Should I dump my boyfriend because he won't stop eating crisps?

[Spicyseniorita7]

I'm in a relatively new relationship (7 months) after over 2 years of being single with some dating disasters along the way. Everything seems great on paper, he is kind, has a good job that pays well, not bad looking, treats me well and never allows me to pay for anything. For context, I am 28F and he is 32M- we both live separately at present. I would like to settle down soon.

I'm unsure if I am self-sabotaging, but some of his eating/snacking habits disgust me, to the point that I think I've developed the ick. This came to light properly on our recent 2 week holiday-prior to this, the longest we had spent together was about 3 days. He eats at least 3 packets of crisps per day and not the sophisticated type i.e kettle chips, think more Skips/monster munch/Nik naks/cheesy wotsits/space raiders. He doesn't wash his hands after eating the crisps and requires prompting to do so. This often results in him having disgusting synthetic crisp dust all over his fingers and fingernails.

Even more disgustingly, after he's finished with a packet, he arches back his head and empties the remnants of the crisp crumbs into his mouth. It's almost as though he cannot bear for a single scrap to be wasted. But the most disgusting is sometimes, after finishing a packet, he will blow up the packet like a balloon and pop it. This has resulted in me being sprayed with crumbs. I've also found scrunched up crisp packets wedged behind his bed, almost as though he can't be bothered to walk to the bin.

We recently went on holiday to Spain and it was mortifying-he didn't try any local food and just wanted to eat British food, McDonald's and crisps. We went to the supermarket and he loaded up the trolley with crisps. I haven't said anything yet, he is keen to start looking for a flat to rent together, but I just can't help but thinking I would prefer a man who doesn't eat over 3 packets of crisps a day and doesn't smell like pickled onion Monster Munch or cheesy wotsits. Is eating all of those crisps a dumpable offence?

He's clearly a monster. 👹

When I read this thread yesterday, I thought gosh, the whole tone of her posts is that she despises this poor guy. Wonder why she’s with him?

I come back today and all is clear.

He’s not vile. You, on the other hand…

I think you just have fundamentally different attitudes and priorities - for a person who values health, fitness and self control/restraint, eating three packets of crisps a day is not acceptable. I would find this revolting as it is greedy and lacks self discipline. It shows no care for the body.
It is greedy. Also not eating the local food on holiday is parochial.

It’s a bit like tattoos, I feel the body is beautiful and there’s something fundamentally wrong with the idea of enduring pain in order to deface it. Someone with lots of tattoos just fundamentally doesn’t share my values and priorities so I wouldn’t go out with them.

But eating together is a fundamental part of family life. If you value food, cooking and family meals, it clearly won’t work to be married to someone who only eats crisps, chicken nuggets and frozen pizzas.

Are you sure he doesn't have arfid or some kind of eating disorder and these are safe foods?

What are they then?

At the end of the day if you're going to be with someone for the long term then you're going to find things that annoy you about the person. It's basically guaranteed. Doesn't matter who you choose

I notice that in your list of his qualities you list them out like a product feature list. I didn't hear anything about what the actual nature of the relationship was. Does it feel like you have some fundamental compatibility..or if not compatibility then a dynamic that makes you want to be together.? What is that other than someone to pay for stuff?

What I hear is product features. And now a fault on the product has emerged and you're wondering whether to return it to the manufacturer.

I have news for you.. the next product you select will also have faults. They may not involve crisps or lack of adventurousness for foreign cuisine. But it will sure enough end up being something else. Possibly something dar more serious that doesn't emerge till later like controlling tendancies.

I'm not saying you should 'settle' for a slob.. but it sounds like he's not in most other respects.

I'm saying that you might want to reflect on what it actually is you're wanting from a long term relationship.

Due to consumer culture I do see more an attitude of treating a partner like a list of product features. I guess it makes sense. But that's isn't going to work . And I think it's why king term relationships are begining to die out.

I would suggest you take the sage advice which is that after the period of infatuation/ limerance which lasts from a few months to a year or two you will be confronted a human being with faults and stuff that annoys you and this will cause conflicts

So it sounds like you've hit your first one. Some of these.. .like the lack of interest in cuisine may be what John gottman calls perpetual problems. They cannot be solved but managed and you ultimately decide you can live with. The crisp eating habit may be a solvable one where you raise it. It may just be a habit he's had from being single and can change.

I was a smoker when I met my partner.i realised ultimately she wasn't keen on it. And I learnt to stop. That was actually a massive trust building thing for us.

