Rude old man shouted at 4 year old DS

[ThisOldThang]

I was walking on a quiet residential road with both my sons (7 and 4). I was pushing the empty buggy. My eldest son was walking next to me and my youngest son was had fallen behind by around 10m.

I heard a man shout 'GET OUT OF MY WAY'. I turned around and an old man (65-70 years old) had passed my youngest son and was walking towards us.

When he passed he said 'You need to control your children.'

I replied 'He's 4.'

The rude old codger then started going on about how my son had been in his way, so I told him that he should have said excuse me, rather than shouting at a 4 year old.

Anyway, there was a bit more back and forth and I called him a rude old man and we went on our way. When I looked back, he was on the phone. Who to, I have no idea.

AIBU?
No and he's lucky that I'm not the sort of person that kicks off in front of my kids.

Yes. He's old and allowed to shout at young children in the street.

I think people assumed that you were a mother so are a bit horrified that you got into it with him. women are generally expected to make space for others and absorb anger, not emit it. it’s a bit similar to children actually- some people act like they’re not equal humans. which is what happened to your son incidentally.

I was just thinking that if I met somebody at a party and they corrected me using 'oldest' or 'youngest' I'd immediately turn my back and walk away.

Asking what the buggy was for isn’t judgemental, it’s a question not a judgement. And a buggy suggests the kid is a younger 4 year old closer to 3 than 5 and requires move supervision.

What makes you think OP can’t ’clap back’ seen as the guy did confront him? It also doesn’t say he was on his phone when the incident occurred.

Probably because when you’re so close to retirement age, one would make a fair assumption that you’ve experienced a good share of living amongst people and you’d be less likely to behave like a caveman.

Old
Old man
Rude old man
Old codger.

65 to 70 FFS! You won't mind if those of us in that age range (many still working) refer to you as "that immature young shit" will you?

He was wrong to shout. But you are wrong to be so ageist.

I said that the man barked at a child who can’t clap back the way an adult would - it’s a power play. I’ve not once said the OP couldn’t?

The buggy could have been because he’s a slow walker and sometimes you just need to get from A to B. Nothing to do with their comprehension.

In all likelihood, your unsupervised child was being a nuisance, most likely in a dangerous way. Old men (haha, at 65😮‍💨), don't normally shout at kids for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

Unfortunately, you never got to know because you were not doing what you should have, that is have sight of your child.

Yet, surprise surprise, it's all the fault of the man whilst your little darling was inevitably just a little innocent angel...

I'm not pedantic at parties. I only gave the explanation here because someone queried the other pedant.

From my observations - and I've no skin in this game, there's only one person's account of the situation and I'm not going to judge their parenting - is that if someone asks if they have behaved unreasonably (which I tend to think a person only does if they're ruminating on something) and when the responses don't all validate them, it's infuriating when the OP just digs their heels in. It would be refreshing for them to consider all responses to a question asked, even they don't agree with them. Otherwise, what's the point? Separately, it's quite rude to call people "old codgers" - especially when they're only 65 - and that will have offended people. And the OP hasn't actually adressed those remarks so far as I can see (I might be wrong).

I'd go for "well this has been lovely"

Oh, and it's "corrected me ON using..." actually!!!!!!!!

That's reassuring to hear.

Read*, sorry, please don't come for me

It could be, but it wasn’t clear, which is why I asked. HTH.

And no you didn’t specify you were referring to the child, and the man literally did then have a go at OP so clearly he would say it to an adult

A four year old should still be holding an adults hand or - in this weather - right beside you. Probably he shouldn't have 'shouted'/been grumpy though.

NIce casual and consistent ageism on this thread. WHat the hell has his age got to do with it?

Yep

I used the word control because that's what the man said. In this instance presumably he meant control your kid so he's not wandering about in front of people.
We actually don't know how much OP reacted because he admits there was more to the conversation than he's put in his post.
You should have said something along the lines of I'm sorry he got in your way but don't shout at my child. Then left it and ignored anything else.
By the way it's incredibly annoying if a child is wandering about, parent isn't even watching them and you are trying to get past. I wouldn't have said anything to you or your child but I would be thinking FFS watch your child.
You were unreasonable but so was he.

Totally.

Wow. I just turned 70 last May.
I didn’t realise I qualified for “codger territory,” or old lady-hood at that.
I don’t look like a codger or dress like a codger and I certainly don’t feel however a 70-year-old codger is supposed to feel. I’m not all hunched over and I don’t live in a cavernous house set back from the road that everybody says is haunted (lol).

You must be younger than 20, @ThisOldThang— odd username for such a young person.

I really think you should keep your children close to you - only because that old codger could have harmed your little boy and you weren’t close enough to prevent it from happening.

Drives me nuts when young children are behind parents (usually the father tbh). It’s just not safe - you’ve not a clue what he’s doing or what dangers are around him. If a car starts to back out you won’t know. Keep your kids in front of you.

No need to hold hands at all for the majority of 4 year olds.. I wouldn’t be holding my two year olds for my eldest 2 (the youngest is a different story. They should always be in front though and able to follow instructions well.

For a 4 year old - don’t be daft. Thats for an under 2 if at all.

Child should absolutely be in front though.

So because the child was trailing behind, possibly being a pain in the neck and that the man was called old, it's okay for him, this fully grown adult, to bellow at a wee boy. Got it. 🙄

OP, you're a better person than me because I would have given the 'old' boy an absolute rollicking. How dare he shout at a child!

I’m presuming he was trying to get past him
I’d just forget about it
yes he was rude and yes you/your child was being inconsiderate