AIBU to think my daughter cannot afford this holiday abroad?

[ThisTealLeader]

Daughter (18) has booked a holiday with friends abroad, didn’t tell us the full amount and then lied about how much spending money she has. They are going bed and breakfast. She will have less than £200 spending money for a week’s holiday. She has used savings to pay for the holiday.
She is saying that her friend will be lending her money if she falls short, which she will I am sure.
My point is she is not being sensible with her money. She only works one day a week and so she cannot actually afford it and hasn’t thought it through.
I think she needs to cancel as it is irresponsible in my opinion to be going abroad with no backup. As far as I am aware she hasn’t booked travel insurance and is reluctant to do so as this will eat into her spending money.
Would like people’s thoughts on this?

All things aside - your attitude and opinion of your daughter is absolutely horrifying. Thats your child.

There’s nothing you can do to stop her going - but there’s lots you can do to make sure she is prepared. That’s what a mother does.

So you buy her insurance.
You speak to her about staying safe, staying together, take photos of passport, ensure you have friends numbers and they have yours, you get the flight and accommodation details and then you send her off.

When she's home you start treating her like an adult - why isn't she helping with laundry, food, tidying her room? This should have all started 10 years ago.

In the words of "Clinton Baptiste"
I'm getting the words"Spoilt Brat"

Not only did your daughter not tell you about the holiday but she's lied to you about how much spending money she actually had available at the time. If you hadn't pushed, your daughter wouldn't have admitted the truth.

Your daughter is very immature, and with the possibility of ADHD/BPD I can understand why you are so worried. She has zero sense of responsibility, incapable of budgeting/looking after her belongings etc.

OP, I would buy decent travel insurance for her and a bottle of sun screen. I would then send her on her way with the £250. I suspect she's fully expecting you to give her further money.

No, she can't afford the holiday, you know it, and so does she really. Once home, she'll need to save for her car insurance again, make it clear, you won't be paying.

Her friends will realise how much support your daughter truly needs, very quickly. If she spends all her money early on and they need to bail her out, I suspect their patience will wear thin. Your daughter is going to have to learn 'friend management' whilst away too. There's no Mum to pick up the pieces.

I think you’d be surprised at how little money you can survive on at 18. I went backpacking at 18 free breakfast at the hostel of bread roll , butter and jam. I’d walk to a supermarket and buy some fruit and a pasta salad pot for tea, lots of walking, only going into free attractions. If she isn’t drinking (probably wise) she could easily survive on less than £10 a day food wise.

Definitely get insurance it’s super cheap at that age. I’d definitely buy her a policy if I was OP.

My dsd is 19, she has adhd and she always ‘forgets’ travel insurance so I do it for her as otherwise I’d spend the whole times she’s away panicking. It’s never expensive at all.

My DD was very similar at 18. I was a nervous wreck on her first holiday with her friends but she got home in one piece! She will manage. €40 a day will buy a McDonalds, snacks and a few cheap drinks. It’s not the end of the world. I’m sure her friends will be in a similar tight budget and the less she has to spend, the less booze she can buy (assuming she’s a drinker).

She absolutely needs travel insurance!!

After reading everyone comments I think will consider paying for the insurance and nothing else. In my opinion she has to learn and the way she is acting just shows to me that she is very immature still

A wise decision, OP, and I do agree with PPs that her friends may be less than pleased to find they're expected to fund their own holidays and hers too

I realise ADHD is the instant go-to with many MNers, but before leaping to armchair diagnosis it might be worth considering how much of this is down to hher being constantly feather bedded. If she's old enough to travel like this she's old enough to get herself places without thhe constant lifts, to do more work in and outside of the home and to contribute more to the household, so personally I'd start there

Buy her travel insurance, make sure you can transfer money if needed. Help her out. Criticism isn’t helpful.

Im getting the words undiagnosed mental illness

Fair enough..I was capering
Didn't intend offence.

If she's anything like my daughter they wear you down over the years and completely break you so it does effect your attitude and opinion towards them just like it would any person who repeatedly has yet another drama you have to rescue them from as they repeatedly put themselves in dangerous situations.

She'll probably lose all her money if she cancels and anyway, she's probably looking forward to it. Personally, I'd buy the travel insurance. I've done this in the past when my sons were younger. It's important they know travel insurance is not optional for their own good. And you can get a 1-week policy for about £5 so there is no way my kids were travelling without it.
Maybe she isn't very sensible, maybe she doesn't have enough money but that's how they learn. If she only needs to buy food she's probably ok anyway. It'll be an experience for her.
I'd focus on the positives. She has worked and saved up the money to pay for it. Lots of people her age these days, don't even manage that.
Something, I think is important with young people who are inexperienced travellers though. They should feel confident to contact you when things go wrong. Don't be so hard-nosed about not supporting the trip that she doesn't feel that's an option.

