AIBU to continue with this FARCE? (Teens and extracurricular activites)

[paulinepolos]

My 18 year old daughter is currently doing her Gold Duke of Edinburgh Award, yet finishing it has been impossible. She has completed the sufficient Skill, Volunteering and Physical sections, yet to qualify for the full thing she needs to do an Expedition. This has proven difficult. We are registered with an Open Award Centre, which unfortunately is not very accommodating.

They called my daughter up this Spring for training for an Expedition, yet she was placed in a group of 6 private school kids who already knew each other and made for a toxic group dynamic cos she was left out. They did not bother to make meal plans, sleeping arrangements etc. They also were taller and had a greater standard of fitness than my daughter. My daughter is 5foot tall and about 10 stone. She is reasonably fit for a girl her age, swims twice a week and goes for a run on the weekends, yet this Expedition is a totally different beast. She has walked 10ks every weekend with the same weight in a back pack on relatively flat urban terrain near our house with the proper boots, and yet she is struggling to walk, out of breath and has burns and cuts on her feet. The Assessor then says the group is going to the Peak district, which I was not happy about. As of 2023, the DofE website says you can do it in an urban environment, which my daughter would prefer and I would feel better letting her go alone on. I feel unsafe letting her go into the middle of nowhere with kids who are very cliquey and leave her out. The expedition also was said to take place in June, which I think is stupid cos of the risk of fainting, burns, insect bites/stings, heat stroke, especially dangerous using fires/gas stoves. I would rather she goes in the autumn or winter. She also is not allowed her mobile phone, or allowed to see me at any time of the day.

I have now withdrawn from doing this Centre`s expeditions as I do not think they are appropriate for my daughter. I have looked into Private Expeditions, but these are for teenagers who are generally disabled, and use boats or other "cheat" methods of transport which my teen is not happy about using. No where seems to offer urban/suburban/coastal routes with minimum elevation. I then suggested to the centre doing our own Expedition with 3 friends, in an urban environment, and apparently you need a trained and qualified Assessor and Supervisor (not parent or under 18). Sometimes I wonder if its worth doing the DofE at all, the only reason we are doing it is because my daughter received incredibly poor GCSE results in summer 2025, cant be bothered to resit them, and she needs equivalent qualifications to show an employer or give her a chance of getting a decent job.

Any ideas what to do? And have you faced similar?

Well going against the grain here, I do not know what would possess someone to do these DoE things. I see them as fairly pointless to be honest.

I used to be a DofE centre manager and now run a DofE group. The Peak District isn’t a crazy idea for a gold expedition (we run our bronze expeditions there). Unless there is a specific need I would suggest that an urban environment isn’t really appropriately challenging for most young people at good level. June is prime exped season because of the long days and chance of better weather. Autumn is too hit and miss for a longer expedition and we are not allowed to run expeditions in the winter. During the current heatwave participant wellbeing will be every supervisor and assessors number 1 priority, lots of been cancelled the last couple of weeks, others have been modified, shorter routes, less equipment to be carried, starting early - one group I heard about started at 4am, hiked until 10ish, took a long break and then did a couple more hours in the evening.

Completely normal not to see parents or have use of phone during the expedition, the whole point is self sufficiency. It really doesn’t sound like your daughter is adequately prepared in terms of equipment or fitness if she’s having so much trouble with her boots, maybe she needs more time to prepare, she has until she’s 25 to do it. You can look at AAPs, lots of them run open expeditions on foot as well as other modes. I would also suggest not being so dismissive of what you describe as “cheat” modes, personally I’d find 8 hours of canoeing a day to be far more challenging than 8 hours hiking!

I think the OP may be on a wind up here. Or it's a reverse, maybe?

Unbelievable. However, my advice is sack this off, no one's going to give her a job over someone better qualified because her mother forced through gold D of E.

Is she at school or college? If not, or if she is not engaging with her studies, concentrate on finding the right post 16 course for her from Sept. Level 2 courses open the door to Level 3 study/A level equivalent, just like good GCSEs do. Keep the volunteering & skill-building from her D of E going, to help build her CV & experience.

It's hard being the outsider in a group. But knowing she can manage through this will give her confidence and put her in good stead for other challenges.

You mention that she has been training - swimming and running. Where you could get involved is going on hikes with her at the weekends. Pick some hilly areas. Gets to test out her boots, practise map reading and you get to spend time with her. If you aren't fit enough to carry a pack, then do a circular route so you won't need to bring kit.

I did Bronze, Silver and Gold DoE and tbh it was an absolute waste of time. No employers cared about it at all and never asked.

The point about the expedition is that it is hard and takes place in the mountains. Doing it in an urban or suburban environment seems bizarre.

The point re the group is valid but teenagers are not known for their patience. In my Gold group when I did it we had someone who was much less fit than us and after 4 days of constantly waiting our patience has run very thin. I suspect this may have been the case with your daughter.

