AIBU to think my daughter cannot afford this holiday abroad?

[ThisTealLeader]

Daughter (18) has booked a holiday with friends abroad, didn’t tell us the full amount and then lied about how much spending money she has. They are going bed and breakfast. She will have less than £200 spending money for a week’s holiday. She has used savings to pay for the holiday.
She is saying that her friend will be lending her money if she falls short, which she will I am sure.
My point is she is not being sensible with her money. She only works one day a week and so she cannot actually afford it and hasn’t thought it through.
I think she needs to cancel as it is irresponsible in my opinion to be going abroad with no backup. As far as I am aware she hasn’t booked travel insurance and is reluctant to do so as this will eat into her spending money.
Would like people’s thoughts on this?

I don't think you are going to be able to stop her, especially as she has an adult passport and everything is booked.
It sounds like it is hard to talk things through with her but can you look at the cost of things even here in the UK and point out that even a cheap meal is at least £10 for example and then if they go out drinking that will be a further amount. Will she be able to save money before she goes?
Also depending on when she goes I think they are bringing in some visa type thing that's around £17-18 so she will need to check if she needs to pay for that.

I think she will also need to understand the consequences of choosing a holiday for her savings. If it was intended for a car that has now gone as you cannot buy her one if/when she passes.

Maybe this will be a good lesson in life for her when she realises that she has wasted her money on a holiday that she might not enjoy if she has to stay in when her friends won't pay for her and that she doesn't have much to show for it at the end.

I think the suggestion to have her do jobs around the house for payment is a good one. Then again I’m torn because equally think she needs to learn how to be more responsible and if you fix this for her, she won’t learn. Having her friends cover her back isn’t good practice though, even the best of mates will grow tired with this and feel used.

I feel for you, it must be tough. We class 18 as the beginning of adulthood but many 18 year olds are still inept babies.

If they are b and b they can have a big breakfast and snacks/gyros/salad for rest of day. Greece can be relatively cheap. Just buy her travel insurance and maybe offer a small amount of pocket money(whatever you might otherwise spend on her that week) then make sure she has a ghic card which is free.

I think you need to relax. She's 18, this is her first big adventure. Buy her some travel insurance and then cut the apron strings. She'll learn as she goes, and she won't be on her own. She has sensible friends.

I think my DD has less than that for her holiday with friends next week. She is on our multi trip insurance. She is staying with a friend so I guess it’s cheaper but I am worried about her freeloading too but she’s 19 it’s her life what can I do? I have offered her to do some house chores for money but so far not taken me up on it. She knows I will not be bailing her out.

When I was 18 I went on holiday with friends. We hadn’t budgeted properly at all and it was hilariously daft of us. We ended up making pasta and sauce in our hostel for dinners and making packed lunches from our breakfast 😂.

it was a bloody good learning lesson!

If she's vulnerable to wandering off etc then make sure her friends at least get her to share her live location with them even if not with you and get a contact number for a friend as well.

If she cancels, she won’t get the money she paid back. So that’ll be her trust fund money lost.

She's going whatever you think
She will be ok and have a fab time with her mates.
At the very least I would take out and pay the holiday insurance for her

There seems to be a plethora of MN posts at the moment where the OPs seem annoyed at their children living their lives. It's being presented as "protective concern" but as the threads progress, and the OPs continue to respond (or not) it sounds more like resentment of their children.

Last year 18yo DS missed his flight home from a holiday in Europe - he had to buy another flight home himself 🤷‍♀️ his mistake, he had to pay for it. He didn't make that same mistake this year🤣🤣

Point being, leave her to get on with it. It is good for them to trip up themselves and not have mummy picking up the pieces. They need to learn from their own mistakes.

Wave her off with a big smile 😀

This is my point exactly! You have certainly hit the on the head. No sense of consequences and hoping everyone else will bail her out. I know it’s not fair on her friend to pay for her. We are in a much better financial position than her family that’s the irony. We could afford to give her £1000 if we wanted as she has kept saying but the fact is she has done this without talking to us about it and thinks we will just bail her out. She keeps saying that we are rich, we aren’t rich just comfortable and manage finances well.
We only became aware that she is going away on Monday and she goes on Saturday.

People have suggested jobs around the house, that’s joke. Her room is a tip! She can start with cleaning that.