Right this is ridiculous. This is why she’s a nightmare. Drop the rope. She cycles or bikes to work/ college. She pays for herself. She pays you a bit of rent. She also behaves like a civilised adult to you and her brother or she finds somewhere else to live. Ridiculous that you’re letting someone of that age bully a child. She’ll end up in prison if she does that to someone else.

Let her go on the holiday and see if it all goes to shit. Maybe it willl teach her a few life lessons. Agree with purchasing insurance but other than that just nod and smile. Use this to have a reset when she gets back. And FGS do not buy her a car unless she starts making some changes. If you think there’s drama now imagine how awful it would be if she does something stupid in a car.

Apologies if you felt “unseen” but the key details and context were not given at the start.

If it were my ND niece when she is 18 years old I think I think I would be sweating.

I think the best thing you can do is give an air of support so that should something unfortunate happen she will contact you rather than keep quiet in case you say “I told you so” which is no help to anyone. -

trust me - just book travel insurance for her. The rest she'll have to learn herself. my son just did the same, 2 days in amsterdam, i paid £4 for travel insurance and his return flight was cancelled, he ended up stuck there for 2 extra days

My DS has a ND friend like this. He would take charge of the passports and keep an eye on him when they were abroad as teenagers. Get the insurance, ask a reliable friend to keep her passport. Have her bank details to wire emergency funds if needed.

Perfect

She sounds similar to my 16 year old. We tend to scaffold things for her. Id need to help pack, tidy room, buy what she needs, organise her money, it’s exhausting.
I would probably end up helping out financially for my own peace of mind. And I’d sort the insurance and help her to understand the risks in being away. The amount she has will hardly see her through the airport. Are there any hidden charges such as taxis or tourist tax to pay on arrival?

My son just went away with the boys (18) and organised him self, but he spent £1300 in a week, he didn’t economise at all but he had the money saved. A very different situation.

Are you not able to give her a bit of spending money and cover the travel insurance?
I see an occasional holiday with friends as being as beneficial as a holiday with school during teen years, its a big life experience.

I understand why you are worried. But why are you letting her drive? Why will you buy her a car? You kept saying she hasn't passed her test yet, but she will pass because it's easy at that age and she will really want to do it.

She will then be in charge of a car. You have stayed how irresponsible she is many times in this thread. And yet you are going to buy her a car.

This is where life lessons are learnt the more you bail them out, the longer it takes for them to realise their choices have consequences. With the benefit of hindsight I would:

1. Pay for travel insurance whatever she tells you, with so limited budget chances are she won't buy it and this is a must.
2. Wave her off with whatever advice you think that she will probably ignore but make sure she knows she can call no matter what 24/7
3. DO NOT sub her the money. Once it's gone, it's gone and unless she calls crying in serious shit, she'll have to learn this lesson the hard way. Maybe slip in a few packs of super-noodles to keep her going😁
4. DO NOT pay her car insurance when she gets back - she'll just have to wait/earn more/suffer the consequences.

From mum of now fully functioning & decent 21 year old who was previously a challenging & utterly disastrous teenager

As a pp said - buy her travel insurance and sun screen and wave her off.

I would pay for travel insurance because in the end it’s for me - I wouldn’t want to have to stump up thousands.

She’ll be eating a lot of bread and drinking a lot of water I imagine.

OP that's such a worry. I am not sure you have much of a choice but to let her go and try to implement some safeguards.

Defo get her travel insurance. Can you use revolut of something like that so she has money on a card and you can see the balance and add money if needed?

My DD 18 is just back from her first holiday abroad with friends. They are all very sensible and dont drink much. They had a budget of about E40 per day in Spain. My DD gave me some cash and I put it on my revolut card with more money from me and she used it.

If not I would be inclined to give her a small amount extra say £50 and let her borrow from her friend after that. I think this will be a life lesson for her, as previous posters have said, her friend will get very annoyed if she ends up funding the holiday for her and has to mind her.
I would pay the friend back then on the quiet so she isnt out of pocket.

I have some involvement with girls with BPD and this is the type of behavior they display, they dont see the consequences of their actions, act impulsively and immaturely and think everyone is there to serve their needs. I dont envy you being in this situation.