and learn from them?

If she goes on holiday and runs out of spending money, her mates will have to sub her and she'll have to deal with that situation. Then next time she goes on holiday, she'll know better. That's how this stuff works.

I understand that you don't think she's mature and responsible enough, but the fact is that she's an adult now and you can no longer decide for her whether she goes on holiday or not. I totally understand why you're worried, but unfortunately there's nothing you can do about this.

I think it’s important to remember that, in an abusive relationship, it’s very likely her ex has said this. Abusers always deflect and blame anyone but themselves. Shes still young, and hasn’t seen enough of the world to understand that HE is solely at fault. Particularly if he’s been manipulating her for some time.

I realise it's annoying but please can you sort out her GHIC/EHIC card and travel insurance? If she needs to see a doctor, she'll need both of those. Also it's worth keeping a copy of her passport and other documents. Can you perhaps put a daily allowance on her card so she can't spend it all on day 1?
I do know this sounds controlling and it's not meant to, just as back up and hope for it all not to be needed.

If she was my child I'd probably give her some money but she is 18 so there's not a lot you can do about it, either way 💁

Either make her take out travel insurance or pay for it yourself - because you know that if she is hospitalised whilst away, you're not going to say "sorry, can't help you".

I can understand why you are worried but I'd honestly buy the travel insurance and let her and her freinds work it out between them when there. They obviously want her to go and she can owe them money instead.
I know you'll be worried sick though until she's back home.
I'd not want her to cancel though as 1. The money has gone and won't be refunded, and 2. She'll be in a foul mood and hold this against you for ever so let her go and learn her life lessons.
She does sound like there could be some nuerodivegance going on somewhere though combined with teenage lack of thinking things through. Particularly if her aunt is similar. A diagnosis, and if it's ADHD, medication, may help her cope with life less chaotically moving forward so she doesn't end up with mental health difficulties like so many undiagnosed women.

@1989STAR

eh?! Why would she spend £50 in airport? Who does that?!

I'd say that is pretty normal for any 18 year old

@Kokonimater

eh?! So is OP supposed to pretend her daughter is sensible and mature when she isn’t?!
get a grip

I blame the parents. Who's job is it to prepare our kids for adulthood? Has she ever travelled with you and you all got insurance?

I can see why you're already stressed I would do the following.
Buy the travel insurance/ insists she has live 60 and it's turned on/ give your mobile numbers to at least two of her friends so they can contact you if necessary/ expect to have either move some money into her account while she's away or pay back her friends on her return. Just get the holiday out of the way before you give any mental space to the other things. At least it's a week not a fortnight!

Are people really this mean with their kids? I’d treat her to the hol if it was my daughter

@Hellzbellz25

check your privilege…not everyone can afford to do that.

also it does young people good to have a part time job and work for their treats - gives a sense of mastery , accomplishment, motivation etc

YABU, and you not allowing her to be independent is exactly what makes her “vulnerable”.

She needs these life experiences in order to learn and make something of herself. Not keeping her at home - how is that going to help?

Give her some spends, pay her travel insurance and let her grow up.

Agree, everyone is different, and its perfectly possible to spend NOTHING in an airport! I've never spent anything like that amount in one, even with 2 DS in tow😁. Also, to eat v cheaply whilst abroad.

"Buy the travel insurance/ insists she has live 60 and it's turned on/ give your mobile numbers to at least two of her friends so they can contact you if necessary/ expect to have either move some money into her account while she's away or pay back her friends on her return."

Its v much a side issue, but whats 'live 60'? Tried looking on google and the only thing I found was gut probiotic capsules😁

What? Are you for real? Everything in an Airport's scandalously expensive, to say nothing of the cost in the diners and public bars. I'd say spending £50 in the Airport is optimistic.

I find it fascinating when people assume it’s impossible to just… not buy things??! Just because they, having the money, choose to buy things they don’t really need, they think it’s impossible to take a proactive, responsible approach to spending. It’s a fascinating insight into other people’s psychology. I spent my 20s travelling on a shoestring and rarely spent anything at all in the airport. I usually brought sandwiches and a bottle of water from home if I was expecting to be there long enough to get hungry. I also had holidays where I subsisted mostly off of supermarket food, with just one or two nice restaurant meals, and we still had a ball because the fun came from being with friends and being abroad.

@Ibrox

i am for real, yes. It’s perfectly possible to spend nothing in an airport! What are you buying that costs that much?!

My bet is she’ll have a massive fall out with her friends.

Id pay her travel insurance and let her find out the rest the hard way