AIBU to raise concerns after school let father-in-law apply suncream when not an approved collector?

[Tryingtohelp12]

My father in law called in today to drop something off and I said can you do me a favour and drop dc2 Suncream at school I’ve just realised it’s not in her bag and it’s on your way past. Just leave it with the office (my child school has allowed them to take their own cream in this week and apply it themselves). About 20 minutes later came back and he said the office wouldn’t let him leave the cream and had retrieved my child from her classroom and allowed him to apply it.

i have no problem with him actually doing this as we are close and he is trustworthy, but was really surprised, he’s not on the list of approved collectors as he has never done a school run for us and honestly could have been anyone. What if he’d come in and said they need to take child out of school- would they have let him?

I mentioned it to the teacher at pick up who said she will look into it but now I’m worried I have overreacted and got the office staff in trouble.

They did make a mistake, he’s not on the list he shouldn’t be applying suncream. But it’s hot and they made a mistake.

This situation is not in any way a problem.

If your father in law had been allowed to apply suncream to a child he didn’t know, that would be different.

Whether or not he was the grandfather is irrelevant. It’s whether he’s on a list that allows him certain access to the child and he wasn’t on that list. They made a mistake.

I'm with you on this one OP, 100%.

Most predators are known to children. It's something like over 90% of child abuse is commited by someone known to the child... so a child saying 'Hi Grandpa' shouldn't be the only safeguard a school should lean on.

Whilst you're absolutely not accusing your FIL of anything indecent, the school SHOULD be hot on their safeguarding policies.

Only approved adults should be picking up the children (or other necessary contact with children at school!)

Does your child not know who her grandad is?

You did right to flag this up. Someone being known to the child doesn't mean they can't be a risk. Schools should have clear policies in place for this, and should have contacted you.

I think if your kid was screaming who is this old man trying to touch me? And they didn’t intervene then it’s not great. But as your son clearly knew him then it’s common sense he was a grandad etc

Why is your FIL good enough to run your errands for you but not worthy to be on your “approved” list?

Next time I suggest you get one of your “approved” collectors to go instead.

true but she is blurring lines by sending him with sunscreen. Teachers do not apply sunscreen on kids. So @Tryingtohelp12 I dont think you should ever send for FIL or another unnamed family member do drop something or do a favour at school related to your DC. Its muddling things too much and just creates more risks for both the teachers and possibly your DC and even FIL. I hope that when the safeguarding investigation kicks in, both you and your FIL will be called in to address the issue

That poor man. I hope he doesn't find out your attitude because how humiliating to be essentially accused of something inappropriate with his own grandchild when he was doing you a favour.

It's obvious your FiL would not have gone to the school, clutching suncream, on the off-chance of accessing your DC. He will have said to the office staff that he was there at your request. Therefore, it was safe for them to assume your approval.

You've clearly missed the point.

She isn't accusing her FIL of anything. She's highlighting that school didn't act appropriately.

Poor bloke . You were the one that sent him there . You should have gone yourself but he was just so convenient wasn’t he .

Surely if anyone in the family was a known safeguarding risk to a child, school would be informed and know about them.

This is for all the posters worrying about it.

OP why did you decide to mention to the teacher?

In which world, is 'assuming' the appropriate fall back position when it comes to child safeguarding?

School have no idea who he is, and whether the child’s parents would be okay with this, please raise it as an issue.

And for those saying he’s her granddad, that’s not the point. He can be the best, safest granddad in the world, with a full DBS and whatever, that is also not the point. The point is that he is not on the approved list.

School cannot rely on small children who very rarely know granddads dodgy history, or the arrest, or the court case, or the probation. Just because a child says ‘hi granddad’, that’s not the is not a reason to okay it.

Sorry OP I have to agree with this. YABU. You did send him so I’m not sure what you expected. I think it would be incredibly bizarre to then make a complaint to the school about it.

I wouldn't have complained, I would just have been happy that I knew my child had their suncream on properly in this weather - a lot of children are not great at applying it themselves.

I
imagine your child was more than able to confirm its grandad as she’s old enough to apply her own suncream?

I think I worded this post badly 😂 I have no issue with my father in law applying sun cream we have a great relationship. I’d love him to be on her approved collection but he collects my neice everyday so is never around so there has never been any point in putting him on (in our school they have a list for each child with a photo). I was just surprised they let him when he could have been anyone! I didn’t complain I just said to her teacher I was surprised by it. I will give my head a wobble as suggested and blame the sun - I’m in general a very relaxed person 😂

agreed but I think OP also muddled things here (dont know if she called sch to say so and so is coming). @Tryingtohelp12 next time be aware. Dont send people not on the list because the sch has obviously got confused here (by you sending him they assumed you are approving contact/he is trusted which is not entirely the case though you say you do. And you obviously dont trust the sch's safeguarding either).

As to your concern that you overreacted, not necessarily. Of course they will look into it as they should any safeguarding concern a parent/guardian raises. Did you expect them not to act on their mistake? That would have been worse and your post on that would have been worse as well. So its good they will (hopefully) be fixing gaps in their procedures. @Tryingtohelp12 what did you expect them to do after you reported btw?

Not only schools can't do right for doing wrong, in-laws also seem to be in the same group!
Our granddaughter once flew down to us as a UM and we were to collect her from the airport, taking various IDs to show who we were. As she walked through with her escort, her face burst into a smile, she called to us Grandma, Grandad, the escort said Well you're clearly the right people but I suppose I should look at you IDs! I'm sure common sense can be allowed, the child would probably have asked a stranger who he was or told an adult, children are very savvy these days.

Sorry but you're being ridiculous. If I worked in a school, I would assume that if the mum sent in a grandparent with suncream that they can be trusted to apply it!
If your child came home with sunburn you'd be complaining about that too..

This.
Schools have to be watertight with safeguarding practices. OP is doing them a favour flagging this up.

Yup.. what’s the problem?