Maybe try not attacking him but raising it with a soft start up such as 'hey you're a really great guy in so many ways but I noticed you eat crisps like a wild beast .lol. I know we all have our habits but I was wondering what's that about? I gotta be honest I do find it a tiny bit gross'. Etc

My partner of 17 years rarely reads books and I don't really like that lack of inquisitiveness. But she has many other qualities and we share many other things and I love her. There are plenty of things that annoy her about me. As she once joked near the beginning where I ended up loosing something.. 'you're definitely human and a bit of a weirdo but I love you anyway'.

The crisp eating wouldnt bother me. The dirty hands and crumb spraying and the not picking up after himself would.

Id try asking him to not be a scruff before I sacked him off

You are living in the wrong decade. Your posts read like rage bait. You should pay for yourself.

You have the ick and are not compatible. You would both be better alone or with other people.

I would dump him as he probably won’t live very long with a diet like that 😂😂

You can break up with someone for any reason

Best comment ever!😎

Oh absolutely - if someone’s habits annoy you, you should definitely try to change them by bringing it up 🙄

Although it might be a good idea in this situation to give him the chance to leg it and find someone who isn’t expecting to be financially and domestically supported .

I don’t care if someone considers themselves a foodie or whatever - I do laugh at the way they look down on those who aren’t obsessed with food.

My food list is limited because of my ND. I’m sure you would hate me for that. it’s not performative, it’s not narrow minded but by all means assume otherwise. I won’t eat what half of MN considers normal foods.

Because of attitudes like yours, I don’t go out to eat ever with friends even though I don’t think they are judgemental.

But family meal times are about being together while we eat in my house, what we're eating doesn't really come in to it.

Nice 🙄

😂Ah man, "... me being sprayed with crumbs." I was laughing so much already and this finished me off. Thanks for that. Holy shit, get him dumped yesterday. That is not a man. That is a child. I do occasionally eat crisps and I do dig down into the corners for the last crumbs ahahha but that's a habit / probably an anal thing at this point. But eating that many packs every single day?? And all the extra stuff, blowing up the bag??

You don't sound too bothered anyway, more like you're just sick of being single. Trust me, this won't be his only bad habit. Strongly advise having him stay at yours and vice versa for a few weeks each way to figure out other annoying habits.

It's worth a conversation if you do see a future with him. Tell him you get the ick because it reminds you of a kid in your family / a friend's kid and see how he reacts. If he is responsive to feedback, he might actually be a keeper.

Eeeew

Sounds like all you're seeing is £ signs and not a grown man who is woefully inadequate in the life skills department who would rather scarf down bag after bag of crisps rather than watch a 15mins tutorial video on how to prepare a quick easy meal.
This will be the man you depend on during pregnancy and post partum. I hope you crave crisps! Good luck.

I don’t think you’re grasping the whole “Tradwife” thing. It’s his job to pay for everything, take you on nice holidays and spoil you. It’s your job to tolerate any unsavoury (or in this case, savoury) behaviours. That’s the deal. He can be a slob and shower you in crisp dust, and you have to smile and tell him he’s a god because that’s what he’s paying you for.

Bloody love Discos

The Macdonald’s when abroad would do it for me

He sounds like a complete slob. Dump him immediately.

@Spicyseniorita7 I think you need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture here.

You’ve described a man who is kind, treats you well, has a stable job, pays for things, wants a future with you, and has been consistently good to you for seven months. That’s not easy to find.

If crisps or the type he eats, the way he eats them, or the fact he likes familiar food on holiday, are enough to overshadow all of that, then I don’t think the issue is his habits. Why haven't you asked him to tighten up on his hygiene before letting it become a deal breaker? I think the issue is that you’re not actually ready for a long‑term relationship with him.

Everyone has quirks. Everyone has habits that aren’t glamorous. Living with someone means discovering all of them. If this is genuinely a “dealbreaker” for you, then it’s a sign that you’re not compatible, not because he’s doing anything awful, but because you need a partner whose everyday habits don’t repulse you.
That’s not a moral failing. It’s just reality.

But it is worth being honest with yourself: If this is the worst thing about him and it still gives you the ick, then you’re not ready to move in with him, and you’re probably not ready for this relationship to progress.

Better to recognise that now than move in together and resent him for being exactly who he already is.

Seeing kettle chips as sophisticated is brilliant proof of the power of good marketing.