I seriously doubt a gold DoE is equivalent to any GCSE’s. No employer is going to go oh well she doesn’t have maths and English but she’s got DoE the jobs hers!! She needs to get back to college and do her functional skills!!!!

Why re you putting her through this? She can do an EPQ which carries UCAS points.

I was also wondering what she's been doing for the past 2 years.

I did Bronze, Silver and Gold DoE and tbh it was an absolute waste of time. No employers cared about it at all and never asked.

The point of doing DofE is not and never was to impress employers - or universities. It's about personal development and giving young people a sense of achievement.

You've been given some good advice already.

How has she got burns and cuts on her feet from walking 10km on flat urban terrain? I wouldn't expect that from wearing just normal shoes or trainers, let alone actual hiking boots. Burns?? Can't say I've ever heard of anyone getting burns on their feet just from walking around.

It sounds like she's not fit enough at the moment and the group is not good for her. She has until she is 25 to complete it. Take a year to get fit, get the boots fitted properly, do some walking up hills and in the countryside, practice navigation. Join another group next year that will be different.

To complete gold, she also needs to do a residential. That will also be with new people, a new environment, without you and building her independence, confidence and maybe helping her to think about what she can do with her life and what she needs to do to get there. Which sounds like it could be beneficial for her. While she's getting fit for the expedition, she could look around and get the residential part done.

There's been no mention of A levels and she got poor GCSEs, so I very much doubt an EPQ is on the cards.

I‘m a recruiter for a large organisation and DofE on a CV is a definitely a big tick for me for applicants who are school-leavers. Shows resilience and persistence in a job market where many people seem to have the inability to stick to something difficult. If I had 10 applicants with similar exam grades, and a few of them have DofE then they’d be the ones I’d interview.

What's your daughter's plan come September? She's needs to be in education, employment or training until 18.

It would make far more sense to focus on getting her to resit GCSEs which are essential rather than DofE which is a nice additional qualification to supplement GCSEs, it doesn't really stand alone or replace GCSEs.

But it sounds like you just try to make sure/ let your daughter take the easiest path, either for you or her, and that's just not the way life works for normal people.

the only reason we are doing it is because my daughter received incredibly poor GCSE results in summer 2025, cant be bothered to resit them,

Your problem is here ^. Having her yomping all over the Derbyshire Dales isn't going to fix that.🙄

She is 18. What's she been doing for the last 2 years OP?

My dd is off on her gold expedition tomorrow, she's off to snowdon, everything you have described is pretty standard, my dd has had issues with her group but she's just had to deal with it, my elder dd did the same thing 2 years ago. Expeditions are at this time of year due to exam seasons, winter expeditions would be a crazy idea, much more scope to go wrong and cancel because of poor weather and the weight of the gear they'd have to carry would go up massively (if dd falls on her back she's like a turtle that can't right herself!)

That’s interesting. I’m a business owner regularly recruiting school leavers. I’d absolutely look for qualifications ahead of extra curricular

Urban environment? You are being ridiculous.

One of mine did Silver. A hike through god forsaken bush (we are not in UK), battling heat (we are a hot country), hideous bush environment, the usual insects and wildlife including some of the worlds most venomous snakes, pack weighing nearly as much as themselves, all got infested with leeches at one point. Any issues and they would have needed to be air lifted out - they had several satellite phones, they could use consecutively as each ran out of battery. After that, my child didn’t go for Gold🤣🤣🤣. So, scratching your head with how you think Gold could be a stroll around an urban environment with a bunch of friends, giggling about matters of life.

I remember doing it myself, and it was shit. It was meant to be shit, but to be fair I did it with friends so we were all suffering together so not so bad.

I’m trying hard to understand why you are so involved of what your 18 year old is doing. I’d tell her to suck up the group, you don’t get to choose it and crack on and achieve her award. However I don’t think the Duke of Edinburgh award will make up for no school grades, I would be encouraging her to go back to college to at least get English and maths.

My dd did dofe last weekend and none of the 65 dc who took part got heat stroke. They wore hats and sun cream and drank water. I was a little concerned but it was fine. She’s 14 with pale skin and blonde hair.

can’t believe you’re this involved in an 18yo life. Mine is at work after driving herself having returned from a week abroad post A levels. Cut the strings.

Would you interview someone with rubbish grades and a DofE, over 9 other people with decent grades but no DofE?

D of E gold won’t replace lack of GCSEs. She needs to resit maths and English to try and get a pass. I work in local government and they are always an essential criteria even for low paid entry level roles.
If she’s not happy with group she’s in then she needs to speak to centre and get a different group. At 18 part of the challenge is sorting stuff herself.
We offer d of e through girl guiding locally but the expeditions are always in the countryside, I think last one was Lake District.

I literally couldn’t care less if a candidate has gold DofE. I need them to have English and skills relevant to the job. It may be they can give examples of overcoming difficulties from their experience but the experience itself is of no interest to me.

But surely as a ‘cherry on top’ of exam results though?
Not instead of?