Should I dump my boyfriend because he won't stop eating crisps?

[Spicyseniorita7]

I'm in a relatively new relationship (7 months) after over 2 years of being single with some dating disasters along the way. Everything seems great on paper, he is kind, has a good job that pays well, not bad looking, treats me well and never allows me to pay for anything. For context, I am 28F and he is 32M- we both live separately at present. I would like to settle down soon.

I'm unsure if I am self-sabotaging, but some of his eating/snacking habits disgust me, to the point that I think I've developed the ick. This came to light properly on our recent 2 week holiday-prior to this, the longest we had spent together was about 3 days. He eats at least 3 packets of crisps per day and not the sophisticated type i.e kettle chips, think more Skips/monster munch/Nik naks/cheesy wotsits/space raiders. He doesn't wash his hands after eating the crisps and requires prompting to do so. This often results in him having disgusting synthetic crisp dust all over his fingers and fingernails.

Even more disgustingly, after he's finished with a packet, he arches back his head and empties the remnants of the crisp crumbs into his mouth. It's almost as though he cannot bear for a single scrap to be wasted. But the most disgusting is sometimes, after finishing a packet, he will blow up the packet like a balloon and pop it. This has resulted in me being sprayed with crumbs. I've also found scrunched up crisp packets wedged behind his bed, almost as though he can't be bothered to walk to the bin.

We recently went on holiday to Spain and it was mortifying-he didn't try any local food and just wanted to eat British food, McDonald's and crisps. We went to the supermarket and he loaded up the trolley with crisps. I haven't said anything yet, he is keen to start looking for a flat to rent together, but I just can't help but thinking I would prefer a man who doesn't eat over 3 packets of crisps a day and doesn't smell like pickled onion Monster Munch or cheesy wotsits. Is eating all of those crisps a dumpable offence?

'Tis another self-entitled, modern day brat thread.

The only red flag here is -you-. I hope he runs a mile. Snowflake.

At least he tried crisps in a different country! Ha.
If you are going off him, you're going off him, no matter the reason, you're allowed to and don't have to justify it. However, don't set up home together after 7 months, that's insanity and more disturbing than the way he eats crisps...

If you really do want some sort of tradwife relationship then definitely don’t move in with him before you are married! Why would you even consider it? You’d be providing all the “wife” services for free with no security or protection for the future.

Are you happy to cook for him, clean for him, pick up his crisp packets, and gently try to encourage him to eat vegetables for the rest of your life? In which case crack on. If not maybe have a rethink about what you are looking for in a relationship.

This. All of this.

What the fuck, it is like we are actually going backwards.

@Spicyseniorita7 you've used the word 'disgusting' in one form or another four times in your first post. That, plus he's 'not bad looking' and 'never allows me to pay for anything'. For his sake, please break up with him. He can eat what he likes, and hopefully get himself a girlfriend who isn't disgusted by him but thinks his money is a consideration. Poor man.

@Spicyseniorita7 I'm not meaning to be horrible here, but it just sounds like you don't really find him very attractive, but you're at the stage of life where you'd like to settle down so are trying to convince yourself to overlook it!

I'd end things with him - there will be something better out there for you!

You don’t seem to like him very much, so you’re not unreasonable for dumping him.

I do think you need to have a think about what actually matters for the long term - spend a bit of time on mumsnet and it becomes very obvious that finding a man who will be a good dad and supportive husband is not a given, and a tolerating a few packets of crisps might be a small price to pay.

It would give me the ick too! Tell him and give him a chance to change if he wants to.

Oh. Now I see. But your traditional values are a wee bit one-sided, are they not? Why should he use the washing machine, if he's providing for you? I have a fairly conservative/ "traditional" lifestyle myself. I don't disagree that while I'm growing, birthing, and bringing up babies, my husband should be earning enough to support us, and I'd be pretty pissed off if he wanted to split any "parental leave" equally too. On the other hand, although he knows how to use a washing machine I don't expect him to actually use it very often, because that's my job.

