AIBU to think my daughter cannot afford this holiday abroad?

[ThisTealLeader]

Daughter (18) has booked a holiday with friends abroad, didn’t tell us the full amount and then lied about how much spending money she has. They are going bed and breakfast. She will have less than £200 spending money for a week’s holiday. She has used savings to pay for the holiday.
She is saying that her friend will be lending her money if she falls short, which she will I am sure.
My point is she is not being sensible with her money. She only works one day a week and so she cannot actually afford it and hasn’t thought it through.
I think she needs to cancel as it is irresponsible in my opinion to be going abroad with no backup. As far as I am aware she hasn’t booked travel insurance and is reluctant to do so as this will eat into her spending money.
Would like people’s thoughts on this?

Me too 😂 my parents always would have done

I think your missing the point. We like to eat and shop at the airport etc but can afford to do so. I was responding to a poster who asked how someone can spend £50 in an airport. I was just stating it's easily done.

I can really see why you are worried OP but realistically can you stop her from going?

My DS(18) went on his first ‘lads’ holiday last summer, as their flight was delayed they decided to forgo dropping bags etc off at the hotel, got out of the transfer bus and went out on the town with all their stuff. DS being DS was the one who lost everything (thankfully except his passport which he was wearing in a cross body bag).

I would say, get her some travel insurance & make sure she’s got a cross body bag for when she goes out. Start a group chat with the other girls Mum’s so if something goes wrong you will know or at the very least make sure you’ve got the other parents contact details. Try and have a chat with DD about staying with her friends, keeping her passport in the safe at her hotel, only taking out her card OR her phone not both. Oh and take a photo of her passport just in case.

She does sound very immature. You yourself said she has some mild additional learning needs.
I’d personally pay the fiver for her travel insurance and give her €50 a day. I’d make it clear it wasn’t a blessing, that she has mismanaged, but that you aren’t prepared for her to go without and to mooch off of her friends.

She's 18. What can you actually do?

Tbh, given your description of her, I’d be much more worried about her driving a car than going on a week’s jolly with her mates. So she’s not responsible enough to go away with her friends but she is to drive a car?

Maybe give her a pre-loaded card for emergencies; with the proviso that if she uses it she pays you back.

Probably nothing but my point is she is still reliant on me and her dad for most things. She doesn’t do her own laundry, cook, help out in the house. Constantly fights with her little brother to the point where it gets unsafe for him to be around her when she is in a mood. We take her to work and back (15 min drive) and to catch the train to college (10 min drive). If we are on there on the dot to collect her we get a mouthful.

She hasn’t passed her test yet. Her instructor has the patience of a saint!

That's on you as a parent. Young adults don't know everything. They learn along the way. You speak incredibly negatively about your child. She's 18 - heaven forbid she prioritises going on holiday with her mates at that age.

If you're worried, buy her some cheap insurance, give her some spending money instead of a Xmas present and let her have a great time.

Thousands of 18 year olds go on holiday with their friends. Most of them have an incredible time. A very small percentage will lose their purse or break an ankle but you live and learn from life's experiences. She's going with sensible friends which helps. You can't hold her back from life.

Insurance is a non negotiable. I would give me daughter spending money to enjoy her first holiday but make her pay it back … but I am a bit of a soft touch!!

edited to add - she is only 18. I was an idiot at 18.

OP my DD17 has AuDHD, she is emotionally immature and there is absolutely no way I could trust her away for a week. I really really feel for you.

Why is she only working one day a week?

TBH in those circumstances, and assuming she's generally a good kid, I'd have bought the insurance to make sure she had some, probably toppped up the spending money, if she's managed to save the rest of the cost, and would be prepared to bail her out in an emergency.

Things will be different now (hopefully) but when I went to Magaluf with friends at the same age, I barely spent a penny because boys were falling over themsleves to pay for us 😳

sounds like the holiday away from you will be educational!

She sounds immature , buy the insurance and if you can contact a sensible friend but make it clear that you dont expect them to babysit your dd just if trouble arises about anything at all that they contact you straight away no questions asked. Let her go , she sounds somewhat secretive hiding the boyfriend trouble and keeping the holiday secret , it's a difficult age for some trying ro be grown up but also needing a lot of guidance

She's only 18 - not many 18 year olds are sensible with money or would give up the chance of a holiday with friends.

Yes she's being unrealistic about money but I would be paying for travel insurance for an 18 year old and also buying them some Euros as a gift. This holiday could be something that helps her to mature as well as gives her time apart from the ex.

I’d tell her she hasn’t got much of a budget so be very careful with her money and as a parent I would insist that I would pay for travel insurance if she can’t afford it.

Same! Probably give her a free lift to the airport to.

Reading all your updates I can totally see why you’re so concerned.
I think you’re going to have a rotten week worrying about her but this could be seen as a learning experience.
She will have to manage her safety, she will have to manage her money and she will have to manage her relationships with her friends. It may well be a wake up call if you can hold your nerve.
You won’t be able to keep her at home forever, at least this is something she’s doing with friends.
And if nothing else, you, her dad and her brother get a break.

At this age, she will now likely learn more life lessons from
her sensible friends than from you. The best thing you can do is buy her the insurance, bung her £100 and say good luck and enjoy. You may find travel matures her, because living at home clearly hasn’t, in your estimation. I have an 18 year old who is currently solo travelling further afield and he’s matured rapidly as a result. You have to encourage them to spread their wings and learn to fly without you.

Perhaps you could help her with some money and sort out the insurance? Like most nice parents would, my parents would have. First holiday abroad is a big deal.

I would chalk this up as life lesson

You'd be far better off talking to her about currency, how to manage money, encouraging the friends to have contact numbers of each other parents, copying travel documents and buying insurance than encouraging her not to go. She's clearly going regardless of your opinion. While I'm all for 'you've made your bed, now lie in it' tough love I think it's shocking you're going to let her sponge off her less well off friends to teach her a lesson. She'll learn nothing but entitlement. Loan her £300 and agree she pays you back £20 a week or something.

@ThisTealLeader oh me that last bit about the ex being nicer to her if you'd let him in the house and that being the reason he assaulted her.
Her rational would definitely be a worry.
Time she got her head out the clouds and join the rest of us in the real world.
You've certainly got your hands full.

As regards the holiday her friends may get pissed off babysitting and giving money that's meant for their own enjoyment.

Even better give a card to her trusted friend so when she starts needing money the friend doesnt need to cough up. Don't tell her, she'll be into it before she gets through duty free!