AIBU to think the teachers were unprofessional about my son's lunch?

[SonnyHoney]

My 16-year-old son went on a biology trip today. He's currently doing A levels. He took a portion of fried mince (seasoned) and rice that he made yesterday with him. It was a fairly large portion. He is underweight and has been bulking by eating lots of protein and carbohydrates.

He said that both of his biology teachers put him on the spot for a good few minutes about his lunch choice. They were laying into him about how he needs more fibre in his diet and they didn't pick on anyone elses food. He is actually quite a shy lad, and he finds it hard to stick up for himself against adults.

I told him he needs to stick up for himself, and he said it was very hard to stick up to his biology teachers. Which I do understand as mentioned he is a 16 year old lad, and they are two women in their late 30s. He says that one of these teachers in particular is always picking on him. Other people in the class have noticed it as well, supposedly.

Am I being unreasonable to think its highly unprofessional for 2 teachers in their 30s to put a shy lad on the spot in front of all his peers and make him feel uncomfortable about his food choices for several minutes.

I've been a scout leader, and I'm now a guide leader and I'd never treat a teen like this.

It’s you who needs to read the post if you think it says “Your lunch will give you cancer “.

Sorry to be that person - but I’d be very concerned at rice being taken on a school trip and therefore being at room temperature for a prolonged period

Theres a bacteria present in rice which grows rapidly when it’s at room temperature called bacillus cereus

I very much speak from experience and I’m not kidding but I almost died from food poisoning as a result of it - I had been throwing up for days and ended up vomiting blood - lots of it. Literally throwing up constantly and (sorry for the description) but had literally just blood mixed with god knows what other body fluids coming out of my bottom.

I lived alone, in my early 20s, and my parents had to take me to hospital as an emergency. I was admitted to hospital. Had I been left a further 24 hours, not sure I would have made it.

Yes, report them, make it very clear that you think they're being unprofessional, their behaviour verged on bullying, and other students have witnessed this bullying behaviour in the past.

Here's what will happen next, the matter will be investigated, other students will need to write statements confirming your son's account, and if they don't, your son will be considered a liability to someone's career. Hopefully, there will be two additional teachers who can take over his education as his relationship with the original two will be totally compromised. Of course, if your son can prove all of his (so far unsubstantiated) allegations, then the teachers will be disciplined. Let's hope it goes his way, otherwise college is going to be very uncomfortable for him. Much more uncomfortable than someone saying 'what you go for lunch today then?'

You've only got one side of the story here. Maybe they were making a point about nutrition and your DS took it the wrong way. Maybe write to the head, chair of governors, MP, the police. Or tell your son to ignore it as its not the worst comment he will ever hear.

You know you can get chilled blocks to keep packed lunches cool right? They’re incredibly common and well used for packed lunches. OPs son might have kept his food chilled

Come on. He's 16. My guess is that they were just chatting to him, possibly ribbing him in a nice way about his lunch choice. Just like you might with a colleague at work eating the same thing.

People need to learn to chat! Don't take this so seriously!

Sounds like they just picked the wrong child to have an idle conversation with really.

But with a mum who feels they were laying into him’, ‘picking on his food’ and implying it was the ‘worst lunch in the world’, they definitely made the wrong call

It really isn't the teachers' business once they are in 6th form!

What are you trying to say? That they had an underlying meaning?

Perhaps so, but their judgement in this case in their approach was seriously flawed. Yes, if they have lots of evidence that the child has a consistently bad diet then raise a concern. This was a poor call from both teachers on this case, and highly unprofessional. Hope OP reports them both

Was he telling them that he’s bulking or anything?

I can’t see why anyone would think it’s acceptable to comment on someone’s lunch.

I’ve known kids to have a can of energy drink or packet of digestives.
We might gently ask if they’ve got other food but we would never put them on the spot or embarrass them.

His meal seems pretty healthy compared to most pack lunches.

The only thing I wonder if is he said he’s bulking and they were just giving their opinion of good things to eat.

I think they were BU because although it wouldn't be very healthy to eat that exact meal every day, they have no idea what else he eats - and it was all nutritious anyway, but just sugar and E-numbers.

It world be nice if he felt able to defend his choices, but it's hardly unusual for someone that age to be shy about doing so. I wouldn't actually make a complaint, but I would try to boost his confidence by telling him that they were being nosy and he doesn't have to follow their advice.

The goodness or otherwise of his lunch is a red herring.
This is one of those threads where people tie themselves in knots trying to tell OP she is unreasonable!

An A level student should be left alone to eat whatever lunch they like w/o comment from teachers. At this stage in the school year these teachers should have the measure of your son's temperament. Their age is not relevant (if we want to stop ageism in the work place). They are his teachers, it doesn't matter if they are mid 20s or 60s.

What to do? You can really only do anything if your son wants you to.

Is he underweight due to issues around food, or naturally of that build?

Eating unprocessed red meat such as steak increases your risk of colon cancer, by about 17% for every 100g (3.5oz) consumed daily .
World Health Organisation http://www.who.int/features/qa/cancer-red-meat/en/

Most people don’t eat the 30g minimum of fibre that is recommended

This was my first thought too..food safety 🤦‍♀️

It’s not ok really is it? They have known him for almost a year so should have realised that he would probably have been uncomfortable with this probing and scrutinising level of conservation

it sounded pretty awful from the detail OP shared in the second post,

it wasn’t their place and I hope OP speaks to the school regarding their behaviour

it wasn’t their place and I hope OP speaks to the school regarding their behaviour

Gosh who’d be a teacher nowadays when simple conversations can cause such drama.

It wasn’t their place, poor judgement.

NRTFT

I’m a secondary school teacher. When my DDs were in primary school, a parent/MTA commented on packed lunches. DD2 is a mini-me and has never taken crap from anyone, so told me about it. I emailed the school about it. My key points were:
dinner (evening meal) was our main meal and the girls always had a balanced meal then.
lunch was <25% of their daily food intake.
both were top of their class and also great musicians so obviously they weren’t eating piles of crap
both were slim and (DD1 especially) athletic
Please provide details of the MTA’s accreditation(s) in nutrition.

Of course, the parent/MTA had no such accreditation or training. She was just a judgemental busybody.

Push back hard against comments like this. They are utterly inappropriate. When we do school events where kids bring their own food, I never criticise. It’s bang out of order. I might say “ooh, those look nice”, or something similar but never anything critical. I don’t know if a kid has a problem with food, so it’s not my place to comment negatively.

It’s strongly implied - if you sit drinking red wine and someone makes the comment “drinking red wine gives you cancer” it’s going to be hard to take that as general conversation rather than a pointed comment.

Plus, OP has said one of these teachers in particular is always picking on him to the extent other students have noticed. This needs to be stopped.

Give over!

What was their reply?
You do know that people can still do well academically and musically and be slim while eating very poor diets.

None of their business. No wonder young people develop eating disorders