To quiet quit at work due to TTC stress

[Maomee]

NC due to personal nature. Sorry, bit of a rambly and negative one.

Just so utterly fed up with it. On month 10 of TTC now and yes 'that can be normal' and 'that isn't even long OP' blah blah but actually the vast majority of couples conceive at least once within 6 months so to have 10 months of BFNs whether I tested or simply didn't and had AF showed up is really fucking hard. For reference I'm 34 and my partner is 36.

The worst part is definitely the uncertainty, for example if someone said it would definitely happen at some point I'd be happy to wait but it's awful knowing that as time goes on you are much more likely to have some problem preventing it. Only thing I know of is one smallish fibroid that was found last year during an ultrasound for other symptoms. Apparently it probably wouldn't prevent pregnancy but I don't even know if I can listen to doctors opinions on such things after all the times they've let me down on other health issues which should have been very straightforward to deal with.

Like many women I tend to find I can be quite positive about it for the first half of my cycle then my mental health flies into the bin during the TWW. It's all getting a bit tedious now.

Why I'm posting is that after all my worry on this, I'm finding myself much less inclined to give a toss at work. I have a relatively demanding role which can be quite tiring, and even though there are mixed ideas of how stress interacts with TTC (believe me, I've trad it all) I'm now at a point where I'm like 'maybe my effort at work is the thing preventing it?'. Whether this is rational or not it reflects a real shift in my mentality, as up until now I've been keen to do my best, try new things, give more than is expected at times for the benefit of the people I work with.

This is complicated by the fact that I work with the public, I won't specify exactly how but most of the people I work with are not employed and at any one point there are at least a few who are pregnant. There is definitely part of my mind that thinks 'perhaps these women have an easier time getting pregnant because they're not at work like me'. There may be some element of truth to this, as some people say that any stress does reduce fertility. But whether it's true or not, I just can't bring myself to give my best at work now. I would also add that I don't begrudge these women for not working, it's more the suspicion that being free from work stress may be beneficial in conceiving. Maybe I'm just starting to reach a point where I'll try anything, AIBU?

This. Definitely don’t quit. Wallowing at home all day would be awful for you right now.
Do whatever you want at work, I personally make the lowest effort possible. But you need to keep your own life going - dont just work and TTC. Do what you enjoy - exercise, spa days, see your friends, go out to do whatever interests you. Delete social media and get off any fertility forums. 10 months is entirely normal. Are you having sex every day or two from when your period is over? Absolutely dont wait around for a positive ovulation test, then it’s practically too late.

I'm being blunt because many women (including myself, and I have a scientific background) were never actually taught properly how our bodies and conception work - and also were never taught how to weigh scientific evidence.

There is a whole "industry" out there out on the internet promoting tips and tricks for improving your chance to conceive, from lowering stress, to eating vitamins/pineapple/whatever this month's theory is. It's possible that some of these things may have a very small effect, though there is generally no robust/conclusive scientific evidence. But the effect these things have is tiny compared to other causes of infertility.

Of course there's no problem if someone TTC wants to lower their stress, take vitamins or whatever. The problem is that women can delay getting tests and treatments if they think "I'll just try to relax and try for another month". But if someone is having periods and ovulating, it's extremely unlikely that stress is a significant factor - so all this approach ends up doing is delaying the quite likely scenario that some medical tests can find the problem - and also, in most cases, offer a way to overcome it.

OP - kindly you might help your stress if you delete this thread, have a glass of wine and have sex. Posting here isnt going to get you pregnant.

Catch a grip!!!

Infertility is shit but you need to get more resilient. Ten months is nothing at all. It took me ten years. You can't just give up on all the other aspects of your life. What if it never happens for you?

Thank you. I think this is what I've been trying to say, really. At the moment work is a bit of a grind and it doesn't feel like all there is is TTC and work. When one of those things keeps failing each month everything just becomes dreary. I really need to step back a bit and dedicate more time to something else.

It is possible to be clear and direct without being unpleasant. Some of the posts on this thread have been a little bit cruel and sarcastic in my eyes.

I must have missed the memo of how starting TTC at 33 is 'late in the day'. It's quite standard these days, especially in the modern day UK.

I would agree. Luckily I have quite a thick skin but I know I would never be so dismissive and sneering about similarly sensitive issues as some people have been..I try to focus on those posters who have at least contributed something interesting or well meaning, even if I don't agree with everything they put.