AIBU to raise concerns after school let father-in-law apply suncream when not an approved collector?

[Tryingtohelp12]

My father in law called in today to drop something off and I said can you do me a favour and drop dc2 Suncream at school I’ve just realised it’s not in her bag and it’s on your way past. Just leave it with the office (my child school has allowed them to take their own cream in this week and apply it themselves). About 20 minutes later came back and he said the office wouldn’t let him leave the cream and had retrieved my child from her classroom and allowed him to apply it.

i have no problem with him actually doing this as we are close and he is trustworthy, but was really surprised, he’s not on the list of approved collectors as he has never done a school run for us and honestly could have been anyone. What if he’d come in and said they need to take child out of school- would they have let him?

I mentioned it to the teacher at pick up who said she will look into it but now I’m worried I have overreacted and got the office staff in trouble.

Oh for goodness sake.

Children had been applying their own suncream lotion all week.

Don't you think it's even the slightest bit off that instead of letting a child put their own cream on, they pulled the child from whatever they were doing so a man who the school didn't know (and they weren't aware the parents had sent him in) could apply it to the child?

Mum didn’t need to take the suncream in an apply it. No adult was required to apply suncream to a child who had been applying their own suncream all week.

And forgotten items being dropped off is a daily event in schools all over the place every day. It’s a non-issue.

but do enjoy your needless having a go at the OP.

Name the role in a school of errand runner.It doesn't exist. It will fall to an attendance officer or admin person who has loads to do. Takes away money from all the schools struggling with financial issues but someone has got to do it for the entitled ones.

We’ve lost all common sense in this country.

Yes we can all be clever and see how “theoretically” a non-approved adult applying sun cream could be a safeguarding issue. But common sense would allow staff to pick up on context, as others have mentioned - things like the child recognising and being comfortable around their grandparent - to make a sensible decision I.e.: preventing sunburn is a better choice than preventing a near zero likelihood incident of molestation.

Even further lacking in common sense is your decision to complain OP, when the school accommodated your FIL correcting your mistake. You forgot the sun cream, you should just be happy it got to your child and was safely applied by someone who poses no risk to them.

People who point out “safeguarding” issues in this sort of scenario are typically the sorts of middle class people who like to demonstrate their cleverness via hypothetical scenarios rather than dealing with the situation as it actually presents itself.

Name the role in a school of the person who it is to check visitors are appropriately vetted. Name the role in a school of the person who is responsible for safeguarding.

Those roles exist because they are important and it failed in this case.

You've clearly got a bee in your bonnet about errands. In an ideal world, OP (or her partner) would have ensured the suncream was with her child, that didn't happen, but that doesn't mean it's acceptable for school to do what they did.

Course they wouldn’t have let him take your child out of school without your knowledge. They would have rang you

as they go to school they would have said your grandad is here. So it’s not a stranger to your child

And sure your dc if anything like mine would have ran and hugged my dad. Aka grandad so bene obvious

I doubt he took the child into the toilet alone and rubbed. More likely did in the space by office so in view

I think you are making a huge deal about this over nothing

So your fil horrible crime is caring about your child? Jesus woman are you insane 😂😂😂

I agree if the school wouldn’t have explicitly know who FIL was he could have been anyone. Whilst your child might have spoken up if they are nervous or worried they might not, this shouldn’t be used as a tool to keep
them safe. Plus if everyone was allowed to apply their own suncream your child should have too. They should have phoned someone with parental responsibility to check that the person was who they said they were. You read so much in the news where a mistake by an adult in a responsible position has devastating consequences. You were right to raise it.

@BaffledOwl. Name the role of errand runner. It doesn’t exist as much as you might like it to. Admit that all of this issue would be erased if the parent had done the right thing and taken in the sunscreen. Most of the time a message will be attached to the register asking for the child to go to the office and collect said item. But it’s more fun to send other people on errands like this. The errand runner. Lots of MN posters are looking for little jobs in schools. Sadly, it doesn’t exist.

Your poor father in law! Hopefully he won’t read about this when it’s inevitably snapped up by the Daily Fail!

