Is this mum’s message the right way to go about things?

[Finishdinnerliedownsleep]

Received a text message off a mum from school, have spoken a few times, say hello, all friendly and ok. Her Ds and my Dd are friends, Dd often tells me people are mean to him in class and I say to always be kind to him and to stand up for him if she can.
In the message the mum says that her Ds spoke to her after school and said my Dd told some boys to hit him, which they did and then the assistant told them off. She said she wanted to know what her Ds had done to deserve this and why my Dd thinks this kind of behaviour is acceptable and that she wanted him to have a nice day but is really upset because of my Dds actions.
Dd is at her friends and will be back later, so I will speak with her to find out what happened

To me, this is personally not how I would approach the situation if it was the other way around and I would enquire, rather than accusing and find out what happened first

It’s made me feel sick as I hate confrontation, we’ve never had anything like this before

Omg are you serious? How can you say the OPs daughter is not a good friend, they are 7 year olds! and they are normally good friends. They are kids and kids can have off days and relent to peer pressure, doesnt make her daughter a bully which you imply!. What i would do OP is be honest message and say you have spoken to your daughter she is really upset and is really sorry and advise that she speaks to the other parents involved as well as I am sure they will want to speak to their children about it as well.

I always say that everyone's first reaction isnt always their greatest...mine included so ill be honest I would messaged the same, our first thought is protective mode for our kids and alot of us think of our kids as being perfect...oh my child would NEVER do that...so unfortunately whilst your feeling attacked shes feeling angry

She's 7 years old and followed the crowd - even at that age you know that if you don't go with them then you could well be the next in line. The question really is where the fuck are all the teachers while this is going on? This poor kid is being horrifically bullied by a high number of kids it seems and the school are doing almost nothing.

I would tell the mum that you are very concerned about what your child is telling you and would be willing to accompany her to meet with the school to discuss what you have heard from dd about the way her child is being targeted.

Is her DS autistic? This sort of targeting of a single vulnerable kid by a group often seems to happen to children with ASD unfortunately.

After my DC has been bullied this year and not wanted to go into school anymore, cried every night and felt he had no friends, I would be making sure you really clearly share with the mother how disappointed you are in your child’s behaviour and that there will be consequences.

Your reaction and some of the others on here is exactly why I went through the school and the parents were called in and the bully supervised as they knew (and said to me) that he was bullying in a very sly way. He was also telling other not to play with DC, calling him names to others when DC wasn’t even around and constantly on at him about intelligence. The school finally saw it when the bully was doing it in the classroom too! I was livid but I also know people don’t want to believe their perfect darling could do something so horrible.

The one positive is your child has admitted it.
It’s pretty awful to be joining in with others bullying. I bet this poor child has been having this happen to him for a while.
Just reassure the parent that you know it’s awful and will support reporting to the school - another child reported what the bully had said about my DC to the teacher and other parents reported to me and I asked them to tell the school so it was all logged. It also led to other parents telling me their child had also been bullied by this same child.
Hopefully, this is the first time your DD has gotten involved but I’d make it crystal clear that if she does it repeatedly and targeted then she is a bully and her consequences will be severe.

Exactly the problem with society today. Why on earth is this a school problem? Why can't parents talk to each other, build relationships and show their children how to behave? Who is raising your kids if not you? Stop shifting responsibility on to 'schools' all the time, it's crap parenting and I'm sick of hearing this.

Personally my child would be grounded, and made to apologise to the boy. I'd apologise to the parent and let her know that I'm on her side.
I'd also mention it to school, and mention the other children, then maybe they could deal with it and the other parent's kids.

I had to do this once, my daughter was also 7. I found out she bullied one of her friends for an awful reason (her skin colour) because the other kids were and she wanted to join in.
I always said I wouldn't tolerate bullying. Never had a problem since.

Sounds like your child is charming. Obviously enjoying him being an underdog,she is a bully in the making

Fucking hell there are some horrible kids around- I’d be furious if any of mine took part in bullying this poor child. 7 too. How the hell are people raising their kids?

Totally agree. Nit vehavikur tvat can be ignoded

Not if the bully is OP's daughter! I would never think "My child is a bully but I don't want other parents of my child's victims to contact me personally!". Bullying needs to be stopped, and at source if at an possible. I agree that the original message is slightly more confrontational than I would have worded it, but if my child came home and told me another child had bullied them, or encouraged other children to bully them, then I would definitely be contacting the parents! This is why bullying is still so rife in schools! 🤬

I'll bet OP will have something to say if the boy eventually snaps and gives her daughter a black eye.

I am very, very serious. The mum’s job is to protect her child and teach her child how to identify good friends, on top of why he learns at school.

The DD didn’t do something to hurt him
as a one off while they played. She actively encouraged others to hurt him.

7 year olds are more than capable of understanding that asking someone to deliberately hurt another, physically, emotionally, etc is wrong. I would actively be discouraging that friendship and of they have had any play dates, they would stop with immediate effect.

Huge over reaction obviously stemming from what you have been through with you own child but even so, massive over reaction

The other mum absolutely isn't wrong for contacting her. As I said I've been the mum contacted and I was glad to be told so I could do something about it. My post was saying to be careful with her response so as not to try and justify the behaviour.

Absolutely this!

Well said!

I’ve taught my own children from very young age how to value themselves and be valued. Their
school from early on taught them about healthy relationships, being a good friend, etc.
Thankfully, they’ve never had to go through anything like this.
I think it’s a really basic thing that the mum of the bullied DC needs to do and I know my mum friends would think the same.
The low bar you’re going by is one the reasons why bullying is so bad on some schools.

No low bar just being realistic, they are 7 and this was one instance so I dont think there is any need for the dramatics, the child has been spoken to about her actions and has said she is sorry so why the need for overdramatics 🙄