AIBU to expect my 18-year-old to babysit her baby brother?

[SallySue87]

Can't sleep, SO wound up about this, I just need some advice...

On Tuesday I asked my DD (18) to watch my DS (5) while I go out on a blind date. She said no way as she was going down the pub with her girl friend (22) to watch the England game, I said MY house MY rules! To which she replied "you only had him to save your marriage and look at how that turned out"...

I went BALLISTIC😡My DS burst into tears. I couldn't believe she said that so soon after myself and her step-dad messily split-up. I know it's been hard for her, but imagine how hard it's been for ME ?? I couldnt let this comment slide so I took her phone and told her she can not go and see her girl friend. She was so angry and said she feels like she is always looking after DS and that its not fair for me to go and 'hook up' with 'random men' when she can't see her girl friend, who she says she is in love with...

She hasnt spoke to me since and Im starting to worry that I have actually upset her...but at the same time, she is an adult now and has to accept that she has responsibilities...

What should I do?... 😥

I genuinely don’t understand how some people have nothing better to do.

If you have no friends or partner then read a book, watch a movie, go for a walk, learn a new language, declutter your wardrobe, join an online friendship group - like there’s a million things you can do on a Saturday night. Like how bored do you have to be to do this.

That "MY house, MY rules" doesn't really work these days.
I had the police round searching for stolen property and I told 'em to "Git yer bleedin' shoes off before you come in!" and they tasered me!
It's true I was swinging me baseball bat about a bit, but I mean, it was me own house.

Not her child, not her problem. You should have said, "okay" as soon as she said she was busy. YABU.

Sorry but I'm with your DD the baby's not her responsibility 🤷 you had him you find a sitter for him your daughter isn't the nanny

You are completely unreasonable. She is not responsible for your child, you are. She is also an adult and you have no right to take her possessions from her.

Come on dudes, this one's in neon and flashing.

Apologise, and hire a responsible babysitter? Unfortunately one can no longer get one's first choice of au pair post-Brexit, but perhaps one of the blind dates has child-wrangling experience and could do double duty?

(Alternatively, ask your mum to change the wifi password and keep the new one a secret no matter how much you beg, and go out for a nice walk.)

Troll thread. If not then daughter is not wrong.

Your child is your responsibility, not your daughter's.
I never understand parents who expect their children to do chores, and babysitting counts as a chore.
Why have children if you are going to treat them as unpaid servants?

Keeping an eye on him while you nip to Sainsbos is one thing. Instructing her to babysit on a ‘big night’ when she has plans (let alone without payment) isn’t

You think you might’ve upset her?
you reckon? lol

Nobody should be made to babysit their siblings. You chose to have another child, so you sort out childcare. That might involve paying her if she wants to do it. but otherwise you'll have to find someone else.

I always find it funny when people say "oh I want to give my child a sibling". In this instance that appears to be code for "I need a babysitter on tap". Just no.

Oh I don't think it is at all. Back in the day older siblings did have to look after their younger siblings when there were eg 7 in the family, so no doubt there are still plenty of parents out there who think it's ok.

First of all:

I couldn't believe she said that so soon after myself and her step-dad messily split-up.
Why are you on the hunt for a new man if you only JUST split up with your last partner? Are you incapable of being alone for a while? Taking some time out to get yourself sorted out? From your post, it sounds like you need it...

On Tuesday I asked my DD (18) to watch my DS (5) while I go out on a blind date. She said no way as she was going down the pub with her girl friend (22) to watch the England game.
Very reasonable response from her. She's 18 years young, it's the summer, and she, like any other normal 18 year old, wants to make the most of it. She's the SISTER of YOUR son - he's NOT her responsibility! And, she already had plans. She had every right to say no to your request.

I said MY house MY rules!...I went BALLISTIC😡
Are you actually right in the head? So your logic is that because someone lives in your house, you are entitled to demand that they cancel their plans so they can provide childcare for you - so you can go meet some random man? That her living in your house gives you the right to hijack her life and time? You sound like a horrible mother, honestly. You can't stay single, you prioritise your own love life over your young daughter's social life, and...

My DS burst into tears.
...you have fights and confrontations with your older child in front of the younger child. You are mad.
Pay for childcare, like any other normal person, if going on this blind date is so important to you. It's not your daughter's responsibility to put HER life on hold so YOU can progress with yours.

she replied "you only had him to save your marriage and look at how that turned out"
I mean, it sounds like she might have a point...

I know it's been hard for her, but imagine how hard it's been for ME ??
No offence, but your life is a result of your own life choices - plus, YOU are the parent here. That means YOU make the sacrifices necessariy, not your children. YOU chose to have children. YOU are the mother. If you struggle with life, go talk to a therapist or even a good friend - but please don't make it your 18 year old's job to take care of you and put her life on hold for yours. It's not right or fair.

I took her phone and told her she can not go and see her girl friend.
Wow, mother of the year...you are not. This is unacceptable...

She was so angry and said she feels like she is always looking after DS and that its not fair for me to go and 'hook up' with 'random men' when she can't see her girl friend
So, from her perspective it's a habit of yours to pawn your son off on her so you can go out there and live your life. Do you acknowledge any of the feedback she's given you? Have you actually sat down and asked yourself if she might be right? That you are too wrapped up in your own dating life, to the point where it affects HER social life?

I'm not saying it was good of your daughter to disrespect and hurt you with her comments, but your most recent totally unreasonable behaviour has clearly been the last drop for her. You need to take a good look at yourself, step up as a mother, and stop expecting your daughter to provide childcare for her brother all the time. Who, by the way, probably also doesn't appreciate being passed on to other people all the time so you can go out.

Im with your daughter on this one. You sound like a complete mess generally.
Why are you dating when you have a baby?

She doesn't have responsibilities. You have responsibilities.

What should you do? Not make shit up on MN…?

Your son is not her responsibility.

YABU.

Lame

She is right.

Def something not right here has anyone reported?
Poster has a total 5 responses on advanced search - april and dec 2025. Not surprised she has gone, will probably turn up again jan 2027.

Sorry but I'm with your daughter on this one-the child is yours why should you be able to go out and do what you want and your daughter can't?She has to stay in and look after her half brother unpaid.
I'm afraid it being your house doesn't make it possible to insist on unpaid labour from your daughter whenever you feel like it.

If this is a reverse,

duck, you didn’t have to do a reverse thread vid you’d have written it normally we’d have agreed with your side.

Surely you are not that stupid? Your DS is not your DDs responsibility, he's yours. Why on earth do you think he's her responsibility? And what's all the my house, my rules" nonsense?