After reading everyone comments I think will consider paying for the insurance and nothing else. In my opinion she has to learn and the way she is acting just shows to me that she is very immature still.

If she cancels and therefore loses the trust fund money, will you replace it?

No why would I? The money’s gone.

She Is desperate to go. By all means talk to her about affordability etc for future plans but please don’t dissuade her.

Please make sure she has insurance and a GHIC card:

https://www.nhs.uk/using-the-nhs/healthcare-abroad/apply-for-a-free-uk-global-health-insurance-card-ghic/

If she ends up in A&E, I’m sure you’ll end up paying.

If you have an annual policy or on your bank account she’s likely to be covered on that, my dd is until 23? As long as a student.
I’ve read your updates. It sounds like she’s operating at a much younger age than chronological and vulnerable.
Fo you know friends she’s with? If you do I’d try and make sure they know they can message you if they need to if your dd is in trouble.
I’d be concerned too. You often don’t know people until you are away with them there’s a possibility the friends don’t know how much support she needs.

Have you checked that it is still valid if you are not travelling with her? My DD had to take out her own insurance for holidays without us as the multi trip insurance was only valid if the policy holder was also traveling.

After reading all your updates OP, I can see why you are concerned. Your daughter may be 18, and legally an adult, but she's not in her behaviour or emotions. I'd agree with others she possibly has ADHD/BPD, and this makes her vulnerable. She's irresponsible, incapable of managing her own money/passport/budgeting and is likely to put herself into unsafe situations.

No, she clearly can't afford to go on the holiday. She's used savings meant for her car insurance to pay for a holiday, and has insufficient funds to take with her for spending money. £250 isn't going to get her very far.

She's also hidden all of this from you, until the last minute, because she knew really, that she can't afford to go and you'd be cross with her. How she chose to handle this aspect of the situation in itself, shows how immature she is.

Realistically, how can you stop her from going? She's 18, she can pack a suitcase and go regardless if you agree or not. In this situation, I would ensure she has more spending money and buy decent travel insurance for her. Make sure she has enough credit on her phone.

Unfortunately, your daughter doesn't see what you see. Her friends are likely going to realise very quickly that your daughter is a liability, because she's going to need someone behind her all the time. That's going to annoy them, no end. Having an odd sleep over when younger or going out in the evening with your daughter, is very different to being in her company 24/7 for a week. The differences between her and her friends will become apparent to them.

I'd probably pay for the insurance and leave her to it as far as spending money goes. Make sure she has an EHIC card or whatever it's called now. (Not read the whole thread)

It’s a bloody week in -guesses-Benidorm! Hardly life shattering if she doesn’t go! Maybe missing out on this (not) holiday of a lifetime will shake her up a bit. She could always not go, work a bit more and have a better holiday next year. I certainly wouldn’t bankroll her!

I just thought because you’d be the one encouraging her to cancel, meaning she’d get nothing for her money, when she wants to go on the holiday and therefore getting something for her money.

Well if you think it’s a recipe for disaster buy her some travel insurance then at least she will be covered for accidents ( maybe)

If you can afford it please buy her travel insurance - worth it for your peace of mind and to avoid the HUGE costs should anything be needed. Up to you whether you sub her spends but the insurance is a MUST.

£200 is enough if she budgets, I’ve never spent £50 in the airport even travelling with dc (I make food before leaving home and take a water bottle that a refill after security). You can get cheap food for about £20 a day, perhaps less and as it’s b&b eat lots of breakfast and skip lunch (apple in your pocket from breakfast). Do pay for travel insurance though, best £10 you can spend. Yes she’ll run out of drinking money no doubt but she will be getting food each morning from her hotel at least

Thank you so much, I feel seen!

Everything you have said rings true. If she had managed the situation differently I would not be so cross about it. It was only yesterday morning she said that she had £300 spending money. I didn’t believe her. It was only when I pushed and asked to see her bank account she showed me and there is £100 in her current account and £25 in her saving account, she’ll get paid on Friday about £100 and that’s all her money.

She also said yesterday the reason for ex assaulted her is because we wouldn’t let him in the house due to his behaviour. If we had been nicer to him then he would have been nicer to her apparently. So that’s the kind of thing we are dealing with!