You sound like you're using "traditional values" as a euphemism for laziness and avarice. And you also sound a bit controlling, and a bit disgusted by your boyfriend. Neither of which, by the way, would be considered "traditional" among any of the women, or men, I know.

I also thought this was much more a red flag than a green flag.

As an aside, I wonder who's ick will win out... Your crisps ick, or hopefully his ick about the fact that it sounds like he pays for everything? (By your own admission)

Hard agree.
I have ARFID and eat a very restricted diet. Doesn’t mean I’m uncultured or someone to be avoided. I’m not stopping you eating whatever you want.

Yes dump
You don't want to risk any future children having the same eating issues
Do you want him doing that in front of your children,and him giving them the same amount.kids copy what they see
Believe me ..pick very carefully who you have children with ..
Kids copy what they see

it t would be ok if its kettle chips? ok then

finding a man who will be a good dad and supportive husband is not a given, and a tolerating a few packets of crisps might be a small price to pay

If that's the deal they guy needs to be told: "I'm not that keen on you but I want kids." because starting a lifelong relationship with someone who isn't exactly right is going to make at least one of them miserable and he needs to know that's the arrangement. ...and if she thinks telling him that would put him off then there's the answer right there.

I fear it's more common that we think and probably explains the sky high divorce rate.

Also completely agree with this. I have eaten brains and tripe and all sorts else, and I also find people judging other people's food choices is almost always just a variation on snobbishness. Which it most definitely is for the OP. Kettle Chips would be ok. For god sake.

He shouldn’t have to change, it’s hardly a crime eating crisps is it

Rubbish.
I have a very restricted diet. My DH will eat anything. I’ve made a very conscious effort to ensure DS has a wide and varied diet and doesn’t copy my food issues. He’s now 11 and a very adventurous eater.

Obviously it's completely up to you what you prioritise in a partner. However, I would imagine some of the men who are expecting you to pay your way would actually be great partners that you're missing out on. If two people who are both in paid work go out for dinner together and one of them expects costs to be split fairly then that doesn't mean that they wouldn't be fully prepared to pay for everything/share their earnings if you were off on maternity leave raising their child - that's how a good partnership works.

My husband does that with crisps. I think noting of it. I think you should finish it as it seems like he grates on you. No point in wasting both your lives on this.

This sounds really off putting . I mean I love crisps . I don’t have a sweet tooth but I could eat crisps all day if I allowed myself . A bag a day is one thing but 3 bags is just too much . There is something just grim about it , he clearly doesn’t give a shit about his diet if this is what he is eating every day .

I don't know, I think I'd judge someone who eats three packets of crisps a day, even without the associated bag popping etc. Eating 21 packets of crisps a week enters "purposely sabotaging your health" territory, in my opinion. Same as someone purposely drinking to excess. Even if they were Kettle chips.

I went out with someone who used to crack open a massive bag of crisps as we watched TV in the evening, just because. Straight after we'd eaten dinner. Just seemed like greediness to me.

I think I've developed the ick
This is all that matters OP. Whether he's eating crisps or caviar won't make a difference. Once you get the ick it's over.

I would be wary. In my experience the guys who talk about 'traditional values' like to contribute to finances and only finances. If he doesn't clean up or cook now he never will. And that might be okay at the moment but it will break you when you have a kid. The realisation that you have been looking after another kid all this time won't be fun.

Sometimes the ick is just the ick. This time I think it's your subconscious warning you that he is not a good future prospect

At first I was on his side let the poor bloke enjoy his crisps haha!

What would be a hard line for me would be refusal to try new foods especially when travelling. I grew up in an Italian/British home/family so I understand that my tastes were already a little broader than some. But I find it really quite infantile for grown adults to refuse to try new foods and it definitely would give me the ick. I think maybe the bigger picture here is that you aren’t 💯 suited to each other. It’s going to be a bigger issue than just the crisps. Eating out, travelling and cooking are big parts of relationships and having someone to share these things with is important in my opinion.