Why didn’t the school let the sun cream just be dropped off though? That’s what I’d be checking. Was it not named? Would a quick phone call from you to say he was bringing it in and on his way and could it be given to the child, have made a difference?

Yes.

But the options in life aren't 'we allow anyone known to the child who turns up at the school unannounced with a bottle of suncream to rub it into them' OR 'the child must be sunburnt'.

Lets not be silly.

There was the option to let the child apply suncream themselves. Or call the parents. Or keep the child inside at playtime. Or have a checked and authorised member of staff assist with suncream application.

People aren’t reading the thread. The OP doesn’t mind that her FIL applied the sun cream. She trusts him. She’s just concerned that the school allowed someone who is to them, an unauthorised adult, to do it.

Jesus the lack of critical thinking on this thread is depressing.

I agree with some of the comments that surely your child would say if he is or isnt Grandpa.
BUT, on the whole I agree with you, these rules are there for a reason and if hes not on the approved list then hes not approved.
These rules are in place to stop bad things from happening.

@mylifeisexams
It is a shame that it only became concerned about this AFTER she sent the FIL into school. She knows he is not authorised so why send him. Presumably the OP imagined that it would be taken into school by one errand runner and then at school, another errand runner paid for by the school would deliver it in the way she imagined in her head. Two favours, two errands. No problem if she had done it herself but asking some one not cleared to take it in was a better solution than doing it herself. It is so entitled. I wonder if these entitled people think that all institutions employ errand runners. Hospitals etc.

You asked him to go into the school, if you didn’t inform the office he would be doing so then that’s on you. It’s strange you asked FIL to do something and now you’re blaming the school for allowing him to do it? Your logic doesn’t make sense whether he just dropped off an open bottle of sun cream or applied it. It any unknown adult is doing anything on your behalf you must always tell the school first. With a ‘password’. Then you’ll be sure the correct adult is doing you the favour.

I hope the school send a message home asking parents to avoid sending in forgotten stuff or at least think through the consequences when they decide that they are too busy to run their own errands. The whole issue has been created by an entitled parent. If she had delivered it herself there would not have been a problem.

In this case though surely the OP has broken the rules herself by sending in a person not on the approved list.

OP knew that the school would let him in, that theyd know which child he is there for, without being on the list.

The approved list is for collection, not suncream.

So you've implied to the school that FIL is a perv who can't be trusted to apply cream to his own grandchild? Does FIL know this? That's him helping you ever again down the shitter.

I agree with you OP - i work in a school and this would be seen as a safeguarding no without calling the parent first. Most of us can’t see what the problem is and that in itself is privilege. The stuff school is aware of that goes on is terrifying, hence why I am surprised. The child being old enough to say hi grandad is not the answer, most abuse happens in families and family friends. So I would raise it, not as a complaint but more to help them going forward. It’s a learning opportunity to help them and children who might not having such fabulous parents and grandparents as your child does.

No there aren’t. fIL complied with the only option given to him. It was a sensible option in the circumstances Any fuss the OP makes will mean such common sense options are not given in the future to other children. Eventually a child will get sunburnt.

The lack of common sense in this thread is really depressing.

FFS she hasn’t done this. Apply some critical thinking

The FIL has done nothing wrong and the OP is clear about that.

The issue is with the school. Their actions were not 'a sensible option in the circumstances'.

More sensible options would have been:

Call the parents to check.

Allow the child to apply the suncream themselves.

Keep the child inside at break time to prevent sunburn.

Have an authorised member of staff help the child apply suncream.

If a child at this school gets sunburnt because staff don't have the common sense to make a phone call, allow a child to apply their own suncream, keep them inside or get a staff member to assist this is not the fault of the OP or safeguarding procedure in general. It's a fault at the school and quite frankly someone so inept that these common sense options weren't taken shouldn't be working in a school office.

They didn’t let him leave with your dc and your dc was happy to see him, you definitely overreacted

“Have an authorised member of staff help the child apply suncream”

haha I can see the AIBU now

“to be furious that school wouldn’t allow grandpa to apply suncream and made staff do it instead”

The staff member insisted on applying my son’s suncream even though his lovely grandpa was right there! Thinking of complaining the governors, the teacher is obviously a wrong’un and office staff are implying my FIL is a peedo